<p>I’m going to take a different tack- I think she was just venting to mom, with more histrionics and sadness she hides from peers.
Finals are coming and the stress levels are reaching Def Con levels.
A summer home to recharge her batteries and hang around the family and childhood friends will get her ready for next fall.
I would encourage the family support her and if she is depressed, seek counseling but encourage her to go back her sophomore year at a school she clearly likes.</p>
<p>Girl is in charge of decision.</p>
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<p>This sounds more like a band-aid solution- she can come home when she’s feeling lonely, but it doesn’t address the real issue. It would seem a shame to switch schools for this. And it would likely deprive her of a great social life at college, which is such a great aspect of going away to college.</p>
<p>I encourage you (like others have) for her to see a professional, rule out depression, to tease apart what is going on for her emotionally, what is real vs. what are her potentially inaccurate perceptions and assumptions, and come up with some real solutions (vs. temporary/band-aid ones).</p>
<p>Well, we know she isn’t at IU if she’s making sure to get football tickets! :)</p>
<p>I feel like I’ve been through it all. Both of my kids at times have said that they are having problems with friends and being excluded. It happen to both of them at different times and both have felt the same way your D has.</p>
<p>Some things that are hard. First of all my D has reported that there is a difference between Midwestern people and east coast people. It’s nothing your D has done but there is a cultural difference and people may see her as something different than she is. Also it might be the sorority. The dorm mates may be anti-sorority and your D can do nothing about it. They may be into things your D isn’t and they don’t invite her because they know she is not into smoking/picking up boys etc. </p>
<p>It kind of depends on the university. If she goes to Indiana, lots of girls pledge winter semester and hang out with the sorority. It’s very greek and life revolves around that. Ohio State has a small greek presence and she might run into a anti-greek sentiment there. I hear Michigan State is very cliquish and people run around with people from HS where Michigan kids are from all over and the greek scene is also smaller.</p>
<p>It’s hard to say if transferring is the right thing or not. One of kids stayed and has been really happy. Found his people and has not looked back. One is still questioning where she should be but she is like that. Not happy with where she is and always looking to change.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until my junior year that I found friends who called me on Saturday nights and wanted to do stuff together. I had a great time in college my junior, senior, and senior year of college. I didn’t find my niche freshman and sophmore year.</p>
<p>It’s hard to hear our kids struggling…I would think that if your d thinks she’s depressed, I’d encourage she seek out a counselor on campus to do an assessment, and see what the counselor suggests. I’d want to address that, if she’s struggling, it may be what is impacting her ability to socialize like she has in the past, (as others here have said). I’d leave the decision about transferring or staying til after knowing what’s going on with her. </p>
<p>If it’s what you suspect OP, that she’s feeling rejected by current dorm mates, then imho, it may be better to encourage her to work through that and seek out new friends, adapt to the social strain, seems if she transferred for only that reason she may find the same type of issue at her new school, (although if closer to home she’d have that support) If she’s depressed, and really having hard time being closer may be beneficial…</p>
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<p>I’m glad to hear that because her plan of moving closer to home so she could come home on weekends was a terrible plan. It’s a sure fire way to feel even more isolated from her school.</p>
<p>As someone whose depression set in during her late teens, I implore you to have her screened for clinical depression. I too had a terrible dorm situation the second half of my freshman year but the depression it triggered lasted far longer. Back then, there were simply not the resources and I can only imagine how much better those years would have been for me with early intervention. If nothing else, talking with a therapist can help her deal with her feeling from this rocky situation.</p>
<p>I spoke with her this afternoon and she’s had it. I highly doubt she will give it another go. She’s leaning toward a very good, private school on the outskirts of Manhattan. She will either live on campus or commute from home (about an hour away).</p>
<p>I don’t think she believes the disconnect can be remedied. I have to support her decision though I am disappointed. </p>
<p>BTW, she’s not at Indiania U., though she was accepted there.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear it didn’t work out for her hopefully she’ll start the fall fresh. MOWC we also know she’s not at UofM because there are tons and tons of kids from NY there so she definitely wouldn’t be an outlier…it’s abit of an instate joke :-)</p>
<p>I sincerely hope that I am wrong on this, and that a change of scenery will make everything better. But you ought to prepare yourself for the possibility that it won’t. And try not to lose the summer months waiting to see if things will be great in the fall if you have any sense that maybe they won’t be.</p>
