<p>I just think that boys have a harder time communicating over the phone than they do in person. (My husband always hands me the phone after talking with his mother for a minute or so; she gets most of her information about him from me.)</p>
<p>I wanted to give my D, who is a freshman, some space when she went off, especially since she found the college experience as exciting as she had hoped. I tried not to call more than once a week, and when I emailed, I never expected a response. A month and a half into it, I called her twice in one week. I asked her point-blank whether she minded. She said no, not at all, that she loved hearing from me but she didn't always think to call herself. The same held true for email. She loved getting them, but didn't respond because she was so busy.</p>
<p>They need to know that "home" is still there as they try to break away to form their own experiences. As parents, we might have to hold up one-sided communication for a while. </p>
<p>I sense that underlying your OP is a concern that your son may be involved in drugs and/or alcohol and that you've taken his silence as a sign that this may be the case. You won't know this until he comes home for winter break - and even then, it may be difficult to detect. Yes, you should be alert for the signs, but also know that his behavior isn't all that different from other boys who have gone off to college.</p>
<p>As parents, one of our "jobs" is worrying. Always has been. As time goes on we will worry less, no doubt, but it's not an easy transition.</p>
<p>Now with cell phones & IM, email, etc. it's so easy to talk for just a few minutes or shoot brief emails back & forth. I am happy to communicate occasionally & briefly, saving the long conversations for when they are home. </p>
<p>It's so wonderful to see and hear the formerly "taciturn" one getting excited as he tells me what he & his friends have been doing. And giving advice to his younger brother who is still in high school--I hear my words that I thought were ignored coming out of his mouth! So funny.</p>
<p>Quote: "He refers to his college apartment as "home" (that was a dagger to the heart at first)."</p>
<p>I had that exact experience and identical reaction with each of my kids, --I think it occurred at some point during their sophomore years. So great that they're happy and comfortable in their surroundings (but, do they have to be that happy and comfortable?!--just kidding... I guess).</p>
<p>When I mentioned booking his flight home for Christmas, and a possible family vacation in early January, my 19-year-old freshman son replied that he didn't really know how much he'd be home over the holidays. "I'm thinking of going out West skiing with my new friends," he told me. "Oh. How are you going to get there?" "Ummm, would you and dad support that?"</p>
<p>He will be spending the holidays with us -- but I am glad he's made such good friends already!</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep it shorter, if he ever gives me the opportunity to talk to him again. What's the matter with him? Doesn't he realize I could die tomorrow!!!!!!</p>
<p>My Freshman son and I have stumbled into an email game of sorts. It started with his away messages being quotes from his favorite TV show.... and me trying to identify them... now we try to "stump" eachother with quotes and triva... mostly from tv or movies... but I also threw in some family history (which my parents & my sister enjoyed because then he called them to try to get some answers). It means I occassionally get emails from him... it gives me a reason to write to him without being stalking.</p>
<p>That aside, he really does IM or call me every day or so.... usually when he has a few minutes to spare while walking someplace. I'm used to short calls.</p>
<p>Tonight I IM'd him to tell him 2 DVDs he was waiting for arrived UPS at home today. Again... a good excuse to get in touch! we ended up IMing about the elections for 1/2 hour.</p>
<p>I'm happy that my S & D IM each other sometimes. They have always been close & I think it's nice for them to have their private channel of communication that is separate from "the folks." D really seems to like it as well.</p>
<p>Freshman D has been calling only about every 10 days. She is really busy with a travelling a capella group and some pretty rigorous classes. Once she does call, we have long and interesting conversations, mostly about her a capella group and new friends. I do feel like I am mostly asking questions, but she has a lot to say when I do. We email, but those are usually short and "business". Finally, two weeks ago, when over 2 weeks had gone without a call, I just laid it on the line. I told her that I needed to hear her voice once a week just to know that everthing is ok. We agreed that she would try to call on Sunday nights around her bed time (she is in boston and we are in so cal.) Well, this past Sunday she called at her "bedtime" which was almost midnight here..........3 am there!!! I think we need to have her call just before our bedtime instead. I am grateful that we did talk for over a 1/2 hour. I am still waiting for her to ask us how we are doing.................but maybe that will happen when she is a sophomore.</p>
<p>I have a Freshman son 5 states away who simply will not initiate calls or chats (unless he needs something) and is very taciturn, dull and monosyllabic on the phone. I have had some pretty rough days worrying about him since he sounds so bad (and I have nothing else to go on). He has always disliked talking on the phone. We just brought him home for fall break. He seemed happy, relaxed, talked and visited with us and had a party at our house for all his friends who came home to see him (he's 5 states away, all his friends are within 2 hours of home). From everything he's told us and his friends he likes his school. Yesterday he hugged me goodbye at the airport and walked away without a backward glance. I, of course, watched him go thru security and down the concourse until he disappeared from view. Then I cried a bit. I called him last night to make sure he made it ok. We talked for 5 minutes and he was taciturn, dull and monosyllabic. I just have to assume he's ok but it's hard not getting much feedback when I can't see him.</p>
<p>Sounds like so many of our sons are identical (or near identical) twins. Sounds like all of these young men have their present/future GF's work cut out for them?!?!!? :) Oh well, it's good to know our kids are doing well, tho you wouldn't necessarily know it from their terse 5-minute calls.
