<p>Oops, cindymoose I didn’t realize that you had already found the empty nest thread.</p>
<p>Oh, darn… </p>
<p>Kids moving out… . …</p>
<p>TIME TO PARTAY!!</p>
<p>My thank you posts are not appearing. I’ll try again.CM</p>
<p>Hey cindymoose</p>
<p>It is hard. I understand. When we decided to send our D, our only child 7000 miles away, it was the toughest decision we took. I am a stay at home mom and my life revolved around her for the last 17+ years.</p>
<p>But the thing that kept me going then and even now is to see my child learning life skills, dealing with people and becoming her own person, that is the most important thing for her. And therefore it is time for me to let go, which is easier said than done. But I keep that goal in mind every time I miss her. Those are the things I cannot teach her at home, in today’s world. The sooner she gets there the more accomplished I would feel for having a “job well done”. So maybe a little selfish of me but that is the way I see it. I need to be tough so that my little girl is ready to take on the world, it is not easy at all but it is the most important and right thing to do right now.</p>
<p>So go on celebrate. Celebrate well as the first semester will bring along challenges of its own and life will go on. You will not stop missing them and why should you but it will be accompanied by moments of accomplishments which will make your heart swell with pride.</p>
<p>mythmom beat me to it…what is worse than a kid leaving is the kid coming home after college has not gone well. My HS class of '09 son is home, so that experience made it easier to send my class of '11 daughter off and see her succeed.</p>
<p>Yesterday was hard, however. When I was off running errands, I passed two teen girls, with the type of hair and clothes that my D and her friends have. The thing about my D is that after this summer, she may not come home any more. She wants to live far away and I think she actually will. </p>
<p>So I’m mourning one who will soon permanently leave the nest, and another who may never leave.</p>
<p>Cindymoose, as you can see from my name, I am also the mother of twins- daughters who are now sophomores in college. It wasn’t easy when they both left at once, but my husband and I have developed a good routine and have found some positives about having an empty nest (cleaner house, only have to cook for 2, can come and go as we please, etc.) I don’t have any great advice except to give yourself time to adjust and grieve for how your life used to be- while at the same time looking toward your own future dreams and goals. Feel free to PM me if you’d like. (((HUGS))) from one twin mama to another!</p>
<p>I am not an empty nester yet: my D is a college freshman and my son will be graduating from HS next year (class of 2013). However, as a single mom who has made raising two kids the focus of my life, I know having my second child gone is going to be a major adjustment. For one thing, I do not do well when spending very much time alone. Talking to the dog helps (!) but it’s really not enough.<br>
I have preemptively started to find things to fill the gap. I started running last summer, and regularly run 5K’s (and just won in my age group in my last race - amazing for someone who is a total klutz and classic last-to-be-picked on PE). Next - some 10 K’s. I am tutoring one evening a week at a local youth services facility, heading and hosting a small group for my church twice a month, and re-joining a church music group. Since I have a pretty demanding full time job (and S is still at home), this has almost been enough to fill my plate, but I will be looking for more. Mythmom’s post really hit home. I am here to serve others, and my kids will always be my first priority. But as they don’t need me as much, there are plenty of others that do. One of my goals is to set a positive example for my kids; they know I love and miss them when they’re not around, but they also see that I can take care of myself and still make some positive contributions even in my non-Mom roles. I hope that they continue to develop their caring spirits as well.</p>
<p>Become a jock: pending
talk to self: check
talk to dog: check
wait on cats: check
learn to cook well: unlikely
continue to eat chocolate: Hell, yes</p>
<p>You folks are going to be lifesavers. Thanks to all of you, and muck luck on your journeys. As of this second, I think I will have one child in Boston, and one within four hours. Am I allowed to frequent the campus of the one who is four hours away if I go incognito?</p>
<p>More seriously- we’ve tried hard to create a much happier nest than H and I had growing up.My mother doesn’t live far, and is as mean and ornery as ever., but now with age related needs. I feel as though I am not only losing my happiest times, but regressing as I’m left in her proximity w/o the excuse of having to drive kids, etc. She is Not going to change. Does anyone else have this peculiar flavor of sandwich generation issue?</p>
<p>OMG you guys - I was still focusing on all the details of ending the senior year and last season of high school sport and getting her off to school - I hadn’t allowed the WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NEXT to enter my head. </p>
<p>This is my only D (2016) - I do have a new husband so that should help!!!</p>
<p>Great advice on here everyone - thanks - I know I will be needing every bit of it. Will be right there with you cindymoose.</p>
