I just meant that my niece, who liked her school, liked her BFF roommate, knew lots of people on campus, STILL thought about transferring to CU because many of her friends were there having a good time.
@twoinanddone I believe @HarvestMoon1 was referring to
Toddler prodigy!
Obviously goes to school in the WWP district.
OP Do you have any kind of distant friend, sorority sister, or third cousin in the area? My youngest went through this and frankly she just needed a few hours off campus to breathe. Freshmen can be reluctant to venture too far outside the campus but itâs really good for their mental health.
I would encourage her to hang in there, but also to take risks. My son is content, but not super happy, at his college. He is home doing an internship for January, and still prefers his HS friends over anyone he has met at college. I have encouraged him to do something other than study and play computer games when he gets back to school. You really do have to take risks to make friends in college. Join a club, go to a party, work out at the gym, etc.
Thank you to all! Itâs been encouraging to read all these posts and learn more about her options - as well as advice about making things better. She has âstabilizedâ â but she is applying transfer to Brown, Vassar, Barnard, Vanderbilt and USC. Weâve heard various things about each school. They are a real mixed bag and weâll be cautious about where sheâll go if the does end up switching because we donât want her to jump from the frying pan into the fire.
The sorority week pulled the rug out again - as she only ended up being called back to 3 out of 12 and finally just to one - one she liked least. Sheâs got a lot of character though and picked herself right back up and sought out other opportunities. However, the sorority thing can be a pit of vipers for a sensitive and vulnerable freshman - it really made me think very little of these exclusive clubs.
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Good luck to your daughter and hang in there mom. So sorry to hear about sorority week, that didnât help your girl, but might have helped your family make a decision. Hugs to you all.
So she didnât finish rush because she didnât like the house that liked her? I think you have to accept that sheâs just unhappy and not showing a positive side to make friends. Schools like Vandy are big on sororities, and she may have the same social problems there if she is starting as a transfer. If the school has 12 sororities, Iâm guessing Greek life is big where she is too.
Thatâs quite a list of different types of schools, all far from home. Sheâs not even going to apply to CU?
Greek life is pretty big at USC as well. I note all of those you listed are urban schools, yet CU-Boulder is notâŠwhat kind of environment is she seeking? Also, check transfer policies for fined. For example does Brown give full aid for transfers?
Waitâyour daughter rejected a group that was interested in her, and youâre complaining about the groups being exclusive and judgmental?
Boulder is pretty urban. Itâs 25 miles from Denver, but has itâs own real live malls and every chain restaurant and of course Whole Foods and there isnât much open space between Boulder and Denver, one just blends into the other.
âGreek life is pretty big at USC as wellâ
no- not any more.
Only about 20% % of undergrads participate in greek life these days.
http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/usc-1328
https://colleges.niche.com/university-of-southern-california/greek-life/
20% = a rather small % of students, not a âpretty bigâ % of students.
Greek life at Vandy is big. I cannot imagine getting a bid as a sophomore.
I think some of you are being a little harsh with regard to the OPâs daughter not pledging the sorority. Yes she needs some friends, but if it wasnât the right fit or if she wasnât comfortable with it, then she made the right choice by not joining.
Iâm sure she can do more to help herself, but my heart still breaks for her and her mom and I think some of the comments above probably are hurtful or at the very least could have been phrased more gently.
â20% = a rather small % of students, not a âpretty bigâ % of studentsâ
It really is. Most schools have a small percentage, under 10%, but you still know the greeks are there. If it is 20% or more, thatâs a lot, especially if there are houses on campus. My daughterâs school is only about 5% Greek, but there are 15 or so big houses, right there in the middle of campus. Hard to avoid them.
I wasnât criticizing for not joining, but that she doesnât seem to want to join, doesnât want to be at that school so didnât have a successful rush. Really, they can tell if you donât want to be there, donât want to join them. In fact, if sheâs not going to stay, she shouldnât join because then she couldnât join another house if she does transfer. She needs to find a place where sheâll be happy. I just caution about going to another school where a big social focus is Greek Life, and to another school that is far away when the original post was about how she just wanted to transfer to CU to be with her friends. As her mother said in todayâs post, they donât want another situation that is like the current school. Current school seems academically fine, just not a good social fit.