I guess it's nice to know none of us are alone, tho it does make us wonder whether it's something genetic or somehow how we raised them?</p>
<p>I guess I would ask: were boys always this way in their teens and early twenties? I hold out hope that my son will become a better phone communicator as he matures. It certainly would help us to have a better relationship. Also, so much is done by phone today... I sometimes worry that he'll get left behind when he get in the workplace. Could you imagine a phone interview? Or perhaps they rise to the task when they need to (maybe is just us parents who get the monosyllabic treatment!)</p>
<p>Maybe its genetic. I have 2 sons and both of them are so thrifty with words. My husband is the same. It used to bother me, but I realize that not everyone loves to talk like me. I also have four brothers and one of them is a talker and the other 3 are not. Maybe it's a gender thing.
S1 used to call every week but lately he has been busy with midterms and his extra curriculars that we have initiated the calls just so we can talk to him. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break. He spends a couple of evenings with friends but mostly he stays home preparing for finals.</p>
<p>She called! She called! And not to ask for money! :)
D is a not-into-sharing type of girl. When we call she's cordial, but not terribly communicative - lots of 'yes' and 'no's and skimpy with details. So it was a thrill to hear from her at 11:30 PM her time -- and to have her ask if we voted, since there were well-publicized problems at the polls in our city. I could be happy that she's become more interested in politics since she went to college. But really, I'm just thrilled she called. Sappy, I know: but true.</p>
<p>A few observations about communications that I have made since the departure of my DS this fall:</p>
<p>1) Will read e-mails sent, but does not always respond.
2) Does not like to talk on the phone uless he has initiated the call. But he will call when ready to talk.
3) IM is a great way to stay in touch, but try not to over do it.
4) Text messaging is his no.1 choice of communicating with Mom & Dad. They are short, simple and to the point. It appears that from the cellphone statement that this is how he is communicating with the masses.</p>
<p>I was lucky enough to attend a few award dinners with my son where neither one of us knew anyone. I sat in amazement and as I watched him work the table and the room like a seasoned pro. Eye contact, firm handshakes, efforts to get everyone in on the conversation and making a bunch of strangers come together in light banter. Who was this adult man and what did he do with my son?</p>
<p>Forward to his freshman year at school and he finds it difficult to find anything to talk about over the phone. I think he is just not a phone, email kind of guy. He is very here and now, doesn't gossip and couldn't talk about his feelings if his life depended on it. I think alot of guys are like this. I just never noticed until he moved out and is not physically close. It is so much easier when he is here. I remind myself of this over and over and over....</p>
<p>Shouldn’t be this way, but I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one with early winter blues missing a child. Kids don’t understand what their parents are going through, the same way we didn’t understand our parents complains when we were teenagers.<br>
I’m getting used to the brief talk, but sometimes, my S gives me the surprise that he wants to talk, and I feel so good with that!
He is coming home in 13 days 17 hours and 10 minutes (hoping no flights delays).</p>