<p>prompt :
Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?</p>
<p>When you think of heroes, it comes in your mind that heroes are those who protect people or defend a cause bravely like superman and batman. In my opinion, there is another kind of heroism we must highlight it which defined heroes as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it . I consider them heroes because they don't follow the crowd as many people do, but they say what they believe courageously without any fear. We have many examples of those people like the Indian hero Mahatma Gandhi and the African hero Nelson Mandela.</p>
<p>It has claimed that heroes are those who have braved physical danger to protect others. However, we need heroes who can speak out at the risk of rejection of something happen. It's not necessary to be superman to protect people, but there are those who defend people without any war and physical danger. For example, the true Indian hero, Mahatma Gandhi, who encouraged people to achieve their freedom without violent ways as he always call for peaceful ways. He stood bravely against the British people using non-violent methods and helped the Indian people achieve their freedom which is stolen by the British people. The story of Mahatma Gandhi shows that his heroism with the Indian people as he supported when there is no one had the courage to do that. </p>
<p>Another example from history is the African hero ,Nelson Mandela. He is considered one of the greatest men who've ever lived as he brought an end to apartheid in Africa. He have the courage to change his country life completely, to speak bravely and demand his country right of peaceful life that is free of racism problems. In fact, he successfully brought his country, south Africa, from the Injustice and tyranny to peaceful and democratic life without any war. </p>
<p>We concluded that there are 2 forms of heroes : a physical one ,who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or protect others, and the mental one who say what they think when no one have the courage to do that. Heroes are those who devotes their lives to stand up for what they believe in whether they are physically or mentally heroes. So , we can consider people like Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi are heroes because they brought a Free and dignified life for their nations that let them left a spam in the history. </p>
<p>Did you bother to check your grammar? The lack of suffixes in certain places makes the writing very disjointed, and the arbitrary capitalizations seem far too careless. Also, check for errors of concord- they’re abundant. These errors make me want to give you a very low score. Even though I have no experience with marking these essays, I speculate that you will not score >4 if you don’t fix the fundamentals.</p>
<p>Honey Child… keep the tense the same - have and had, said and say… and a whole lot more. You do not need to state “in my opinion” as we know that since you wrote it. Also, what’s with the sudden switch to “we”? You need to throw in some "According to the NY Times article on March 13, 2014 (remember, all facts can be created as long as they support your thesis). Run this by any elementary school teacher and they will bleed red all over it. The idea is nice but the execution is not screaming “I rocked my ELA 10 class”. Seriously, I teach 6th grade ELA and I would be sorely disappointed if one of my authors submitted this.</p>
<p><a href=“1”>quote</a> It has claimed that heroes are those who have braved physical danger to protect others. (2) However, we need heroes who can speak out at the risk of rejection of something happen. (3) It’s not necessary to be superman to protect people, but there are those who defend people without any war and physical danger.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Sentences 1, 3 do not belong in this paragraph, since your focus is on Gandhi, not superheroes. If the superhero idea is essential to your essay, put it in a separate paragraph.</p>
<p>BUT</p>
<p>The superhero idea is not central to your essay. It is merely the device that creates a context for your thesis. You already covered that idea in your introduction, and there is no reason to cover it again. As a reader, I was thinking, “Yes, yes, please get on with it.”</p>
<p>Grammar is always important. Even if it’s not part of the official marking scheme, it has a huge impact on what is a very subjective part of the test. Poor grammar makes all of your points and arguments seem less valid. How can I take you seriously if you can hardly write properly? </p>
<p>@LisaCF but I’m pretty sure leaving out a comma, capitalization, or misspelling won’t significantly drop your score…
because on the last ACT/SAT essay that I got (11) i noticed that I didn’t have perfect grammar…</p>
<p>@yomyomf I don’t think you’re understanding that posting a mere number on this thread won’t help the OP actually realize what he needs to focus on, in order to gain a higher scoring.</p>
<p>@medicsz Is there a reason why you gave him that number? Or did you just give him a score to satisfy his needs? I’m actually trying to help him get info on how to improve, while you are going on threads telling people to “never say never”. :)) </p>
<p>@amasat alright, this is what you did wrong… it’s too short, no matter how well it is written, if it’s not long enough you will not be in the 5,6 range, and you barely stayed on topic with your remaining paragraphs. Thus dropping to a 3…</p>
<p>@medicz satisfied? and i may not be blind but I don’t consider: </p>
<p>“Instead of typing a random number… I think it would be best to leave some feedback to how they could improve/brush up. :p” </p>
<p>@yomyomf
To clarify some of your concerns with scoring and grammar:</p>
<p>I don’t actually know whether grammar is a part of the official rubric- but I’ll take your word and assume that it isn’t. Irrespective, however, they don’t need to be scoring grammar for grammar to be a significant factor when determining your score. I know for a fact that in the SAT scoring, they’re very concerned with ‘overall mastery demonstrated’. Writing coherently requires solid grammar. Writing fluidly requires excellent grammar. The overall impact of your piece and the ‘mastery’ demonstrated is absolutely contingent on your ability to write with coherence and fluidity, and, hence, grammar is vital without ever being officially ‘scored’. Your scoring 11 with some grammar errors means that the errors you made were not grievous enough to detract significantly from the overall impact of your piece. Perhaps, if the errors weren’t there, you would have received a 12…</p>