<p>I have always had a loving, healthy relationship with my parents. We got along well and they encouraged me to be independent/responsible for myself and gave me freedom. I didn't cry when they left on Wednesday but about an hour after they left this huge wave of homesickness hit me and I've been feeling it ever since.
Also, I'm freaking out about making friends. I feel like if I don't make a ton of friends in the first few weeks I'll be screwed because then everyone will have friends. My roommate is nice and I have one good hs friend here but obviously I'm not going to rely on them and need to make my own friends. I've introduced myself to people on my floor, went to church, put my name on interesting club's email lists at the activity fair, participated in the organized welcome activities, made small talk with the people next to me in class today (i'm undecided so I don't see the same people in class at all), and went to the gym.
I realize it's normal to spend time alone just relaxing but I feel like a loser if I spend any time alone that isn't studying. I feel all this pressure like I need to be out there every second of every day doing something.</p>
<p>Nobody else seems like they seem scared/sad/alone at all. I'm not trying to be a baby but I'm just having a really hard time right now. How long will it take to make real, lasting friendships? How much time is normal to spend alone just relaxing and having free time? Any other advice? Will I be okay?</p>
<p>Honestly, you’ll feel a lot better if you train yourself not to let what other’s think decide how you live your life. I like to be on my own more often than the social “norm.” If you stop caring about what other people think, you won’t feel like a loser. If you don’t feel like a loser, you will be much more relaxed.</p>
<p>You’ve done everything you should to make contacts - but it’s not realistic to think you’ll instantly (or in a few days) have a huge circle of intimate friends. Just because you don’t already have a social circle the first week doesn’t mean you won’t develop many good friendships over your college years.</p>
<p>There are surely more kids who, like you, don’t really know anyone, than there are kids who arrived with their social network already there and fully developed, so remember they are looking for friends too; you are hardly the only person ready to meet people.</p>
<p>Spending time alone doesn’t make you a loser. Anyone who is actually wondering if you, personally, are spending time alone, and trying to mark you as a loser for it, clearly doesn’t have enough to do or think about. People mostly think about themselves and won’t realize or be concerned that you have some alone time, actually, so don’t worry about that.</p>
<p>Other people are feeling the same thing, they are just hiding it.</p>
<p>A few things…</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You are doing all the right things. Keep putting yourself out there and be patient. Be careful not to let your fear show too much, even though it’s completely natural you don’t want to come across as needy.</p></li>
<li><p>A lot of people make a ton of friends the first few weeks, and then shed them very rapidly around mid-year and swap into more permanent social groups. Right now freshmen are desperate and clinging to each other. They may look like they’re best friends and like you’re seriously missing out on something, but that may very well not be the case. Just concentrate on getting yourself involved and don’t worry about what the other kids seem to be feeling-- they are hiding a lot.</p></li>
<li><p>You may want to try to work on not feeling like a loser when doing things alone. Even if you have a hoard of BFFS, you are all going to be very active with your own classes, ECs, internships, jobs, etc-- and even other groups of friends. You cannot be so dependent that you feel you cannot do anything besides studying alone without feeling like a loser. It’s unhealthy and unbecoming. Developing independence in college isn’t just about learning how to be away from your parents, it’s learning how to be self-sufficient in other ways as well-- including emotionally.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>contrary to popular belief, you don’t need to make friends in the 1st 2 weeks. i made my 1st friend 3 weeks in to uni and most of the others at the beginning of 2nd semester.</p>
<p>I’m in the same boat. I have no problem living by myself and homesickness isn’t a big problem with me, but I haven’t made any friends yet, even though it’s my second day here. I walk around campus and I see lots of groups hanging out and I feel pretty alone too. You’re even ahead of me, i haven’t signed up for any clubs yet. Classes start Wednesday so I hope to make some friends then, but I totally understand where you’re coming from.</p>
