Typical Girl Behavior Or A Form Of Mild Bullying?

College Life
1

Ever since the school year started, I’ve tried to become friends with some of people on my floor. After a month went by, some of the people eventually became cool with me, but there’s a main group of girls on my side of the floor who are friends with the people who I’m friends with. They all seem to get along with several people on our floor. In fact, I even made a friend with one of the girls. But, she’s a part of their clique.

When some of them were in the lounge area one time and I decided to go there to study, they said something like this: “Oh, look who’s coming.” I didn’t do anything wrong to them at all. In fact, I actually did something in which they reacted as if they didn’t care about it. I just wrote short, random rap songs, all custom, made up by me on a piece of paper. I then slid it under their door. But then, they said that it was weird. Thinking back on what I did, it wasn’t the best decision on my part. They also don’t want to talk out their problems like mature adults. Maybe I could’ve said something in person, but instead, I slid a note under their door about how we should fix this issue, so they probably got the message and didn’t care what I said.

Just today, I walked past their room and while one of the girls was going in, she said, “Incoming”, which was most likely directed towards me.

I just can’t stand this stupid, silly behavior from girls. I’m completely over it, but now, I have to live and deal with them for the rest of the year. Although, they also have to deal with me, so maybe there’s nothing to worry about.

On an extra note, I didn’t mean to complain about this, but this immature behavior by girls probably gets on everyone’s nerves. I also understand that everyone will not like me, but you should always give people a chance in life. You only live once, so just do it. Hey, you never know, something good might happen to you if you decide to meet new people.

Also, please understand that everyone deals with stuff differently. So, what might not be a big deal to someone may not be for someone else.

2

People are weird. When they think something isn’t “normal” they think it is cool to make fun of it. I think it’s pretty cool that you wrote those custom rap songs. I don’t really know how to fix the situation. But just know you didn’t do anything wrong. People are really weird when you show interested in them. Good luck.

3

The note under the door sounds kind of passive-aggressive. But whatever. Go find your own friends. Via activities or clubs, volunteering, study groups, etc. I wouldn’t worry about them.

4

Not sure why you keep emphasizing that it’s a GIRL problem. Guys can be immature too.

You did something they thought was weird and they’re not interested in being friends with you now. Let it go and leave them alone.

5

Just sounds like you are guilty of trying too hard…which a lot of us do when placed in a new setting and trying to form new relationships. It’s ok if they feel a certain kind of way. Let them go & do you. Spend time getting to know other people without pressuring yourself to make them your friends. True friendship is organic. Allow it to develop on its own.

6

Their loss it seems.

7

I do think it is more of a “girl” problem and I wish there were no “mean girls” but their are. You sound nice and I agree that you should join some clubs and make friends with other girls outside of your dorm. The same girls that were mean in 5th grade sometimes grow up to be mean women at the bunko group. But, the good news is that in college, you get to choose your group and you get to spend time with who you want.

8

The slipping of notes under the door does come across as trying too hard and a bit odd, if I’m being honest. Even the smallest of colleges have tons of other students. Cut your losses and move on. Look elsewhere for friendships. Join activities and clubs where you’ll meet people who mesh with your interests. Just because people live in close proximity to you, they don’t need to be friends. If you busy yourself with being engaged elsewhere and finding friendships organically, this will all blow over with time. I’m not condoning their behavior but I feel you made a few missteps here as well. Just chalk it up to a learning experience and move past it.

9

Before I post my response, I just want to apologize in advance if some of my thoughts and ideas are pushed to the limits. But, this just bothers me to the point of wanting to fix this once and for all.

In regards to your posts, I do like to hold grudges at times. I also let things go if it’s necessary to me, which I’ve done before. I think that if I certain let things go, then I’m not solving the problem. I’ve been through some similar situations in the past, and I never fixed them in person. I know that I have confidence issues, which is why I left the notes. You might think otherwise, but let’s think of it like this:

Letting things go solves the problem for them, but they’ll always judge you about everything else. I know that I shouldn’t worry about this, but wouldn’t I feel awkward when my friends are friends with them? I see some people go into their room to visit. They’ll be giving false information about me to them. It’s just a part of life that sucks, but why can’t people just talk out their problems between each other?

Honestly, I’m the type of guy that tries his very best not to cause any conflicts between other people. An impossible task if you ask other people, but is it really? I just don’t want to be falsely judged when they tell lies about me to them.

So, I made the decision to drop some “hints” to some of the people on my floor in order to fix this problem. I might even step up to the plate and just talk to one of the girls straight. Hey, I heard that girls like confidence in a guy, so why not? I’m just sick and tired of being treated this way. Some people make it look so easy when they make new friends, so why can’t I be like them?

