<p>A girl I know asked me if I wanted to be her roommate and I said yes. I got to know her better since then and I've realized that we would not get along at all if we shared a room. I called the school and I unrequested her as a roommate. I don't know if I should tell her since she gets mad very easily and doesn't let anything go (she is still mad that someone called her a brat in 3rd grade and to this day won't talk to them or anything). Housing assignments should be mailed out pretty soon and I'm starting to get worried about what I should do. There is no way that I would room with her, so that's not an option. I'm willing to deal with anyone as a roommate as a consequence.</p>
<p>Should I:
1. tell her (and most likely ruin our friendship even though we have a few classes together in the fall)
2. just not tell her and act surprised/mad when we aren't assigned to each other (if I do this, what should I do when she wants to call the school or something?)
3. try to do something so she will call and unrequest me (she said that if I started smoking she wouldn't want to room with me, so I could just leave a few cig. packs laying in my car when we go somewhere or something like that)</p>
<p>I'm really starting to get stressed about this and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be great.</p>
<p>Suppose that you really wanted to room with her, and you ended up in different rooms. What would you do about it?</p>
<p>Would you go to Housing and complain? Would you ask your RA to switch one of you?</p>
<p>Those are pretty much the worst-case scenarios, because someone is going to say, eventually, “We didn’t put you together because you didn’t both say you wanted to be together,” and at that point she’s likely to get extremely upset. I know I would be extremely upset if I thought someone was my friend, signed up to room with them, got assigned to a different room, and then found out from an RA that we wouldn’t be living together because the other person said they didn’t want to.</p>
<p>On the other hand, the best case scenario is that she’s figured out she doesn’t want to room with you either and will be (secretly or otherwise) relieved.</p>
<p>You’ve got to figure out what you think are the odds of the worst-case scenario (how likely is she to approach people who work in Housing about it? How likely are they to tell her the truth?) and whether you’re willing to take that risk. It’s a gamble, basically. You telling her is going to be worse than the best-case scenario and better than the worst-case scenario, and you’re going to need to decide whether you’re willing to gamble on her not following up.</p>
<p>If you do decide to tell her, you can say something like, “I’m really glad we’re friends, and it’s important to me to keep this friendship. But I think that if we lived together, our friendship might suffer because I intend to bring beer and marijuana into our dorm room and have guests over late into the night, while you have a volunteer job you have to get up for at 3 am.” I would put more emphasis on my habits and traits that I didn’t think she would like and on her very legitimate expectations for her room, because it is likely to seem to her that don’t think she’s good enough to room with. All the same, if she can’t deal with that, that’s unfortunate, but your friendship wasn’t going to last all that long anyway because you’d have done something else she didn’t like – and it will be a good thing for both of you that you unrequested her.</p>
<p>I was in this situation in the time frame before the applications and deposits were due. Girl A and B have never met me, i promised A i would room with her but she began to show more and more to me that i would be miserable with her as a roommie. Girl B and i really clicked, we’re like long lost sould sisters, we talk all the time, make fun of our jobs, and talk about things that interest us. I didn’t like the idea of A being my roommate when i found out she was cheating on her BF, thought she might be preggers, and blah blah blah (insert drama here). Those things really don’t go along with what i want in a friend or roommie, plus our convo’s were always about her life and her problems. </p>
<p>I made the mistake of telling her, i wish i hadn’t, because now we’re not friends. Oh-well. I could’ve tried to salvage it, but i guess that isn’t going to happen.</p>
<p>I had an experience w/ a friend sort of similar to this (except I really do like her a lot, and we had already spent a year together in college). </p>
<p>We were pretty good friends and had been planning on rooming together, but I realized eventually that rooming together might destroy our friendship, since we would likely be incompatible roomies. I decided to be honest and told her, that because we have different hours/studying habits, we could end up fighting a lot and ruin our friendship, which I really value. She took it really well (turns out she had been thinking something similar) and we both are rooming with other people! </p>
<p>So maybe just tell her that you want to stay good friends and have realized that rooming w/ a friend can actually destroy a friendship (it really is true)</p>
<p>Tell her that you’re worried that rooming together will ruin your friendship and since you value your friendship, you want to avoid something that might ruin it. She may or may not understand (or come to understand eventually), but I think it would be a mistake to not say anything to her.</p>
<p>Don’t tell her anything yet.
