This kid normally got As and some Bs. In Freshman year, the school thought the kid was suicidal and sent the kid home a few times, she still managed to get mainly As, she was slowly improving, but has difficulty focusing…Parent asked the school to evaluate and after doing the educational evaluation, school said the kid did not require 504 nor services at end of freshman year. During mid-term, the kid got mainly Ds and Es, school provided a 504 plan and some accommodation, the kid is moving to get back As and Bs, but some classes she will likely get D and C for the overall grade… What can a parent do? it will be too late to drop the classes and the grades will likely affect her college application and scholarship applications…
If my daughter went from an A/B student to a D student and was sent home multiple times for possibly being suicidal, I’d be far more concerned about the root cause of the problem than her grades for college applications. It sounds like the parents are leaving it up to the school (504 eval) to figure it out? Given what you’ve described, I don’t think that’s a chance I’d take. There is something missing from this picture, and it sounds serious.
The kid is under the care of a psychologist and a psychiatrist and is improving. However, school refuses to provide the accommodations… say psychiatrist suggested reduced homework or modified homework, but school refused because the kid is taking honor classes as a result, the kid is not handing in homework which is a reason the grades were low.
Understandable that her grades would go down if she doesn’t turn in her homework, but again, what’s the root cause? Why isn’t she turning it in and why did they send her home multiple times as possibly being suicidal? Seems like something is missing here and it’s more serious than meets the eye.
I know you probably don’t know the answers either and I’m glad she’s getting professional help, but just telling you what comes to my mind. The suicidal aspect would scare me to no end. Life sometimes throws curve balls at us that make us realize what’s really important. If I were her parent, I don’t think I’d worrying about college right now.
It isn’t the time to worry about college admissions. She, and you, will have to deal with that at a more appropriate time. At this time it isn’t right to focus on applications and scholarships. It is time to focus on supporting, stabilizing and doing consistent work at school, turning in homework and how to get that done. Have a talk about passing classes being important for graduation and for college but no pressure on A’s. Also discuss that it isn’t appropriate to take honors class when you can’t manage the requirements for regular class so that isn’t a good plan for the coming year. Back off about scholarships, scholarships aren’t going to happen with D grades. That ship may have sailed. She may have to start at a CC and transfer after proving the work and grades. And that is fine, plenty of people have to do that for various reasons. Or if she turns it around you may have to aim for a more modest or lower price college. It isn’t time to figure that out yet, she doesn’t need the pressure.
I agree with BrownParent that now is not the time to worry about college admissions. I would go further and say that now is not the time to worry about school at all. Focus on your child’s health, and if that means withdrawing from school to homeschool or work on a GED, so be it. Your primary goal as the parent of a suicidal teen is keeping her alive. If school is contributing to her anxiety and depression, than a leave of absence (either temporary or permanent) is appropriate.
I speak from experience. My child had a similar history and despite intensive treatment, her mental health didn’t begin to significantly improve until we convinced her that school didn’t matter. We withdrew her from a competitive magnet program and homeschooled the last 2 1/2 years of high school. She was able to finish high school by taking community college classes once she was healthy again, and will be going to her first choice college on a full tuition scholarship in the fall. I am convinced that had we kept her in her original school, she would not have survived to graduate.
Agree with IlamBehini. Focus on now. The direction for the future may take some twists and turns, but focus on there being a future.
The school evaluations are focused on academic needs, not diagnostic or treatment issues. Glad you have chosen to get the outside assistance for your daughter, and good luck to you both.
The school is failing to offer needed accommodation. I would quietly consult with a disabilities attorney. Try to work out a way for her to make up the work and bring grades up retroactively. But make sure her mental health is improved before asking her to do too much.
@IlamBehini gets it.
What do you do? You say: We love you.
Not “we love you any way” or “despite your grades” That makes your love conditional on her school performance. You say: we love you. You’re a great person. What can we do to make your life more pleasant? hug
School doesn’t matter at all now. All that matters is that your child feels safe and loved. It would be great if she could feel that no matter what she does, she is loved and safe.
Nothing matters but her feeling loved and safe. This needs to be repeated about 1000 times.