On an extra note, confidence takes some time to build, so don’t be surprised if this doesn’t make this whole situation any better.

10

They are not trying to date you, which is the situation in which most people usually call upon that saying.

11

@sta3535 You can’t control what others do, think or say. The only person you can control is you. The quicker you learn this lesson the easier things will be.

12

@sta3535 – I just read your second post, and it completely changed my opinion. I thought that you were a girl concerned with your relationships with other girls. Now in your last post you refer to yourself as male. To me, that doesn’t really make this a bullying issue, but a rejection one. Relationships between sexes are different than between member of the same sex. They don’t know your motivations, and may feel that you are angling to become “more than friends” … as such, they might be more rejecting to get across the clear message that they aren’t interested.

By pushing too hard, you have made things awkward, and you will really just need to back off and be yourself for a number of months. Assuming “yourself” is someone others of both sexes like being around, some of them may eventually stop seeing you as a threat and give you the second chance at being the friend that you want.

On another note, girls do like confident kindness and leadership in a guy. They don’t necessarily like equate “I’m going to tell you what your problem is” with confidence.

13

I’m not trying to control them at all. I just want to let them know how I feel about this situation. After I tell them my side of the story, then they can take it however they want to. That would solve the problem for me.

14

You like to hold a grudge? At first I thought you were a girl, but you say you are a guy. You have to understand that you are giving off a vibe to this group of girls that isn’t working for them. The notes under the door probably made them feel nervous, but this is how they are expressing it. There is nothing you need to do to “resolve this once and for all.” Just ignore them. Find other people. Frankly, your posts are a little concerning. Just be you. You don’t have to be like other people.

15

@sta3535 You said, “they’ll always judge you about everything else.” “They’ll be giving false information about me to them.” “I just don’t want to be falsely judged when they tell lies about me to them.” You also mentioned that you would drop hints…

Oy vey…stop already. It’s too much (the notes, the “they must be thinking this or saying that”, the hints, etc.) for me and I’m just reading it. I can only imagine how the girls in question may feel. And I somehow missed that you are a boy. I assumed you were a girl asking about other girls behavior. This whole conversation just went completely left. I don’t see good things happening the more you push/force closure.

16

@sta3535 Completely ignore them. Completely.

They are not interested in “fixing” the situation or they would have. Who cares about them. Will make no difference in your life long term. They probably just want you to leave them alone. The attention is probably creeping them out.

Go read the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

17

@sta3535 And I would not drop hints to others. Most guys don’t involve themselves in girl gossip. These girls have every right not to like you if they choose. You cannot force them to feel otherwise. What was your rap about? Was it complementary of them? Critical? At this point I would just leave them alone really. Especially if you can’t just speak to them directly. That comes across as NOT confident. You’re in a hole. Stop digging.

18

I can’t believe that I just got insulted on here, and by a mother (in your username). You know, I guess that I won’t do anything about it then. It’s not worth the additional problems. Another wasted opportunity to make friends with some of the people on floor, what a surprise.

To have this happen to me twice, once last year, is just unbelievable. Last year, I didn’t leave any notes, I just did some immature pranks like pressing the buttons on people’s doors for their card keys and shaking their door handles. I then realized that no one liked it, or thought it was funny, so I quit doing it altogether. Even if it was a harmless prank, it still made some people upset. I will work on my confidence for the rest of the year and beyond that. By then, I’ll be calmed down and comfortable enough to make some new friends. I also have some social issues that I dealt with even before these problems occurred.

Overall, I probably made a huge deal out of nothing, so now, it’s time to move on. I always had issues with this type of stuff. So, I’m sorry if I wasted your time by complaining to you about this.

On an extra note, people have done worse stuff than I did, so if you ever compared them to me, this would be nothing to them.

19

Ignore them and move on. There are plenty of others you can become friends with.

20

“I can’t believe that I just got insulted on here, and by a mother (in your username).” I sense some paranoid here. The sentence was used as response to two female posters who were only tried to help you analyzing your situation. I am deducting that you have trust issue and bad experience dealing with opposite sex. There are always some rules of social norms, and if you operate outside of these rules, of course, people would try to avoid you unless they have been friends with you for a long time. Your posting about sliding the uninvited rap notes under others’ door and pushing the bottom and shaking other people’s door nobs, as least seem to me, are outside norms when people are basically still strangers. It will be good for you to talk to your school counselor office on your experiences that you posted here and look for advice on how to improve your relationship with others, because those staff would be professional on this issue.