<p>I thought that I would offer up this thread again, primarily for those parents who will be watching their high school seniors head off to college for the first time. There are many many good suggestions that truly helped our family. Please start from the very begining of this thread, and read as many as you can. So many awesome people have offered so many great suggestions. </p>
<p>Our son is now going off as a College senior (after 3 full years at a University), and will be graduating this next May. What an adventure. It started off so fun, it quickly became a nightmare, and with the help of many people from this forum, and with the maturation process (both for us the parents, and for our son), things are going well.</p>
<p>Our best wishes to all families, with students in college. (Again, please start at the beginning of this thread).</p>
<p>Gosh, I remember this thread! How helpful it was when I was sending my firstborn off (long distance—plane trip away) when Helms2Lee was sending his son off as a freshman too.</p>
<p>We are now doing ok with the communication and have somehow settled on mostly Instant Messaging once a week or so (in-depth) with maybe a quick communication or two in-between. I have even been called by my son when he “realized” he hadn’t talked to me in a week. Do I get the funny, indepth, day-by-day descriptions of his life? no. Does it hurt as much to be out of the daily loop? no. Gee, it was so tough to send the first one off.</p>
<p>The second child goes off in 2 weeks. Maybe it’s because he’s only 2.5 hours away by car, maybe it’s because he <em>likes</em> talking to me (which could change), but it is much easier this time.</p>
<p>Rising college senior here, too. Miracle: he now calls “just because.” He calls to get my take on a situation or to share. </p>
<p>I think the change is due to the fact that he is sufficiently secure in his independence that the notion of consulting me does not connote weakness.</p>
<p>Helms2Lee, thank you bumping this and the update.</p>
<p>Mom of a rising senior here too, and although my daughter and I have always communicated regularly and well, it hasn’t been without the occassional bump in the road. The biggest adjustment for both of us was finding a way to communicate “I statements” without it sounding like a directive. For example, as she prepares her grad school apps, I can now tell her, “I’d be happier if you weren’t applying for grad schools in CA; it’s sooo far away” without her feeling that I’m somehow saying, “Don’t apply to grad schools in CA.” She now gets that I’m always going to have what she calls “Mommy feelings” but those feelings don’t have to dictate her every action.</p>
<p>Good to hear from this thread again! My son is also a rising college senior. He had a few rough years, focusing entirely on friendships and not on academics. I’m happy to report he’s now “firing on all cylinders.” He does have wonderful friends, a major he enjoys (anthropology) and a possible focus for the future (hospitality). And even a girlfriend!</p>
<p>It’s amazing what a few years of maturity can do!</p>
<p>Thanks Helms2Lee. Great to hear the good news. We also have a college senior, and we remember the days of the freshman year, and lack of communication. Guess they, and we have to find our ways.</p>
<p>My son is moving out in a UHaul in 48 hours to his first job in a far away city after a May graduation and loss of initial job due to economic crisis. He just invited me to be there last week for two days to help him navigate and to select an apt…nice memories. I am very conscious that it is almost certain that the next time he moves and is selecting his place of residence, my opinion/company won’t be needed because he will have friends with him to get that task done with him…and that is after all what we want for our kids…that they find their way to a strong peer support group by their 20s when they enter the world of work…they need people in their generation for support in new ways because the world of work is defined by their generation for them…so many times I reflected on how things in my day really don’t correlate as I looked with him in the city where I also happened to also move to find work at age 22 in a vastly simpler world.</p>
<p>I didn’t detect any worries about Mom present last week…but on move in day this week…he doesn’t want me there…because “Others” in the building might think he is a wussy overprotected less than grown up. Ha. He probably has a point. I recall this thread, and appreciated the Helms2Lee family’s honesty…every family is unique re what makes up “normal, cordial and respectful” communicaiton in both frequency and in content/style indeed. </p>
<p>I envy those parents whose children merrily text them day and night with fun trivial information. This was not our family culture at all. We settled for once a week with expectations that the conversation offered would be fairly chatty and informative. We seldom texted or IM’d in four years. </p>
<p>My advice to new readers is that you have this talk with your kids and as a baseline state that respectful and cordial communications with elders is a family value. Talk about what the entails in your family. Set up a minimal expectation, and try to let the rest go.</p>
<p>I recently threw out notes I had taken when our son called us from Europe on a cheap card…weekly…and talked sometimes for an hour in great depth. This really made the sacrifices we made for him to have four years (at Duke) feel worthwhile…to hear he was not only happy abroad, but also independent abroad and gloriously attached to his friends, teachers and to the language and culture he was studying. </p>
<p>I hope I can weather the empty nest years coming up with grace and can figure out the new standards for cordial respectful routines with my new young adult children. In all honestly…it will feel like a strange new world and we have a new place to find our footing in ahead as a family.</p>
Do I get the funny, indepth, day-by-day descriptions of his life? no. Does it hurt as much to be out of the daily loop? no. Gee, it was so tough to send the first one off.</p>