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@cupcakeâs post #8 is right on the money. Reading old HS friendsâ perfect lives in other colleges is indeed poisonous. When the freshman kid faces a challenging atmosphere in the new school in a new town with nearly everyone a stranger, they can easily turn to their old friends on SNS and seeing them having a good time in their school, it is easy to blame the hard condition on the school. If this is the mindset, no one will try to, or can, adapt properly. One of my children never recovered from this mode of thinking
Last Summer when we visited UPenn on a college tour, the presenter said along this line: if you find it hard and not happy in the first year, do not blame the school because it is always like this for the freshman no matter where they go because it is the first year, new environment, new academics, new people, new everything.
So, this can happen no matter which school she goes to, but some schools can be easier and better than others to adapt to because of more old friends, proximity to home, etc. In all situations, however, it is the kidâs health (emotional/mental health, preventing an irreversible health problem) that should be the deciding factor, not the prestige or name of the school. I wish I can go back 5 years. I kick myself for not having acted properly when the signs surfaced in the first year and still had the time, but now Iâm afraid I lost the child permanently.
Why would your daughter apply to similar competitive schools if she is unhappy socially at the one she is at? If she were one of mine and unhappy at a school like Northwestern, Iâd suggest considering exactly what about the social scene in the school isnât working for her. As her parent, you may have more insight into this than is apparent in your post. And your comment âwe have a plan to apply to CU Boulderâ may be very telling as naturally she needs to have a plan. But I would think the last choice would be for her to transfer to a school likely to be more similar than different. Boulder seems like a great idea and Chicago would be just like staying where she is. And, the other schools seem simiarly likely to be filled with the peers of those at Northwestern. Maybe the need for prestige is driving one of the decision makers but that desire is likely to interfere with finding a good solution.
Iâm going to be bunt which isnât intended to be mean spirited but helpful. Your daughter sounds like what some call a âgrinderâ. That is not necessarily a criticism-just a reality. It could be viewed as a tortoise-hare thing. She worked very very hard in high school to get top grades. Grades and not interest in topics or material fueled her motivation. Iâm sure she got a ton of support from her parents And her straight Aâs were a source of pride for everyone. She continues to be highly motivated to get top grades. But, it is probably much harder for her to do that. She is surrounded by students who did not get Aâs by keeping their nose to the grindstone. Rather, many were fueled by their interest in the things they were involved in; most probably got straight Aâs with relative ease. I would guess her roommate was viewed by your daughter as less academic because she was probably one of those types of students. So she may have been more inclined to party and goof off. For your daughter, grades continue to be her prime motivator so she is loath to put down her guard. She also has to work very hard to get the grades she wants-they donât come easily for her.
I donât know you and I may be way off. I am reading between the lines from your brief post. If I am correct, then you daughter is unlikely to be happier at another competitive school. It isnât true that all students should go to the most competitive school (meaning most difficult to get into or with the highest scores) they get into. I would expect your daughter to be equally unhappy at another Ivy League plus school. Boulder seems like a far better idea.
Iâll add that " achieved something by getting into this school " is off base. She did not achieve anything by getting into the school. She achieved when she got Aâs in her classes. She was admitted to the school. Had she not been admitted would you say she was a failure despite an outstanding GPA? She would not be a failure to transfer to a school that is a better fit for her either.
FYI, the greek houses at USC are all 6 blocks from the edge of campus , on frat row.
Which is certainly not the center of campus life, lol.
@wisteria100 , itâs true that the OPâs D was well within her rights not to join a chapter that she felt was a poor fit, but I donât think itâs fair to claim that the sororities are being cruel and exclusive when she turned down a group of women that were interested in her. It bothers me to see prospective new members (ârusheesâ to use old parlance) claim that sororities are being exclusive by rejecting them when they werenât, in fact, rejected, but instead rejected groups themselves⊠If a student applied to, say, all the Ivies and was complaining bitterly on CC that all the Ivies rejected them and that they couldnât go to an Ivy when they were in fact accepted by their least favorite of the bunch, Iâd think that that student would get read the riot act.