<p>So, OP, any updates with you and the roommate? Have you discussed anything further with her since you’ve posted on here?</p>
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<p>I’m surprised that’s the policy but if your are sure that your RA is correct, then what’s the issue? </p>
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<p>Why are these two mutually exclusive. You asked permission, she said that she’d be uncomfortable and that you shouldn’t do it. Now if you do it you after asking you ARE being rude. You care more about your feelings than hers and are going to do it anyway. You’re looking for justification. Why do you need it? To ease your guilt?</p>
<p>What am I missing?</p>
<p>A roommate may be very different from you in terms of conservatism/lifestyle/beliefs/etc, but that doesn’t really give you the right to tell someone else to “just suck it up” and accept the way you see things. It’s good that this was brought up ahead of time, but it sounds like you really aren’t asking for permission. It sounds like more of a “This is what I am going to do, and if you don’t like it, you’re naive.” That argument can go back and forth all day.</p>
<p>While I personally think it’s not a big deal to have someone stay over, it’s the roommate’s right to say no (and with justifiable concerns). Sometimes the situation just isn’t in your favor, so you have to find a different solution. Whether that be finding a more compatible roommate or another place to go during the time your boyfriend’s there, there are many other viable options that won’t cost a whole lot. Besides, you’ll have more privacy if you get your own place for a bit.</p>
<p>The worst thing you can do is “do what you want anyway” which will just cause problems between you and your roommate for the rest of your stay.</p>
<p>OP: You realize that your bf is no threat to your roommate but have you given any thought to the fact that your roommate could make your lives a living hell while your bf is visiting? Also, you stated that you believe she could have a mental disorder. Is this really a person you want to upset and aggravate?</p>
<p>I think the roommate is being unreasonable. It’s just to sleep. </p>
<p>But mostly to address the idea of “staying an hour or two away and renting a car”</p>
<p>One, let’s assume you can still find a hotel a reasonable distance for Thanksgiving in the NY metropolitan area (you can’t for the record). That’ll be anywhere from 100-300 a night.
Now, you’re renting a car. We also have to assume that the OP’s boyfriend is 25 and legally allowed to rent a car in the state of New York. That’ll be another hundred a day at least (from a suburban company).
There is an 11 dollar toll to drive into the city. Let’s be conservative and say this happens 4 times. That’s nearly fifty dollars.
Now, you have to park the car in NY! You’re going to be in touristy areas, so you can expect rates of up to thirty dollars an hour to park the car, topping out at about a hundred a day!
Not to mention the dangers of driving in Manhattan if you never have before.</p>
<p>OP, fwiw there is a Hostel International hostel over on 84th I think that is inexpensive and comparatively decent. That might be a better option for the last 3 nights.
Another cost-effective stay in NYC is called Club Quarters – sort of a few blocks from Times Square, another in Soho. You can get a single for about $140/night if you watch priceline.</p>
<p>Whether you’re “entitled” to have your boyfriend stay or not is moot, IMHO. To be truly entitled, you’d need to be paying full fare – eg. $2800 / mo not $1400.
If you want to turn up like a self-absorbed boor to your roommate (because that is how you’ll appear to her, even if you wouldn’t to me) and have ill will fester the rest of the year, proceed with your plan. But if you accommodate what must be embarrassing feelings she expressed to you (for someone shy, that would be tough to say to you), you may be repaid with friendship and respect, provided you can let go of any resentment you feel.</p>
<p>You did say you were both adults. Being an adult often involves making a sacrifice for the greater good and the long haul, and lots of adults aren’t so hot at it.
Whatever you do, do try to arrange things so that you really enjoy your limited time together and have a little compassion for your roomie, even if you think she’s a nutbar. You don’t know what her internal motivation is for feeling this uncomfortable, but it could be quite daunting for her.