<p>It’s hard at first, really hard. But try not to take it to seriously. Once you step back you’ll see it’s not all that scary. I’ve found that just by talking to the people around me in class I’ve met a bunch of cool people. I would relax and keep doing what you’ve been doing.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the answers so far. I realize it’s okay to be alone. Back home I had friends and a normal social life but I would have plenty of days where I was perfectly content to do my own thing, not hang out with anybody, and just generally be alone. It’s just that since I’m at college I feel like everybody has all these friends and I will never make new ones. I don’t know why this change is effecting me so deeply but it is. Also, I feel like all the stress is compounding and causing me to stress out about everything. For example, my bio class today was really big and the prof asked who was a freshman and I was only one of 2 or 3 people to raise their hand so now I’m freaking about being in a class with all older kids and that I will be the only clueless person in lab. (Rationally, I realize that it will be okay and if I don’t make any friends in that class then that’s fine but I’m so stressed!) Basically, I’m terrified that I won’t make friends, that this place will never feel like home, and I won’t like/love college. I’m trying to be rational and keep a positive attitude but on the inside I feel like crying all the time.</p>
<p>^ don’t worry about bio at all. Probably a lot of those people are taking that class for general education. In fact, they probably did what I did and just put off taking that class for a long time.</p>
<p>Double B you need to get control of your thoughts before they can only become a reality. Work hard at eliminating negative thoughts. When you have a negative thought replace it immediately, before it is complete, with a positive affirmation. Then get moving and focus outside of yourself. Say positive things to others, but expect nothing in return. Be careful to look confident with your posture and your face and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself when you screw up a little. It’s okay. Everyone is feeling awkward at some point, some more than others. Some are better at hiding it, but they are all feeling it to some degree and don’t forget that. There is nothing wrong with seeking out a counselor to help you through this uncomfortable period. It can only help. It is your time to invent who you want to be in this next phase of your life.</p>
<p>PS. spend a lot of time studying in common areas for a while and keep your dorm room open when you’re in it!</p>
<p>You sound like a great kid. Be an actor for a while! Think positive!</p>
<p>So I WAS going to make a thread exactly like this but thanks to you I don’t have to :]
I am by definition a loner - antisocial, depressed, bipolar, and I smoke(d, god damn you dorm/government laws) weed everyday. Having been at college for 6 days now I have made 1 ‘friend’… my roommate. I used to revel in being alone when I was at home. </p>
<p>Here I am now constantly thinking about what others think about me and why I’m not walking with someone else or making conversation. I’ve also joined a few (cycling, young libertarians, and skydiving!) clubs but have yet to meet anyone whom I feel has been interested in talking to or being my friend.</p>
<p>I’m truly not bragging but I am good looking and can converse effortlessly, meaning I usually make friends easily. However I know I have been sending out really negative vibes to people this whole week lol, if this is the case with you as I assume it is then I want to make a pact with you right now:</p>
<p>whatever happens happens, this is not the pinnacle of our lives but the beginning. Caring about what other people think of you in itself grants their thoughts relevance in your universe. By simply not caring and being yourself you have trumped any and all worries that could crop up. </p>
<p>Trust me I know that. That happened to be what turned me antisocial with all the fake ‘friends’ gradually changing their texts from “hey we’re going to xxxx’s house wanna come?” to “can i get a half e?”.</p>
<p>Put yourself in others’ shoes, you aren’t the only one homesick.
Look around and see if someone from your hall is eating alone if so go chat them up and share a meal.
If someone in your hall has their door open for guests, knock and say hi and introduce yourself.
If someone asks you to go to a lame dorm party, go and have fun.
It’s about putting yourself out there and exposing yourself to new experiences.
Learning how to be alone and confident in yourself is part of growing up.
Don’t be so distraught and dramatic about loneliness to your parents, they will worry unnecessarily.</p>
<p>There’s a similar thread from another college freshman with other people joining in to say they feel the same. So, you’re not alone. </p>
<p>I’m a parent. One of the best things my kid did was to email friends who started college the year before during the first few weeks. LOTS of them were really lonely and had trouble connecting with people at the beginning. That lowered expectations–which helps. I think we sometimes over sell the “college is the best 4 years of your life” idea and people expect nirvana. </p>
<p>It takes time to make real friends. Just keep trying.</p>
<p>Hi. im in a simular situation. I started at my university and have been here for 10 days. Its not that i dont make friends or hate my roommate, but a part of me hates it here. I really want to transfer to be closer to home, and my parents tell me to give it a chance here, but that if i really want to i can transfer. I don’t know what to do. I would love to hear from people who transferred college to be closer to home possibly during there first semester, or advice from anyone.</p>