Let her know first that she’s loved. Hug hug hug. Then get her off the treadmill. You may need to tell her many times that it’s okay to drop out of high school and get her GED or homeschool or unschool. Let her know it’s okay to drop classes or switch schools if she wants to a no-pressure school.
Unschooling is what we’re doing now with our burnt-out child. That plus multiple hugs and messages all day of “You are already just right just the way you are.”
Remarkably fast this child is brightening up and finding a path of personal interest that I do not understand. That doesn’t matter. All that matters is that the child has found a satisfying path.
The academics are always there waiting, if she decides to go back to them. If she decides, not if parents decide. (Community college transfer to regular college.)
^^^^Yes, 100x yes to this.
College would be the last thing on my parent mind right now. Get your D healthy first. But yes, would’t hurt to contact a disabilities attorney with education experience to see what the options are. Not so much for grades, but just to see if the school should be doing more ‘other things’ to help your D getter better.
So…what did “the parents” do? If this were my kid, I would,have them in some serious counseling.
Please listen to @IlamBehini and @Dustyfeathers. This very bright child needs to focus on her health, and needs to hear from the parents that they cherish her, not her grades, potential college choices nor career aims. Grades are simply markers of how she’s doing, not the goal.
I lost a nephew (high school) and best friend (college freshman) to suicide. Both were very bright kids who somehow got the idea they had no future. The future isn’t dependent on straight A’s or the “best” school. My best friend was at an Ivy, but in hindsight (of 30+ years) she would have been better served at a less intense and smaller school.
Both had wonderful loving parents. Unfortunately, the parents had no warning signs and they thought they were being supportive parents by encouraging good grades and good schools when the kids needed something more basic. In this case, the parents are lucky - they got a warning.
“Follow the child” . “Love the kid on the couch.” However worded, the message is the same: focus on the child, not external “validation” like grades.
I’ll add that this is a great case for family counseling as well. Is the psychologist speaking with the parents separately, or just the student? Not looking at status updates but rather how to provide support given the situation. Obviously don’t need an answer on a public forum but something to consider.
Several persons suggested your daughter needed accommodations in high school and recommended consultation with a disability attorney. Accommodations in high school are provided under either the IDEA or Section 504. The IDEA provides accommodations, and sometime modifications, to students who have an identified eligibility/category (find in special education in your state department of education). That eligibility must include evidence that your daughter is experiencing an adverse educational impact in comparison to her peers. Thus, it seems reasonable that she could qualify for special education under the Serious Emotionally Disturbed category. Unfortunately, her enrollment in AP classes even with poor grades does not suggest she is experiencing an adverse academic impact relative her classmates (not her peers in AP classes). Moreover, she is earning low grades because she does not turn in her homework which is different than earning poor grades because she is not mastering course content.
Section 504 at the high school level parallels the IDEA except that capable students (those who don’t need special education to learn) may be placed on a 504 plan. Accommodations tend more toward extended time on tests, but would be unlikely to offer supplemental education services such as modification of homework. Both laws provide instructional accommodations. but are unlikely to provide counseling services to the extent your child needs. Under the IDEA, a student with an emotional problem (SED eligibility) received assistance in spelling. More often, I have seen these students receive counseling consultation in which the school counselor checks with teachers to ask how the child is doing academically.
You did not mention difficulty with testing.I assume your daughter does not have problems demonstrating her knowledge on tests, at least not enough difficulty, to jeopardize her grades. Her issue is homework completion. I expect that the teacher and school administration would not consider modifying homework itself or allowing her to take longer to do it would be considered giving your daughter an unfair advantage relative to other students in her AP classes. Personally, I would not reduce her homework of due dates. She doesn’t need to be burdened with an extended time line that could well cause anxiety and additional stress. My experience with incomplete grades and extended due dates is kids often don’t get the work done, but have additional time to worry about dated, but pending assignments. Who needs to carry that extra rock.
When t comes to school accommodations, extended time (1.5%) is is provided to almost every child with problem even when the sole manifestation of the problem involves feet. Extended time can be helpful if your child knows the academic content on the test, but has an issue with answering questions within the standard time constraints. I can’t tell you how many students did not finish my tests but were allowed to continue because I was grading papers (this additional time was not an accommodation because the students did not have identified disabilities). I looked up periodically and saw these students looking up as if answers would come floating down from ceiling tiles. Grades on their tests clearly indicated they were under-prepared.