Best wishes!</p>
<p>Personally, I think if the BF is going to sleep in the same room, the room mate has every right to refuse. Maybe he can sleep outside the room, that would be reasonable. Put yourself in her shoes, as a girl who is introverted, naive and whatever negative label you put on her, who doesn’t get along with her room mate who tells her she will bring a boyfriend based on her word of mouth that he is a nice guy to sleep in the same room for 3 nights. I think even if she was your sister, it wouldn’t be unreasonable for her to refuse. Hell I think your parents will not let that happen. It has nothing to do with the credibility of your BF, he can be Jesus Christ himself for all she cares, she will have a problem with it because she’s just not comfortable with it regardless of whether she’s previously a rape victim etc etc. It’s the 21st century and we respect privacy unless you’re paying for a $20 a night dorm bed.</p>
<p>I am far from conservative in matters such as these, but if I was sharing a small studio apartment with a woman who wanted her boyfriend who was a stranger to me to visit, I would object. I would not be afraid for my safety. I would be flat out uncomfortable. Changing, sleeping, walking around in pajamas (perhaps without a bra), sitting at my desk, etc. could all be very awkward. If I was paying $1400/month in rent for the studio (as I assume the roommate is doing), I would feel entitled to insist that the boyfriend stay elsewhere. It would not be fair for me to feel uncomfortable in my own home. </p>
<p>Sure, the OP has the right to have reasonable overnight guests, but having guests of the opposite sex is just different, for the same reasons that colleges don’t generally put opposite sex roommates together. Perhaps the OP should have consulted with her roommate before her boyfriend decided to come up and visit for a week instead of just for the time while the roommate would be away.</p>
<p>I would strongly suggest, as have others, that the boyfriend (perhaps with the OP) find an inexpensive youth hostel or good deal on priceline/hotels.com and stay elsewhere while the roommate is in town. The roommate has reasonably stated her objections, and while the OP may not agree with her, the OP must respect the roommate’s wishes.</p>
<p>I agree with those who stated that a (presumably well-paid) engineer shouldn’t expect to stay in a studio with Sally and her roommate. Casey, if you haven’t seen Sally in a while, why don’t you spring for nicer surroundings when you won’t infringe on Sally’s roommate?</p>
<p>Sally, why do you think your roommate has a mental disorder?</p>
<p>That’s a toughie. In my (admittedly biased) opinion, you’re roomate is probably being a little unreasonable about it. You could try to talk to her about it and work out a compromise (perhaps he could stay with a guy friend you know, etc.). But in the end, you have to respect her wishes, period. </p>
<p>That’s the roomate code.</p>
<p>Guys, I’m very confused about what major that i’m going to declare-Biology,Biochemistry, or BioMed Engineer? Someone help!</p>
<p>Go for a room everyone will be happier in the end. Look at Hotel Fitzpatrick 40th and Lexington.There is also a Hampton across the river in NJ can take bus into city everydayLooks nice and reasonable price</p>
<p>"I think the roommate is being unreasonable. It’s just to sleep. "</p>
<p>LOL! Adults in longterm relationships tend to be sexually involved and it’s naive to think that they’d be able to refrain while the roommate is in the room, which may be all day and night.</p>
<p>People in romantic relationships typically have intimate conversations that they don’t want others to overhear nor do others wish to overhear them.</p>
<p>Oftentimes on travelzoo there are great deals during thanksgiving for the days she is there.The Distrikt is a reasonable price point for a student(is your boyfriend willing to help with cost) if they have such a deal and close to Broadway for shows. As a student you can get student tickets to some shows (often 2 per id).Other suggestion would be to take the ferry over to Edgewater where hotels are alot less. There are often great deals on hotwire,too.</p>
<p>People have different sensibilities which they are entitled to.You still have to co-exist with her for @6 months after the holiday and pressing it sounds like it would up the awkwardness exponentially.</p>
<p>Hmm, this is a somewhat complicated situation. In one hand, I personally wouldn’t mind if I was your roommate and I don’t think it’s really that big of a deal to have your bf over. But then again, I’m not your roommate and you should respect your roommates respect if you want her to respect you. Now if you don’t care about what your roommate’s respect, then go ahead and have your bf over, but it could come back to bite you.
Like others have suggested, getting your bf a hostel for a few days would work out well, since they are cheap.
Good Luck!</p>
<p>I agree with NSM and sallyawp. The OP and her BF are being unreasonable. </p>
<p>That said, if the OP has some girlfriends who have their own places, why not ask if the girlfriend would move in with the roommate for 3 days while OP &BF use the friend’s apartment? Or ask if the roommate could stay with her for the 3 days. (I don’t think the roommate has an obligation to agree to this, but it might be an acceptable compromise.)</p>
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<p>So because it is more convenient and cheaper for you, this girl is to be subjected to three days of you and your GF whispering in bed at night and cuddling and having cute little PDAs and feeling grossly uncomfortable and like a voyeur or a third wheel? Hell, some of your supporters on this thread apparently think that it would be magnanimous of you to refrain from actually having sex with her in the room!</p>
<p>Because that is how MANY perfectly normal people would feel. </p>
<p>Man up. Find a room for three days. Look at hostels and motels in towns just outside the city. Newsflash: this is NYC. There are trains. You don’t have to rent a car. to stay in, for example, Norwalk.</p>
<p>Sally, google “hostels New York” to find a reasonably priced alternative to your boyfriend staying in your room for the three nights that your roommate will be there. Some have rates of $36/night.
Another alternative that may be reasonably priced: consider reserving a cabin in a state park such as Bear Mountain; I believe that you can get there on mass transportation. Or, look into state parks with cabins in NJ or Conn.
The definition of causing discomfort: if the other person feels uncomfortable! It is not worth causing discomfort to someone for this.</p>
<p>"Look at hostels and motels in towns just outside the city. Newsflash: this is NYC. There are trains. You don’t have to rent a car. to stay in, for example, Norwalk. </p>
<p>There also are buses, cheap buses. Usually when I go to NYC, I stay in N.J. and take a bus from Port Authority there, and then get a free pick-up from my hotel.</p>
<p>Or as several of us have suggested, you can make arrangements for your BF to stay with a male friend of yours (Surely as a grad student, you have some male friends at NYU) or you could arrange for both of you to stay in the empty apartment of a friend who’s vacationing.</p>
<p>I’m drinking strawberry milk :)</p>