<p>Warning: long. But you all have been so supportive and concerned that I wanted to let you know how things are going. </p>
<p>D has turned herself around. She is definitely returning next semester, and over the break was talking about what her major might be, possibilities for her study-abroad semester, and was heard to use the word “friend” in reference to someone at school. Oh, and she casually mentioned that she has set herself the goal of being her class’s valedictorian. She hasn’t spoken the words, but apparently she intends to stay. </p>
<p>So what caused this 180? We haven’t asked, because we’re pretending we never doubted, and we don’t want to put her in the position of having to explain her earlier histrionics. Someday I will probe, but not now. It didn’t hurt that her advisor guided her toward a “killer schedule” (D’s phrase; killer in a good way) of alluring classes for spring semester. Or that her workstudy bosses are going out of their way to make her job fun (e.g., she spent an entire afternoon alphabetizing a wall of books in one of the prof’s offices, which apparently is the best task anyone could ever be assigned). But I think it really began with a committee, of all things. </p>
<p>Early on, she joined the school’s dance group, and was soon drafted onto the steering committee. (I suspect the long arm of the Freshman Dean here; she had mobilized half the campus for the D Outreach Project.) D was given a small assignment by the committee which utilized some of her past dance experience, and the kid took that assignment and ran with it. The first thing she did was call me for some information she needed, and it was the very first call which did not include the words “I hate this place.” Apparently the committee liked her work and gave her lots of praise which inspired her to further heights of committee work. At one point she texted, “The convenors LOVE me!” </p>
<p>This happened a few days before Halloween, but then came the Halloween party drama. The co-chair of the committee (a senior!) invited D to go with her to a school party/dance; it was to be D’s very first social outing. At first she was excited and we had several hours’ worth of intense discussion about costumes. As the time drew near though, she began to lose her nerve. Despite my best efforts, she had pretty much decided to spend yet another Saturday night alone in her room when, of all people, her boyfriend out here in California stepped into the fray and persuaded her to go. Bless him! When we asked about it later, she said “Oh. Yes, I went, it was fun.” Just like that. So casual, as if the previous 2 months of misery had never happened.</p>
<p>But apparently that broke the ice for her, that and the committee. My guess is that being on that committee has made her feel that she’s making a contribution to something which others value. Or maybe she feels like she’s finally “inside” a group, and one which has a pretty high profile on campus at that. After feeling so rejected and alone, it must be balm to her soul. And it has one perk – members get a special sweatshirt with the committee name on the front and the student’s name in BIG letters on the back. She wore that thing almost continually when she was home for break, and I imagine wears it alot at school too. I think it says “I’m somebody.”</p>
<p>At Thanksgiving, she went to see her old therapist, and the first thing she said afterward was, “Nate said that his first semester was alot like my first semester, and he turned out fine.” It was a revelation seemingly; I refrained from reminding her that during her rough time, quite a few people had told her the same thing. Instead, I nodded wisely and said, “You know, I think alot of people do. In fact, I think what you’ve been going through is actually the norm” and she agreed. Which is really the bottom-line change. For 2 months, the main source of her unhappiness was that she thought she was the only one, and could not be convinced otherwise. Now she understands that there’s nothing odd about her experience. She still has some settling in to do there, and doesn’t yet have anyone who could be described as a close friend, although she is establishing some friendly acquaintances. But she finally knows that she’s on the same track with everyone else, and that makes all the difference. As so many of you said, she just needed to give it a little time, and she needed to find her people, and she has now done both.</p>
<p>Someday, possibly during senior year when she’s looking toward her next step in life, we’ll go back over this experience and see what she can learn from it, and how she can better handle other major transitions. Then again, maybe she won’t need our help at all; she’s a smart kid (future valedictorian, you know!) so she’ll probably figure it out on her own.</p>
<p>I didn’t post about this sooner because I wanted to look D in the eye over Thanksgiving to make sure it was real, and it seems to be. My heartfelt thanks to you for listening to my earlier rants, and for your wonderful support, sympathy and suggestions. I now feel qualified as an expert on the subject of miserable freshmen, so I hope I can give the same helping hand next year if it’s needed.</p>
Or she’s found a couple great college towns…but she doesn’t care for the campuses. Arrrghhh. SO—she decided her “perfect school” is 2,000 miles away! Very different climate. The state, itself, is fairly conservative, although the campus and town are more liberal. This school fits everything she’s looking for in a college. Big campus with gorgeous architecture and landcaping. Rah-rah, sports-oriented. Good academics. The major she wants. Fun, small college town. The whole enchilada.</p>
Has she ever considered library school?</p>