<p>I’m so glad you started this thread, Skier29. I am sitting here, waiting for my daughter to come home to find two small envelopes. Not sure if they contain rejections or wait list letters. She got into only one reach, her least favorite, was wait listed at two, and rejected at one. She will attend one of her safeties, with nice merit aid. </p>
<p>I identify with the poster who talked about her child feeling embarrassed at school. My daughter hangs out with a very high achieving crowd, and I’m sure many will go to Ivies or top LAC’s. </p>
<p>I think it’s ok to take a day or two to feel sad and disappointed. Yes, our kids are resilient, as are we. We will get up, wipe ourselves off, and everything will be ok. But right now, it hurts a lot. </p>
<p>It’s great to come here and see that I’m not alone. Thanks, everyone.</p>
<p>We have approached this college application process with trying to have as few regrets as possible about what is in our own control. It is not in our control to admit DS to his reach schools. But it is in our control to apply there, risk rejection, and survive the good news or bad news as it comes back to us. So, my thinking is that if you have done everything in your control then you can rest easy and not feel guilty. . . maybe sad for your son’s temporary disappointment, but not sad that you failed him—because you did not! I agree with others who have posted that you can start getting better acquainted with his current options. But, if you are the kind of person who would later wonder whether or not pursuing the WL might have made a difference, then I say, what do you have to lose? Pursue it with gusto and pride. Your DS is qualified. Maybe they just gave him the WL because they thought him more likely to attend elsewhere. I would contact the regional rep at that school by email and reiterate your son’s interest and even attach an updated resume. Offer to speak with them by phone or an in person visit so that they can hear your interest loud and clear. You have nothing to lose! And you will have done everything you can. And even if decide not to pursue the WL. . . revel in the fact that it is YOUR choice, in your control, not to put the energy in that direction. To me the benefit of pursuing the WL, while at the same time deciding on an alternate route, is that you will never have that “What if” moment. We Wackaloons all think you are an awesome mom whether you pursue the WL or not. You know yourself the best, and you will know what is right for you.</p>
<p>I’m going to post here so I don’t bother my family and friends. Over the past three days i’ve been rejected at 2 schools and wait listed at 3. My confidence has really sunk and i’m really disappointed. I feel like my parents and teachers are also disappointed in me and it’s just not a good feeling. I still have 8 schools to hear from but they’re all high reaches so i’m not expecting anything. I know i’ll end up at a school that is right for me and i’ll grow to love it but at the moment, it sucks and i’m frustrated.</p>
<p>I understand how frustrated and disappointed you feel.</p>
<p>The adults in your life are dissapointed FOR you, not IN you. They just know how you feel, and they don’t want you to feel badly.</p>
<p>You’re in a tough generation for college. I hope you have some acceptances, and I hope you understand you did all you could and now it’s okay to feel a little sad for a brief time and then move on.</p>
<p>You probably aren’t ready to move on, but when you are, buy the sweatshirt, and get excited. By Thanksgiving break, mostly all the kids are happy where they are, next year, and don’t wish they were somewhere else.</p>
<p>Big hugs to all who are feeling disappointment and anxiety about choices and about the process. Another '11 mom here who still questions what happened last year. After much searching, DS chose to apply ED to a exceptionally selective school with the full backing of his GC. Denied. Finished applications to other schools on list and - at last minute - added one more that surprised us all.
Ended up WL at next two choices - probably b/c did not show enough love. First, not his style. Second, he wasn’t in love. I think (and GC agreed) that either one of these would have been a better bet for ED. Hindsight.
Admitted to safeties that he certainly liked.
Admitted to the school where he completed that surprise application. Across the country and had never visited. DH took him and their reactions were polar opposites. DH hated it; I finally had to tell him to stop complaining in front of DS! DS loved everything about it.
He is now a freshman at surprise school, happy as can be with his choice. We talked last night and he said how grateful he was things turned out the way the did - and how happy he is not to have to do it again.
So, long tale, but things turn out for a reason. Kids are often more resilient than the parents but follow our leads. Once we showed happiness in his decision, things turned around. Doesn’t mean we still wish, on occasion, that things had turned out differently, but we keep that to ourselves.
