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The private music teacher started to get interested in this instruction method from Japan. This method, called the Suzuki method, is to teach a young child and the parent at the same time. I do not know the pros and cons for this method. But this method is mostly for teaching young child. I think it is kind of like Kumon in math.</p>
<p>She was interested in learning music instrument herself. (Actually, two kinds of instrument at that time.)</p>
<p>It can be a fine line between helicopter parenting and teaching/coaching. There was so much really useful life information that I learned late in life or the hard way or both. I was genuinely grateful to mentors who helped me learn to handle appropriately a number of situations, how to deal with people more effectively etc. As a parent, I think it is my job to talk through how to handle problems of all sorts including talking to teachers about issues, point out general business and social etiquette, teach general life skills like how to do laundry, cook and clean house, critique college and scholarship essays - the list is endless. We don’t do our children any favors when we do everything for them, but neither does it help them maximize their potential if we send them out in the world to learn everything the hard way. Sometimes a good response to a kid’s complaining is “how do you think you should handle that?” Bottom line … no matter what you do, parenting is not easy.</p>
<p>Ah, classic example of über-obnoxious helicopter parent- father of daughter attending a top-tier conservatory. Girl always insisted upon auditioning for opera roles far beyond her capability and initial cast list would come out with girl listed as chorus (which was perfectly appropriate given her age and abilities, especially when you consider that she was up against masters and artist diploma students). Girl would cry and throw a tantrum in front of other students and her studio teacher and within 36 hours, the young woman would be double-cast in a role or have a featured solo in a scene. Daddy wrote a check, the dean went to dept chair and to director and told them “how it was going to be”.
Fast forward to senior year: My D got the surprise of her life when she was given the leading role in the final opera of her undergrad years, while other girl-who was a friend- had a small, featured (as part of a duo) role. The two girls were due to have lunch that day and other girl cried all through the meal and refused to be happy for my D. Apparently, yet another was made because girl was “suddenly” given the opportunity for a solo aria in a scene on one night (the girl given the assignment originally had a performance taken away)!
One has to wonder how long this sort of behavior will continue and how far it will go? Young woman is getting married, so will daddy still be the one making the calls and writing checks for darling daughter? Will the hapless young husband be expected to take on the onerous duty? A wicked little demon in the back of my mind has visions of threatening calls being made to the head of the Met, offering to fund a production in return for “guess who” singing the title role, calls to the critics, paying claques in the audience…oh, it stretches on, ad nauseum! The sad thing is that this father is not the type to do these things on his own, but his wife is pushy and obnoxious and that apple didn’t fall far from the tree…</p>
<p>Wow! Pretty amazing and congrats to your D!</p>
<p>Mezzo, that is awful…but exactly what happens all too often when parents are afraid to let their kids learn a lesson or two about not always getting what they want.</p>
<p>It’s sad when parents don’t let kids learn on their own. There are times when help is good, like the “coaching” suggested above. But other times the teen doesn’t learn anything. For example, quite a few of my friends will go to college not knowing how to pump their own gas or pay their own car insurance, despite having stable jobs. No matter what, these are the years to make mistakes</p>
<p>My S’s university (tipy top) had a parents open house. I was so excited to go to a lecture of some amazing professors (outside my S’s major) only to be irritated by some obnoxious parents. They let the professors know they were not talking loud enough, asking questions they already knew the answers to (just to sound smart), and just being generally annoying. My first thought was that the college had worked a so hard to make sure they didn’t admit students like these parents.</p>
<p>After the lecture was over, all the obnoxious parents ran to the professors to discuss in more detail… So sad. </p>
<p>My point? If you think you’re a snowplow parent, you’re probably not.</p>
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It is not exactly brain surgery to pump gas, people can generally figure it out when they have to. I never had to pump gas until I went out of NJ, and I amazed myself. I am also not sure why paying car insurance would be any different than paying other bill - bill pay online seems to work for me all the time. I never taught my older D how to pay bills or pump gas, but she seem to be able to do it when she became self supporting.</p>
