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<p>Sorry, must have mis-read that earlier post. I thought this was something pledges were being asked to do.</p>
<p>In my experience, any date going to an away formal would bring a cooler-Greek or not. Also, it wouldn’t just be the guys drinking the booze with their dates. Hotel rooms are also generally shared so everyone drinks and visits each others rooms. when I went with someone I wasn’t dating we shared a room with another couple that was not romantic. Yes we drank the entire weekend, but that was just part of college life celebrations back in my day. Decorating the coolers is mainly a sorority girl thing because we tend to attract those with an affection for puffy paint (though that particular part of my DNA is lacking). Think of it as a hostess gift. The guy has shelled out for a hotel room, tickets to the dance, etc. The date contributes with beverages. </p>
<p>It may sound insidious to some but realize that this is all very voluntary. Not all members of the fraternity will attend the formal. Those females attending are not forced to go on this date, they are invited.</p>
<p>Yes, my impression was it was younger girls, who were then asked to share hotel rooms with their dates, who they might not even know.</p>
<p>X-posted, I see.</p>
<p>^No, it is an optional “away” date event.</p>
<p>I’d also like to add that the insinuation that women who attend these events are unchaste or sleazy is very unfair. My understanding (and the way they functioned when I was in college) is that they are a big group affair. Groups travel to together and stay together. Couples may pair off, but that is no different from what happens in the dorms every night of the week. Its funny how parents seem to have no problem with their adult children living away on their own in a co-ed environment where alcohol is ubiquitous (the dorms), but suddenly when the venue is moved off campus it becomes scandalous.</p>
<p>Most guys would not want to go to their formals with unknown dates. In my experience, msot people know each other. couples, especially. On occassion, you will get the brother who doesn’t have a date and he will enlist others to help find a date. Even then, there is generally enough time to go on a date or two, in order to get to know one another. In the days before buses to events, we would drive with other couples. 4 hours in a car with a stranger can be very awkward, which is why most of these dates are with people that you know.</p>
<p>X-posted with Bay</p>
<p>I’m feeling old. This is the first I have ever heard of the “cooler” phenomenon. I was in a sorority almost 40 years now and was sweetheart of my boyfriend’s fraternity and we never considered decorating a cooler. We would have considered that decidedly uncool. Things have really changed with regard to the formal dances since I was in college. We had the dances in the campus ballroom and the school provided mixers on each table. We just had to bring the booze and everything was right out in the open so you just waltzed in with a bottle or two in a bag. </p>
<p>The first girl who came up with the stupid cooler decorating thing should live in infamy, but I’ve never understood sorority girls going out of their way to come up with more ways to look silly. The songs, the costumes and rush in general are more than enough to meet that quota.</p>
<p>I give props to the guys for keeping these coolers so as to not hurt their feelings. I remember watching confused parents dragging out several coolers when moving a young man out of the house while I was visiting my old campus last year. I imagine them sitting in parents garages after graduation.</p>
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<p>Again, a reminder:</p>
<p>Coolers are NOT a sorority thing.</p>
<p>They are a fraternity thing, and they are made girls who attend fraternity away-weekends. These girls may or may not be in a sorority. </p>
<p>Please don’t keep your daughter from joining a sorority because you think she’ll have to decorate a cooler and fill it with booze. Her sorority will not ask her to do that.</p>
<p>Bay: “I’d also like to add that the insinuation that women who attend these events are unchaste or sleazy is very unfair.”
I didn’t realize anyone was taking it that way. My concern was that the female in this situation sometimes might feel pressured to have sex if the male was paying for everything besides the booze. It’s easy for you to feel in control of a situation until suddenly you are not.</p>
<p>^A agree with you redpoint, and that is where your role comes in big time, before your daughters go off to college.</p>
<p>Adding also the parent of a boy, we drill into their heads nowadays about the definition of rape. It is much too risky for a boy not to understand it.</p>
<p>Also, not all fraternities do away formals or expect their dates to bring the booze. I asked an almost-graduate who is close to my DS if the dates decorate coolers for their formals, or bring booze and his quote was “I wish!” He looked up these coolers and laughed. It is NOT a universal thing.</p>
<p>From the Wash U student paper…</p>
<p>[The</a> not-so-hidden expectations behind fraternity formals | Student Life](<a href=“http://www.studlife.com/forum/2010/04/19/the-not-so-hidden-expectations-behind-fraternity-formals/]The”>The not-so-hidden expectations behind fraternity formals - Student Life)</p>
<p>[Response</a> to fraternity formal debate | Student Life](<a href=“http://www.studlife.com/forum/2010/04/26/response-to-fraternity-formal-debate/]Response”>Response to fraternity formal debate - Student Life)</p>
<p>I asked my two DDs who have been in sororities and went to several away frat formals each and neither had ever heard of the cooler thing. They said they stayed in rooms with other girls and the guys were together, but I’m sure there was not across the board.</p>
<p>Great articles Haystack, thanks.</p>
<p>I have to say that being part of a sorority has been great for my daughter . Now that she is an upperclassman, her influence has had some positive impact on her sisters, particularly the younger ones. She has encouraged them to focus more on philanthropic events and also got a dozen of them to join her in a half marathon.
When she came in as a freshman , there was definately more opportunities for underage drinking than there is currently.
She has done a lot of volunteering outside of the sorority as well, and I can’t help but think that she has been influenced in a more positive than negative way from being part of Greek life
Also, they have to maintain a high GPA to be in hers.</p>
<p>I’m reading the comments section now, which run the gamut. Here’s this gem:
"You know the culture of these events. You know the expectations. If you know your date is reserving a one-bed hotel and you choose attend while saying nothing, then you are tacitly agreeing to his expectations beforehand. Don’t like it? Don’t accept the date. He doesn’t owe you anything.</p>
<p>Women have had equal rights for a long time now. News flash: it also comes with equal responsibility. Unless of course you believe a double standard is fair." </p>
<p>In this case, the poster completely expects sex in exchange for the hotel fee. The date is expected to be his call girl.</p>
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<p>Good to know. My daughter didn’t join a sorority. Greek life is fairly irrelevant at her school and she never considered it. Of course, looking back on it, it was fairly irrelevant on my campus too, but I didn’t know it. About 20% of my campus pledged, but because I was very involved in sorority/fraternity life, I had no idea it was so few.</p>
<p>But the opinions vary greatly in the posts, inclding many that call that poster out as well. It is a heated debate and many seem more angry that it seems like the writer is airing private dirty laundry. </p>
<p>I myself really like the opinion piece. She takes responsibility, acknolwedges that nto everyone succumbs to the pressure or exerts pressure. I also think the pressure to hook up with a guy is not just a problem at formals and it is a minefield that can start as early as middle school and continue into adulthood.</p>
<p>Agree with MizzBee, the pressure on women to have sex with their dates has existed since forever. That is what cell phones and moms are for today. My Ds know they can always call us for help if they get into an uncomfortable situation.</p>