Hang in there!</p>
<p>Skier, I did not yet read all the posts, but most of them. I just wanted to weigh in with a couple of thoughts. First of all, I can understand your frustration. I can not really understand how they make some of the decisions. However, looking at your son’s acceptances, I would say try to be happy and let go of what is now in the past. The best way to go off to college is to go happily, wherever it is. Try to keep your sadness here, and not let your son know too much about what you feel now. It is really about what will work best for him.</p>
<p>Now for my 2 cents - </p>
<p>Try not to have regrets on first choice.Colgate is in the middle of absolute nowhere. We went for a look, and it was nice since it was summer, but what about in winter? I’m sure it is an excellent school, but it must be so hard to get there anyway. I think some of their decisions are based on who can pay anyway.</p>
<p>I really liked Franklin and Marshall, great school. We visited just before Lancaster got hit with flooding last fall. (and just after NJ was hit with terrible flooding). I felt badly reading about it a few days after our visit. </p>
<p>I know many people who went to Stony Brook. I am originally from LI, and it was a popular choice way back when. A lot of kids who could not afford (and some who could not get into) private colleges went there. They were bright kids, and I am certain that many bright kids still go there. One of my classmates went there, and went on to a top PHD program on the other coast afterward, and is a prof at a top LAC now. It is all what you do with the experience. </p>
<p>Good luck with the wait list if you decide to pursue it. I don’t have a good sense of whether Lehigh is sensitive to FA issues when taking people off the waitlist. Lehigh is a popular choice for kids from the area where we live now, and we have been there a few times. I think all the people that I know pay full freight there, but they are not a good cross section on which to base an opinion.</p>
<p>I hope you feel better and can get to a happier place.</p>
<p>Big Apple,
I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope that you will reach out to a friend or family member for support. If you were my kid, I’d want to know how bad you are feeling right now. Hang in there. As you can see from reading these posts, things tend to work out in the long run. I hope you are amazingly happy at whatever school you land at!
Karen</p>
<p>Skier… you know my DS is in the same boat… deferred then rejected from his #1 love Colorado College. He was then admitted with great merit to 7 schools… rejected from the rest… I think 10… all match, reach schools… the only saving grace was that he was not waitlisted… and I would have considered that a rejection anyway because of FA. I thought we did our research too, but no one could have predicited the applicant stampede this year… it is CRAZY!! I mean really, 90,000 applicants at UCLA… all of his rejection letters stated that they had a record # of applicants, blah, blah, blah. </p>
<p>What I did today was book flights and hotel reservations to the 3 schools that my S is considering. All GREAT schools but not his first choices. I had him check out a review website that had great things to say about all of his schools. I told him that he is as uncompetitve as they come, so I think he will be much happier being at the top of the schools applicants than the bottom… so take it and run with it… have fun, make new friends. I know your pain and I don’t think you are whining. I know the feeling of, "maybe I missed somehting, and maybe I led my DS astray by thinking he had a chance at all those selective schools.</p>
<p>5boys - so glad you poked your head in over here! I was thinking of you and your DS as I started this thread. So sorry to hear about the last rejection wave. I had my fingers crossed for your DS. I know they aren’t his first choices, but like mine, he does have some good ones. I will admit to feeling just a little bit envious of the number of options your DS has Grass is always greener and all that. I suppose I should be happy that we really only need to decide between the two.</p>
<p>Hoping your Ds likes Hobart best - then he can spend Thanksgiving at my house!</p>
<p>accepts 97% of students on a rolling basis starting in September. Reasonably low tuition even OOS and son’s stats guaranteed him admission and a $6,000 automatic scholarship. At least we knew in September he was going to college!</p>
<p>Am feeling badly for my niece. Doesn’t matter what acceptances come in, with two unemployed parents and associated financial disaster, she is headed to her state’s flagship. She has full tuition plus $3,000/year merit award there, and free housing after freshman year. 34 ACT, 3.98 UW, 14 APs, salutatorian at a school where these numbers are unheard of.</p>
<p>I had begged and pleaded for her family to get educated on FA and they ignored me. Had to sit down with SIL in December and run numbers to show her the reality. She really wants to go to school in Boston, but unless she wins the admissions lottery, there is no prayer of it happening. I don’t know which will be worse for her: rejections, reaffirming that she shouldn’t have applied in the first place (did I mention she’s insecure?) or an acceptance without enough FA to make it work.</p>
<p>Re: waitlists – my kids said thanks, but no thanks, and never looked back.</p>
<p>I am still ticked at Dartmouth - 3 years later!! (kidding - kinda) But the real truth is in the pudding. He really is getting a great education and awesome opportunities where he is. I really do believe that being rejected from Dartmouth will inevitably become the best thing that ever happened to him! :)</p>
<p>And bigApple… I honestly can’t believe your teachers or parents are disappointed IN you. They are disappointed FOR you. And they know that nothing they say can really make it better because you are right to feel a little sad and down. They don’t want you to wallow but they don’t want you to not at least have a chance to feel real feelings. Admit it sucks, that you feel disappointed and sad, but need to find the silver lining. If they can’t be the example of that, maybe you need to give them a nudge/hint as to what you need from them. Maybe they just don’t know.</p>