Even though you un-requested her, there may still be a slim chance that the housing assignments were already made & you’re stuck with her. And if that’s the case, it would totally suck if you told her you unrequested her or if you made her mad.
When you find out your housing assignments, you can still act surprised if you aren’t rooming with her, and then tell her stuff about how maybe this is for the best because they always say don’t room with people you know because it’ll ruin your friendship - so this way you & her “can stay friends”</p>
<p>A friend of mine gave me this brilliant idea: say that you had a friend who you said you would room with before, but your friend decided not to attend that school, so you went searching for another roommate (and found her), but now your friend decided to go back to this school and asked first.</p>
<p>This is so dumb, just tell her you don’t want to room with her, no need to decieve or be dishonest, if you don’t like her anyway why do you care if she gets upset and doesn’t want to be your friend?</p>
<p>From a parent: Blame your parents. Say that they would not allow you to room w/someone you knew. Saves the friendship. Just remember to tell your parents you need them on this one.</p>
<p>This kinda happened with my sister, she just didn’t want any of the drama bs anymore. If your friend calls housing, they are not supposed to tell her that you requested to unrequest(at least at her school). She isn’t friends with those people anymore I think.</p>
<p>I’d kinda agree with the manning up position some people are saying, since she’ll probably put 2 and 2 together and figure out what you did. And I doubt that she’d like ‘backstabbing’. It probably would’ve been best to man up before sending in the unrequest request though. On the other hand, maybe you two will be randomly roomed together! Its unlikely but possible, it would save you the trouble but would be awkward if you manned up before finding out you were roomed together anyway.</p>
<p>Where is this girl from? If it’s a random person from Facebook or a HS classmate, now is the time to be an adult. Tell her that you have some issues and you just don’t feel comfortable talking about them. See how she reacts. This is exactly how an RA will deal with roommate problems- get two people to 'fess up and have things out in the open because the two of you are sharing a space together and need to be able to get along.</p>
<p>If it’s a good friend, now is the time to test your friendship. And it’s tough but if she really wants to be your friend at the end, she’ll understand and let you have someone else for a roommate. If not, then , well, it’s her loss. She’ll mature and forgive down the road. College is about meeting new people and making new friends so I would not absolutely sweat this situation out.</p>
<p>But DO have the converastion before the housing mailing comes in!</p>
<p>It’s not that I don’t like her as a friend. She is just too high stress about school stuff and I don’t agree with some of her ways. I’m also a neat freak and she is just a slob. I still want to be her friend, I just don’t want to live with her.</p>
<h1>3 seems like a creative good idea to me. I don’t see how it would harm anyone in the the long run. Why don’t you try it and see what happens? Best-case scenario: she un-requests you and you both get what you think you want; worst-case scenario: she tries to reform you/turns you in for smoking, hehe. The worst-case scenario is pretty unlikely though…edit: or if you’re >18 it’s impossible :P.</h1>
<p>Okgirl- what if your next roommate is a slob? Many students are actually slobs to varying degrees. I’m a neat freak who gets pretty stressed with schoolwork but I’ve learned to live with lots of different people.</p>
<p>It’s what college is all about. Making compromises and learning to live with others. Why should you care about how she behaves towards school? You can always escape to the library (although she might be more likely to hang out there) or the campus center or to your friends’ rooms if she gets on your nerves. About her slobbiness, you need to remember this ONE thing: BOUNDARIES. It’s a difficult thing to do- I’ve lived with 2 roommates (at different times) whose floor would be covered with trash, papers, waterbottles, et cetera and even though I had to see the sight every single day for the semester, I had to remember that their stuff wasn’t touching MY side. Just turn your desk away.</p>
<p>You might as well let this whole thing go and try her out. She might change once college starts… especially when she sees how small the dorm room is.</p>
<p>I already posted something in this thread, but on second thought, I think it’d be best for both of you and also get it off your chest if you were honest with her. You should just be like “Hey, you know, we would make great friends and should definitely hang out at college, but I dont know if we’d really make compatible roommates. I think I’m just going to go random. Cool?”</p>