Meaningful accommodations for students with emotional conditions are extremely difficult to identify. If your daughter had a major physical illness that prevented her from performing academically at a prior level, what would you do? We have a lifetime to learn but may be confronted with emotional or physical difficulties that put our lives at risk literally or make us unable to do what was done in the past. Why did this happen when your daughter was in high school and needed to earn grades that would qualify her for scholarships or admissions to preferred college? In fact, there is no good time to encounter a major threat to our life. Don’t go there; it is fruitless! Instead, focus on what you can and must do now and let the future take care of itself.
If she were my child, my priority would be getting her stabilized and keeping her alive. Yes to therapy as much is needed. Do not neglect her potential need for medication. Psychiatric medication is no more a sign of weakness than taking insulin for diabetes. Additionally, compliance with medication is essential.
What is so important about your daughter taking AP classes now. I would talk to her about what classes she could take that would let her learn the material and do homework. College-prep classes may well satisfy her need to learn and to produce. There is no rule saying that kids are not allowed to learn any more than the curriculum of any class. Again reducing the level of classes is not weakness. I suspect that there are lots of students who earn very good scores on the ACT/SAT whose transcripts are not festooned with AP classes. Avid learners learn! I would prefer that she take classes that are satisfying to her and allow her to do all aspects of the class.
Of course there are elite or big name schools. Good for them. There are more than two thousand institutions of higher education in this country and you would need to go way down the ranking to find a truly sorry school. I imagine your daughter will learn how to manage depression now and even be prepared to handle another potential episode in her future. When she is ready for college, she has an embarrassment of riches to consider. She will receive financial aid too. As long as she is alive and well, it’s good.
Very best wishes to your daughter and family.
Yes, her grades are important but so is her mental health. That should be your TOP priority.
Not true. Accommodations like extended time require that the SAME accommodation be necessary for regular tests. And to get that, data needs to support that the student did not complete regular assessments on a regular basis.
In other words, you don’t get extended time on the state tests…or the SAT if you haven’t shown the need for this in other assessment situations.
Now, if you are saying extended time is an accommodation that is tried with many students…I would agree.
But I will say, I was the proctor for students who had extended time for our assessments. My group was always the first group done with the assessments…always. They were allowed extended time…BUT I never had a student who actually USED it on our state tests.
I specialize in working with kids like this. I would not even worry about the grades until her health is stable. That’s all that matters. If she gets better and returns to form, you can explain the dip in grades, and many colleges will understand. But the important thing is to help her get and stay healthy. Her grades are completely irrelevant in that light. A kid in good health can always get back on track in the future.
Hi, Thumper 1,
I was saying that extended time is often over-used. When reading reports, most recommended accommodations include a rationale. Extended time is often the first recommendation, but without explaining why the student needs it. Students who have a history of extended time are likely to receive ET on classroom tests per the IEP or plan and, if requested and their is a history of use, could expect to receive extended time on state and college tests. The student with a disability affecting feet received more than 1.5 ET at school, but was correctly denied ET, I think, on outside tests such as state exams.
I also encountered a child with a SED disability who received academic assistance in spelling which is not a standard accommodation for sped for kids with a SED eligibility. If the student’s emotional difficulties were caused by-unlikely- or correlated with spelling difficulty, that accommodation could make sense somehow. Turned out it was provided because of the potential for low self esteem. I have had a “huh?” experience many times since introducing 94-142 to several newly minted teams. If I were a parent of a child in special education, I would ask why a particular accommodation is included if I didn’t see the value. As a colleague, I would ask the case manager privately.
Similarly, I have seen many kids with ADHD who receive extended time tear through exams. Extended time does not automatically cause these kids to think carefully and take their time answering questions or whatever else was the problem. I agree it is not uncommon for students with disabilities not to use the extended time they were granted. I certainly don’t like seeing kids who don’t use ET to remain trapped in a test room until ET has lapsed.
As far as what to do about these D’s this term…does the school offer an opportunity to retake the courses and replace the grades? Usually with a D or an F, that’s an option and if the IEP or 504 plan is working, the student should get a better grade on the redo.