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I assume those parents were invited because it was parents weekend or accepted students day. They didn’t just decide to pop in to a lecture. Why were those parents obnoxious by showing interest? What could they possibly gain from speaking with the professor?</p>
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I think you are making a lot of assumptions.</p>
<p>It is not uncommon for young adults who are getting used to being on their own to possibly forget to pay a bill or two or even have the bill properly forwarded to the address where they have moved to. This has happened to my relatives and friends. Fortunately, it hasn’t had catastrophic consequences for them and they rectify the situation as soon as possible.</p>
<p>If parents are hovering or snow plowing, they may be spared these smaller mistakes and then really have a crisis that is tougher to fix when a larger problem arises because they have not been responsible to see to the regular “stuff” that is part of living independently. </p>
<p>I think this is one of the problems of folks who are rescued to often and too much. I admit we have helped our loved ones from time to time, but when THEY cause the problem through THEIR actions or inactions, we have THEM figure out the solution that they will live with. For one relative (with lapsed auto insurance), that meant paying out-of-pocket when he was at fault in an auto accident (where fortunately no one was injured).</p>
<p>I usually pay my bills as they come in. I asked D1 how does she make sure she pays on time. She looked at me like I was crazy. She said, “I set up a calendar invite to let me know when each bill is due.” It didn’t occur to me to that.
I think most young adults get ebills and estatements. I also never get a paper statement.</p>
<p>I pay my bills as SOON as I receive them. It works well for us. I am not a fan of auto-pay for things other than my utilities and similar. Getting a paper statement reminds me to review the bill for accuracy. D & S mostly have converted to e-statements and are getting better and better about them. If and when I receive any of their paper statements, I send it to them as a text message. They generally have paid (or will pay) it before due date; works for us.</p>
<p>So how do we stop these behaviors as parents?</p>
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<p>Good for you. I lived in NJ, too, until 15 years ago. I have never quite caught on to pumping gas. Even after all these years, I still dribble gas on my shoes sometimes, usually at the worst possible times (like when I’m on my way to the airport).</p>
<p>Marian - did you have snow plow parents? If not, then I think someone’s ability to pump gas may have more to do with eye hand coordination or mechanical ability.</p>
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<p>Heavens, no. </p>
<p>I was the first person in my family to go to college, and my parents didn’t have a clue about how to help (although they supported my goal). I handled everything myself, with a little help from a couple of teachers.</p>
<p>I’m just uncoordinated with gas pumps and pretty much everything else. The only thing that’s special about gas pumps is that I have less experience with them, so I’m even worse with them than with other equipment. Living in New Jersey for 18 years will do that to you.</p>
<p>I wasn’t a snowplow parent, either. It would never have occurred to me to directly interfere in my kids’ lives after high school, and even in high school, I did it only a couple of times. I do give advice, though. One kid resents it, so I try to minimize it with him. The other lets me chatter on the grounds that eventually I might say something useful. But she relies more on other information sources than on me – and for a person in her 20s, that’s appropriate.</p>
<p>D1 give me advice now. :)</p>
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<p>My kids do, too.</p>
<p>When I flew for the first time after 9/11 (which was about 10 years after that happened), my son taught me about the new security rules and explained what I needed to keep out of my carry-ons.</p>
<p>And lately I’ve been envious of colleagues (and my daughter) who wear scarves as accessories. I’ve never done this because I didn’t know how to tie/arrange a scarf. I asked my daughter to buy me a few scarves as a Christmas present and teach me how to wear them. She did this but with a bit of an eyeroll involved about the second part, as in “Mom, didn’t you know there are videos on YouTube where they show you every possible way you could wear a scarf.” Uh, no, I didn’t know that.</p>
<p>^^^^^^I didn’t either. Good to know.</p>
<p>Lol. Just gave my scarf collection away to D1 because I have no idea what to do with them. Guess if I can find a video on Youtube to learn how to take apart a laptop or finish furniture, I could probably have sorted out the scarf situation too.</p>