<p>New husband? Should be some engaging activity to take up the time. LOL.</p>
<p>Difficult mother? Yup. I found it a bit easier without the kids. I could stop playing happy family and just take care of her in a matter-of-fact manner. And we had less reason to get together without the kids.</p>
<p>And since she worships my S (my D, too, but boys really do it for her), when he wasn’t here she bothered him with cards and emails. She gave him a small, monthly check for spending money to buy his engagement. Okay, well as long as they left me out of it, it was okay.</p>
<p>Now that the kids are back home again, no more checks. And they are eating me out of house and home!!! At least they cook now.</p>
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<p>LOL. You’re going to be fine. :)</p>
<p>cooker, I too am a single parent, and it was an adjustment to realize that it was the end of living with family when my twins went off to college. Life always seemed to start up again when they returned from their dads, and it was as if life was on hold till they returned again, but that wasn’t happening till after the first semester. After 5 years, I’ve settled into new normal. I love peace, flowers on my table, the beauty of my surroundings, my cats awaiting my return home. I still miss conversation, and it seems to happen less these days, though perhaps that’s societal, not just personal. There’s always conversation on CC! </p>
<p>My community keeps me going, my friends, my volunteer activities, though I’d encourage you to have one that feeds your soul. My current volunteer gig has become rather a drag on the soul, if worth doing. </p>
<p>Feeding the soul is a good start. It is not transformation, though some of you are in that process, given the inspirational stuff I see on the weight loss and dressing younger threads. But take the walk to enjoy spring, make that food that is delicious and good for you, do some reading that feeds your sense of wonder in the world, schedule visits with friends, invite people over. Take the lunch time walk. Small steps to bring some of these things into routine.</p>
<p>One of the better things I’ve done is to have some social routines. Monthly or quarterly dinners with parents of my kid’s classmates. Book group, birthday celebration lunches with a certain group. Those things that take too much energy to organize show up on the calendar if scheduled and raise the spirits in a scheduled way as well. </p>
<p>One of the drags in this process, is that what we do post kids all seems so optional, and the energy can be harder to muster than for the imperatives that start with that baby’s first breath and don’t end till they are settled into a dorm. And even after.</p>
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<p>The She is Not going to change part, yes, that was a part of my past, that I dealt with by estrangement 20 years ago. So, no, I don’t have that issue currently, but I can understand some of what your emotions might be. All I can say is that the things that you changed about how you live life to bring happiness to your children will remain, if you remain connected to them as a loving but ready-to-let-them-fly parent as they move into this next part of their lives. It is really hard to let them go, but with time - and with a regression or six 
- you will get better at it. You figured out how to parent them up to this point, you will figure this part out too. With buckets of tears and courage to go on.</p>
<p>I had a double-whammy empty nest / sandwich generation issue in my family – two days before our only child went off to college last year, my beloved mother-in-law passed away of cancer – she had been living on hospice in our living room, all summer. We got on the plane to take D 3000 miles away, all numb and grieving. Her grandma meant the world to her so that made her new beginning extra hard, and DH and I – well, we just numbed out and powered our way through it. Needless to say it’s been an incredibly rough year. Life happens, so don’t judge yourself or think that there is a right or wrong way to get through it. Just get support and talk and laugh if you can with the people who care about you the most.</p>
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<p>Um, yep, I’m right there with you. I’ve been wrestling with what I want to do when I grow up, now that I’m feeling emotionally burned out in my career and I have break-through hot flashes, a new spare tire around my middle, and my knees hurt. It took me what feels like forever to figure it out, but I have now come to the conclusion that I will cut back to part time work (fortunately I can do this financially courtesy of m-in-law’s estate – I understand that this is not an option for many), and give myself a bit of a break from my usual 50+ hour weeks, and read read read read read everything I have been wanting to read, and join some clubs and go out and make some new friends and exercise and plant some flowers and JUST LIVE for a change. We’ll see how that plan works out … keep you posted … After 9 months of empty nest, I am just now starting to feel the birth of myself coming on.</p>
