<p>usmominuk - Although I am one who, unlike you, has no experience which would allow me to relate or resonate with LTS' situation, I truly enjoyed reading your post. LTS parenting style is very much different from mine. Yet, your soft and emphathetic style and support of LTS certainly *does[/] resonate with me. That is what I love about this board. We have so much to learn from others who coming from entirely different places.</p>
<p>The safe harbor approach is sometimes the best one. It also helps to read the tenets of Al Anon. I know this is not a substance abuse, but their philosophy about how not to be an enabler is excellent. It seems that Fred's parents are enabling with their "benevolence" and generosity regarding financially supporting the relationship. It could be too that they regard your D as a good influence. I know that I am always hoping that my boys meet some girl who will help them and bring out the best in them. I'm not that girl, thank God. </p>
<p>With my D, her best option is to stay at the school where she is, get back on the prescribed pre-med track, reapply to med school next year, and she will have the best chance of getting in there. I did not think this early grad thing was good idea for this very reason, but she did not want to hear it. I am going to go visit her for a day or two so I can spend some quality time with here. Since she has been with her fiancee, I have barely gotten any time alone with her as he is always around when she is here, and there are just some things you can't say with someone else around. And to ask to speak to her privately, makes it into a big deal thing, arouses his resentment and feeling left out and, of course, curious. So, I will fly out there and spend some time with her, something I probably should have done last year, and did not do. It's really rough when they are growing up and going out on their own and other people become involved.</p>