<p>All this, and there's a kid (male) on one of the threads saying that his parents have to drive 8 hours each way to pick him up for Thanksgiving, and he doesn't want them to bother. He thinks it would be easier for everyone if he just stayed put at school.</p>
<p>If only he understood how much his parents probably miss him!</p>
<p>I appreciate this forum and your discussions so much. Let's all meet somewhere and have some fun!</p>
<p>I am pleased that most folks I speak with are impressed with how personable S is to them in person & on the phone, so know that his very terse communications are primarily to us.
On the other hand, he does have only 1-2 minute conversations with most of the folks he speaks with on his cell phone as well. He has NEVER been a chatter, especially on the phone. I'm so glad to hear that he has many friends as a freshman & by all accounts is THRIVING in college. :) Who could ask for more?
He was also able to charm the associate dean during his interview & whenever I've seen him interacting in his own settings.</p>
<p>Son comes home in 9 days!!!!</p>
<p>I just KNOW I will be on a thread like this one next year and I can only HOPE my son will be so busy and happy that if he forgets to call, I'll understand. I'm sure it's hard though. And so much more difficult if they sound sad.</p>
<p>I'm already working on S2. I've been telling him to call at least twice a week when he goes to college next year. His response- " Two times a week, why?"</p>
<p>It is genetic! My in laws have phone phobia. Maybe that works in a country full of reserved introverts, but it is a social killer in America where extroverts rule the day. </p>
<p>If I want to talk to the boy, I call him. If he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't pick up. When we do talk, we talk for 20 to 30 minutes at least and he seems happy to blab away. I try to catch him once a week--otherwise, I cannot keep up with his everchanging life plans. Anyway, I want him to tlak to his wife when he travels. She'd be unhappy if he never called her so he's in training!</p>
<p>Yea, my hubby & my dad are not chatters--must be the male chromosome? We're lucky if we can get him to talk for >5 minutes at a call, tho sometimes we have been able to. I think it's mentally healthier for our youngsters to be able to talk to loved ones, even if they aren't trilled to do so & yes the future spouse will be grateful that the groundwork is laid.</p>
<p>Son CALLED at 11:30 p.m. last night. I shot out of bed stumbling to the phone. He said he thought we would rather have him call us when he is able to than not at all. Correct! After waking up out of my stupor, we talked for a half hour. He keeps flip flopping about his plans and his feelings about college. It took me until well past 2:00 a.m. to fall back asleep. Still, I am grateful. need coffee [//]D</p>
<p>Send you a cup of strong coffee with a hug :) (we are all in the same boat :( )</p>
<p>My D has phone-phobia too; she does her chatting by IM (but not with me).</p>
<p>That being said, we got a rare call from her yesterday... to tell us that she's going to South Dakota this weekend! (um, exactly how far is that from Missouri?) I was kind of expecting her to <em>ask permission</em> if she could go, not just <em>tell us</em> she's going! She gave us some details and she'll have her phone, but geez.</p>
<p>My daughter lost her cell phone yesterday.... so it may be awhile before I get any more calls.</p>
<p>Well, we have 2 S's and their phone habits couldn't be more different. S1 is a talker. He calls to chat and to talk things through. We know he will do what he wants to do, but he often calls to run through the possibilities with us. It's great for us becasue we get a little window into his life. S2, on the other hand, can seldom carry on a conversation longer than 5 minutes. Occasionally we will have a long, chatty phone call, but I really believe that all the planets have to line up for that to happen! Now I haven't seen this kid since August and I CANNOT wait for Thanksgiving. And even better, we're meeting somewhere other than home so I won't have to compete for his attention. I've followed this thread from the beginning and I know how those feel who have little contact with their boys. S2 has also said on many occasions, "I'm happy to talk to you, but I never think to call...feel free to call me anytime." And I do. It took awhile to stop feeling like I was intruding, but now I value even the 5 minute check-ins. So my H and I call separately and get our little "dose" of this kid and for now it seems to be working.</p>
<p>When I am feeling neglected or longing for news I try to remind myself that my grandmother was lucky to get one letter a month when her 18 year old was in the Pacific in combat and that my mother had to settle for one call every few weeks and once in awhile a letter I would deign to write. (She wrote weekly and I loved to get her letter; but did I make time to write right back, no). So in some ways we are victims of how technology has led us to want way more communication than many kids are naturally inclined to give their parents at this life stage. Do I like it? No. Is my job to accept it with some grudging grace? Yes. Am I glad to have this company of fellow sufferers? YES!</p>
<p>When I think back, I don't recall ASKING for permission to do much once I left home for college 3000 miles from my home myself. I told my folks I was going to celebrate a week of Channukah with my room mate from college in Portland (about 1.5 hours north of school). I told them I was spending the second week of the break with my new best friend in another suburb of Portland, celebrating Christmas. This was my 1st year away from home! I was never offered nor asked for a plane ticket to go home until my dad insisted I was going to work at a job he got me over the summer in Honolulu rather than accepting one of the two summer camp jobs I had gotten myself in Oregon.<br>
Every summer, I'd get myself a job near my U & every summer my folks would insist I come home & work at the job they got me instead, which was just about the only time I'd see them or they see me. I ddi respond to every letter I got from my mom (she wrote about daily or at least every other day) & my brother also wrote several times/week from his law school (where he was pretty homesick all 3 years).
I accept my S, tho I wish he were just a wee bit chattier & more forthcoming about his new & exciting life. :)</p>
<p>That's true MMAAH. My own lack of communicating with my parents was because I did not get along with my mother. She was critical and non supportive of just about everything I did, and doesn't respected me as an adult. And though I'm not like her, I'm concerned that my son might feel the same way about me.</p>
<p>dear averagewoman: i hope the cascade of previous messages about uncommunicative offspring with y chromosomes will reassure you. i have also consulted with a number of grown men who have always had perfectly fine relationships with their mothers who admit to being completely incommunicado in the late teen/early adult phase. it is a pretty common aspect of separating I think. given how much you didn't want to replicate a troubled parent-child relationship, its likely you've truly succeeded. He just doesn't get it yet and probably won't truly until he has an 18 year old....and one nice thing: development happens. We're really not in charge of theirs anymore....mostly have to trust them and the universe and the mystery of human growth. But it is hard...</p>
<p>I am... and off to the airport to pick up my son later tonight. He has an 8 PM flight, scheduled to land at 9:10. I'm sure we'll bask in being reunited till..... tomorrow when I ask him to do the recycling and pick up his brother. But I can dream for a few more hours, can't I?
Hope everyone has a good thanksgiving and reunion with their kids! Then the "missing" will start all over again!</p>
<p>I'm jealous! My son is not coming home for Thanksgiving, it just wasn't worth trying to get him here when he has to be back by 7:00 Thanksgiving night for a practice. We went down this past weekend and had a nice visit though! It was fun to meet some of his friends. He is going to his roommate's for turkey so I won't be depressed thinking of him just sitting around campus on the big day.</p>
<p>I felt that way when my son didn't come home for the Jewish holidays in Sept. That was really hard for me... especially when my little nephews (2 & 5) kept asking for him. What kind of practice does he have on Thanksgiving night? Isn't that overkill?</p>