What to do if a sophomore is going to get 2 Ds or a D and a C

Good point about the well off schools. Our school was small and not well off!

But still, to keep the meeting from being adversarial, I met with a lawyer to understand what was reasonable for me to ask, and to get a plan to present to the school. It was genuinely helpful to us and the school. In our case, the school was frustrated by their own inability to figure out how to meet the need, and the lawyer gave a clear path. The lawyer did not attend the meeting and I only mentioned her once, almost casually, with a smile, when I said “I met with this lawyer who had this great idea…”

Every school is different and the personalities are different too. I think it helped me most to know that what we wanted to accomplish was not unreasonable, and then that there really was a simple way to get there.

Compmom, I agree with you. Our school districts were just different.

I also realize my response was a bit unclear. What I was suggesting is meeting with an attorney or advocate but not necessarily taking the attorney to the meeting-- which I think is what you are suggesting also.

“My kids attended a very rich school district with multiple, full time lawyers on staff. If a parent takes an attorney to a meeting, the school system becomes VERY adversarial and will fight the parents all the way.”

Some do act like that. But the wealth of the school system isn’t necessarily a strong predictor of how they will act. There are rich districts with more conciliatory counsel. I’ve seen less well funded schools dig their heels in, too.

Thank you for the suggestions on getting legal help. Unfortunately, I am quite familiar with the dispute resolution process and had hired a few attorneys in the past. I will just leave the legal process out for now. @compmom I do not know which state you are in, but I can assure that it is near impossible to find an attorney to talk for $200 for an hour.

Does anyone know the process of dropping a class? Can it happen late in the school year?

Did you have an attorney who specializes in educational issues?

2collegewego, yes, I was suggesting meeting with an attorney but not taking the attorney to the meeting. Mostly due to cost but also to prevent the interaction from becoming adversarial too quickly. I found that mentioning the lawyer’s solution to our problem, in a positive spirit, both solved the problem and intimidated the school enough for them to comply.

But annamom, I hear you that you don’t want this.

In our state, another avenue is the Federation for Children with Special Needs, which provides advocates. Advocates who have been recently trained are free for the first year. Also the Federal Dept. of Education’s Office for Civil Rights was very helpful on 504 problems.

@compmom yes, unfortunately I am very familiar will special ed attorneys :-(. From my experience with OCR in NYC (NJ complaints go to NYC), I felt they are enablers…I will just leave it at that…

I agree with all. And would add that if the school doesn’t accomodate, a lawyer sounds like the right thing to do. My school district is a beacon for special needs, and they accomodate. But if a school district doesnt, then a lawyer can help. Also, I wanted to mention that there are special programs for kids like yours that the school’s child study team knows of. Kids can continue school in a small setting for a short time, like 2 months, where they also get needed therapy and support. The school district pays for this.

Let me also echo that college isn’t the major focus now. Sounds like making a case to commute locally, or taking a gap year where your child is positively engaged and finds meaning,

Whoops! Meant to finish…
Taking a gap year where your child finds meaning, is what I would recommend. college can be stressful. My own daughter ended up at the wrong college for her first semester this year and had panic attacks all the time. She ultimately transferred to another college second semester and Was fine. But, she had had no issues prior. It would have been worse had she had a history.

As parents, we need to often let go of our own vision of what we want for our kids. Some kids need more time, some kids have to take a step back to move forward, some kids just can’t handle pressure. That’s ok. Once this child has worked through her/his issues and is ready to take on a college, the story that is weaved on the essay will be one of perserverence and self discovery. And the school that you ultimately will choose will be one that is less competitive and cozy.

So take care of the child and let go of what you think should happen. Understand that many, many kids in this generation have issues. (In my suburban town outside of NYC I estimate af good 20 percent of the kids have issues that need professional support). Get a lawyer if you need. And remember that there are always options. Good luck!

@transitmom this kid is currently in 10th grade. I can’t see how a parent can take a gap year without getting into trouble with the department of ed

@transitmom you brought up a good point, is it possible to withdraw the kid for homeschool NOW, late in the school semester?

@annamom - Homeschool laws and regulations vary from state to state, so you need to find out what your state requires. Generally, you can withdraw your child from school at any time to begin homeschool, just as you could transfer at anytime if you happened to move into a new school district.

OCR in our state was enormously helpful. I never filed a complaint, just called for advice. They ended up “offering” a training for our school’s staff, which meant the particular problem was solved, at least until my kids had graduated.

So sorry you have not had good experiences with the avenues that helped us so much and I won’t mention them again!

It is in NYS, but you’ll have to check your state homeschool regulations to understand what they allow. Are you in NJ? My understanding of their [homeschool regs](http://www.state.nj.us/education/genfo/faq/faq_homeschool.htm) is that you can take your child out of school at any time, but you have to notify the district when you do (to avoid truancy issues). Read up on the regs, though, and know them better than your district does.

There are many helpful comments, but I think many of us are working without critical information. For example, what class(s) your daughter receiving As and Bs? But, because of incomplete homework, her final grade drops to D. It seems to me that homework has a disproportionate impact on the grade. If so. could the teacher reduce the amount of course credit?

The psychiatrist says reduce homework, but I don’t know how much or which particular kind of homework to eliminate. I think your daughter has an important role in this discussion. The teacher may say no reduction or the kid say I really enjoy x and find it helpful and other things useless. I think you could say the psychiatrist recommends reduced homework, but kiddo and I talked about this and think the best option is…What do you think?

Now, I think homework should be useful in reinforcing skills and knowledge introduced in class. Somewhere there must be a line at which good homework becomes meaningless/busywork. Perhaps that is personal. What parts or kinds of homework does she find useful versus what is onerous? I would add stupid homework to the dump pile and or see if the part of the grade based on homework could be reduced.

Perhaps she finds reading the textbook quite helpful but it takes too long and her mind wanders. Would it help her to have electronic or recorded text such as RFBD and, if so, where would she get it? Could she and a friend or someone else read the text aloud to each other?

There are old options such as Cliff Notes or the newer electron version in which you can find parallel text for the actual reading and options modernized reading in local libraries. If she were my child we would visit the local library to learn options in obtaining text and using text assistance. We might even read to each other. There are lots of movies available to provide another means of accessing text. However, some are just shared titles such as Scarlet Letter with Daniel J Lewis.

Amazon Prime video has lots of great stuff. I think it has some good stuff in the sciences; for example, the Handbook of Poisons is interesting and more meaningful than standard chemistry fare. If math is an issue, I would investigate and maybe purchase the math books by Danica McKeller. They would also be nice ways to review math for college-admissions tests. Plan on using them to review math for fun at least. I am going over them to spruce up my math skills.

If there are aspects of her homework assignments that don’t work for her. then I would add those to the reduction list or I would ask for alternative means of demonstrating competency. She should have a big part in discussing what is and and isn’t doable.

Perhaps your daughter would find it better to reduce one or two classes instead. I would choose an elective that could be done at another time such as music, art, typing…whatever. She then might starting on homework during study hall.

Simply trying to or actually obtaining the psychiatrist’s recommendation needs to far more focused. For example, a teacher might volunteer to reduce homework by agreeing to do x in y class. You might find that you are agreeing to reduced homework, but not in achieve the purpose of reduced homework per the psychiatrist and real input.

You, your daughter, the teacher and the psychiatrist must agree what class content and homework, how much reduction, altered grading standard, fairness to daughter and peers, duration, and will the.reduction positively help your daughter learn apace with peers. Seems like you all need to have a prior discussion to lay out a reasonable, fair, and doable plan that all can buy into before launching.