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I’m not sure the size matters, but if anything, I suspect it’s easier to have a “pervasive culture of loneliness and isolation” at a large school than a small one, because it’s easier to feel lost in the herd.</p>
<p>I was intrigued by what the OP said about a floormate telling her daughter she was leery of her because she was from NYC. Maybe there really is regional prejudice operating here, possibly exacerbated by the daughter giving off prickly vibes without meaning to because she’s frustrated and unhappy. I know that people from other parts of the country often expect to find Northeasterners harsh and unfriendly, and I think they tend to interpret our behavior in the light of that expectation. Maybe something like that is going on here.</p>
<p>Well said, lindz and pugmadkate. While it is hard to watch our kids struggle, sometimes we need to help direct them to someone else other than ourselves who might be the best resource for their particular difficulty. Pugmadkate commented that if she transfers to somewhere closer to home (is there even still time to apply to transfer?) in order to come home on weekends, she may be less likely to establish a good social network at the new school if she doesn’t spend many weekends there. Certainly it is possible that she may quickly fall into a great network of new friends and not want to come home, and merely know she could if she needed to, but IMO, its harder to make new friends at a new place, especially if she’s had difficulties this year. I’d suggest she give it a little more time and see a counselor and address the mood issues, ans they may follow her wherever she goes. By the way, that link to the MH resource for college students-- I found it on OSU’s website. They are aware of the needs of their students.</p>
<p>Will she be home for the summer? You’ll be able to see first hand how she is doing and whats up. I recommend you get her to see a therapist ove the summer who can help her with adjustment issues. Hopefully that is all it is.</p>
<p>If what you describe is a change from her normal demeanor (ie she is normally outgoing, secure and socially successful) this is more likely an adjustment disorder or depressive episode, as opposed to someone who has always struggled with social relationships, apprehension, separation issues, etc.) While both benefit from therapy/intervention, the first represents a change, rather than what might not have been unexpected for a person going off to school who has had these struggles before. Can you clarify?</p>
<p>**** crossposted. An hour commute each way will get old real fast. She may also be less likely to do things with friends at night if she then has a long drive home. You might want her to rethink that plan.</p>
<p>She’s not at U of M either. We’re narrowing down the field! :)</p>
<p>I think there may be an East Coast thing going on. During rush she didn’t get invited back to any house that had OOSers. </p>
<p>nightchef, I agree with you on school size. It really doesn’t matter. She comes from a large suburban HS. She grew up going to school in a sea of people. This is a girl who always had tons of friends and was always out and about socializing.</p>
<p>gym626, I told her that she may experience the same thing at another school. There are not guarantees. Her response is that if she is within driving distance from home, she has the choice to do so.</p>
<p>Yes, an hour drive stinks, but she also has the option of taking the train. It would be similar to what many do here of commuting into the city for work. </p>
<p>She is not a depressed person, ever. I have to stress that. She has got to be one of the happiest, easy going people I know. She loves people, having fun, etc.</p>
<p>Cross posted again. Since this does sound like a definite change from her normal persona, please, PLEASE have her talk to someone at OSU. If someone is having a major mood issue, that isn’t the best time for them to be making major life decisions.</p>
<p>It’s OK, I think many kids fantasize about heading to a different region or doing something “different” than their friends. I took much kidding when I was young and in California. My nickname was “Wisconsin” and I’m not from Wisconsin probably because I looked like a pink cheeked Midwesterner rather than a lithe, blonde native Californian. It got tiresome.</p>
<p>On March 2, the OP wrote: “My D is a current freshman at XXX (and LOVES it)…”
The same post talked about the school being a “perfect fit”.
How can you go from love to hate in just over a month?? I agree with post #36.</p>
<p>Since it is such a large school, did she get involved with anything other than the sorority? Does she play intramural sports, join any other clubs, participate in music, etc.? Maybe she needs to get together with other students with common interests other than the sorority. 
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<p>She does LOVE the school 1sokkermom. I never said she hated it. I said she is depressed due to the lack of socialization and the fact that she is being left out of things by the girls on her floor. She is VERY disappointed.</p>
<p>This is a girl who wanted to explore other regions than the East Coast. She was looking forward to meeting new people, from other parts of the country. What she’s experienced is not what she bargained for.</p>
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<p>Wouldn’t moving to a new floor fix that problem? She could probably do that this weekend if she wanted to, and at least have the rest of the quarter/semester be better.</p>