<p>Hi cindymoose, when my oldest son, now age 26, went off to college 700 miles away, I was really depressed. We didn’t have the empty nest issue, because we have two younger children. But I missed him terribly. He was great company. I think it took probably 4-6 months before I felt normal after he left. We are empty nesters now, as our youngest daughter is currently a college freshman. I was really said when she left too, but the depression passed in a shorter period of time.</p>
<p>I’m writing this to tell you what has happened with the son I was so depressed over. He went to college 700 miles from home. Post college, he and his bride moved to a place only 30 minutes from us.</p>
<p>Last Thursday, son and daughter-in-law had their second child, a boy. When d-i-l went into labor, we followed the predetermined plan. We took care of their 17 month old son. After the birth, we brought the older boy to the hospital to visit his new brother. What a great occasion!</p>
<p>My son married a great girl, who accepts my wife and I, and makes it easy to have a good relationship with our son and grandchildren. </p>
<p>Last night my wife made dinner and we brought it over to their house and we enjoyed some quality time with them. I still enjoy my son’s company–like I did when he lived in our home growing up. But now I respect and admire him for the person he has become. We’re interested in many of the same kinds of things and I really enjoy our conversations. And our daughter-in-law is like a daughter to us. </p>
<p>My wife and I have been able to find roles in which we can be useful to my son and his family. It is kind of surprising how important it is to both my wife and I to feel useful. My wife, an RN who has worked with newborns for over 30 years, has been able to provide answers to my daughter-in-law’s questions that she has had about her boys. I’ve been able to help my son out with some handyman chores around the house they own. We’ve been happy to baby sit, and give them a night out.</p>
<p>After our visit last night, my wife and I were marveling at how much joy we are experiencing with our grandkids, son and daughter-in-law. I don’t know if we’ve ever been happier. We were reviewing the lives of our friends–most of whom have children in the 25-35 age range. I would say that, with a few sad exceptions, most of our friends have really positive relationships with their adult children. </p>
<p>Cindymoose, what I am saying is this: I couldn’t have predicted such a great outcome when I was so sad when my son went off to college 8 years ago. Judging from our experience and that of our friends, you will find a way way to have a great relationship with your twins. You’ll have figure it out along the way, but it will work out.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>Cindymoose
I feel your pain. I also have twins headed off to college next year. At least they are going to same university. At one point there was a possibility of one heading north which would have made it harder to visit. I currently volunteer a lot at their high school so that also goes away. We have no other kids so I might have “borrow a niece or two”. I’m hoping to possibly to find a part time job, maybe volunteer somewhere and play more tennis. Husband & I will have to reconnect after having so much of our lives focused on our kids. It will be a interesting next year :)</p>
<p>Our twins are currently juniors in college. When they took off, so did their older brother, into his own apartment. All three at once, it was totally weird. August of 2009 was a very strange time.</p>
<p>Amazing how quickly we adjusted to coming & going when we wanted, a clean home when we wanted, still food in the fridge, and the purchase of a rockin’ co-op in NYC. Life is great, and life is always in transition. This is a transition for you, one of many, and you will survive.</p>
<p>Always remember what Paul Simon said: “How terribly strange to be 70.”</p>
<p>I’m betting you’re younger than 70, and you’re probably drawing breath on your own, so your life is good and you will survive this.</p>
<p>My first left for college in '09 and my last won’t leave until '14 (and the '09 who came back still might be home.) However, that first departure made me realize that H and I have few friends. We have a lot of Nice Parents We Talk to at School Functions; I have Nice Colleagues With Whom I Have Lunch. We also seem to have Couples We Used to Do Things With Who Are Now Divorced and Couples We Used to Do Things With Who Now Irritate Us. There is also a Couple We Used to Do Things With who Adopted a Baby Late in Life. Gotta make some friends before younger D leaves.</p>
<p>Try to catch a replay of tonight’s episode of Glee. Part of the episode was how the seniors, parents, and even teachers are dealing with the fact that high school and childhood are about to be over. The scene between Kurt and his dad was pretty touching. If you don’t like Glee, you can fast forward through the musical scenes ;-)</p>
<p>What I did t see discussed but should be thought about is being women ahem of a certain age ie menopause. It hits about this age and can have a lot of affect on moods, sleep etc.</p>
<p>Cindymoose…friends on East Coast had triplets leave last year…all to different states. Fortunately, first one left mid August, second one after Labor Day and third one two weeks later. They said the dog stepped up to fill the lack of conversation/commotion gap…and before they knew it, the trips started coming back for the summer.</p>
<p>An adjustment for all…but new horizons have opened for them, as I’m sure they will for you, too!</p>