<p>Methinks that Common App is changing the rules of college application.</p>
<p>Now that many people applies to at least a dozen schools, acceptance rates are declining and yield rates are declining. Students cannot be sure they will be accepted by their matches, and schools cannot be sure accepted students are going to go there.</p>
<p>IMHO, it is better to save the money form a pre-application school trip and invest the money on a few extra applications. Research can be done through internet, and interest can be demonstrated through emails, phone calls, college fairs, etc. I believe the game now is less about finding fit, and more about maximizing the likelyhood of getting at least one acceptance from a school that is good enough.</p>
<p>Inpersonal: I agree with you about the common app changing the game. It is very easy to click click and send out your apps to 15 different schools. Not sure if I like it but my daughter applied to lots of schools because I felt like we were on some scavenger hunt for financial aid.</p>
<p>Now she is down to 2 schools: Kenyon and Ohio State. Ohio state with full tuition plus small merit that cuts into room and board or my husband and I eating ramen noodles to scrape together the money needed for Kenyon without having to take out parent plus loans. It is a really terrible feeling and I am feeling bad about it from all different angles. Bad because I shouldn’t be whining - she is in a fabulous position to have these 2 choices and many many kids and their parents would be thrilled. And bad because her heart is with Kenyon but logically OSU fits our budget.</p>
<p>Add to it the guilt I feel for not having any sort of college fund for her. But we were younger than she is right now when we had her and did the best we could.</p>
<p>This is a great thread for me right now. And OP, I hope we can all be happy and content on May 2nd. My heart is with you.</p>
<p>I am discovering it is so much easier from the outside to see the positives of another family’s situation. It is very hard when you are caught in the middle of the emotional turmoil. So, I am trying to look at my S2’s situation as you all see it - he has some good school options, that can be affordable to our family, which will offer him a great education, and hey we dont have the challenge of deciding between a boatload of schools :)</p>
<p>One thing that my DH reminds me about is that once this decision is made - we will never know how the other would have turned out. IF DH had never been rejected by his ED, he would never have attended our alma mater and never have met me :D</p>
<p>Skier, it always hurts to be “rejected”. The word itself has a sting. But both you and 5boys (Hi, I have 5 of 'em too) have some good solid choices. You did it right. My second son had the most terrible college acceptance mix in that he was stuck on a specific program and though got into his first choice school, he did not get into that program in them. He ended up at a SUNY–I was not happy, but he had a very full experience there, got every bit of what he wanted in training which he would not have gotten at the top programs the way they are structured, even had he gotten into those specific programs, and the school had absolutely everything. It just wasn’t what I had envisioned the result to be. </p>
<p>But getting good options at the right price is not easy these days. Smaller schools are increasingly using the waitlist to protect their yield and make their financial aid go further. A lot more control for the school to go that way. </p>
<p>Good luck to the young men. The choices are great–my BIL is a successful actuary, a product of F&M, and has nothing but great things to say about it. My close friend, whose daughter so wanted F&^M was denied there, and got her degree at Dickinson and is ever so happy about her experience, and so it goes.</p>
<p>Skier–just wanted to add sympathy, and as an adult you know the hurt will wane over time. DS#1 was WL’ed at the school <em>I</em> really wanted for him, but I’m very much a “whatever happens was meant to be” person so I very quickly dropped it from my mental list of possibilities. (He was eventually admitted–in fact I took the call from the school and was a tiny bit snarkily happy to say to them, “Oh he’s moved on.”)</p>
<p>I agree this is the time to re-think and re-visit (if possible) the options he does have. He really will be fine where he ends up. I hope you know that, and can pass that sentiment on to him over the next few weeks/months.</p>
<p>Scrolled back and read some comments on this thread. Mini, I did not mean to sound unkind. I thought I was just stating a fact about the waitlist. Schools that out and out say in print that they are need blind in admissions,and those that do the same about meeting full demonstrated need, will also say that they do not do the same for the wait list, transfers or international students. There are exceptions, but that is pretty much the fact. I did add that I have seen kids come off the wait list and still get a nice aid package. As a full pay parent, I harbor no animosities to those who have no demonstrated need, nor do I feel differently towards those who do. </p>
<p>I do believe the waitlist has become a tool for colleges to manage enrollment , yield and budget. WIth more kids applying to more schools, it has become increasingly difficult for schools to predict the way they used to be able to do. The historical stats are no longer valid as the numbers start getting so large. It has become very difficult for admissions offices to manage their enrollment as they have no idea how many choices a given acceptee is going to have. The more s/he has, the less likely s/he will pick a given school. At one time, it was a much more manageable scenario. One of the victims of this explosion in the number of apps that kids are completing is that group of kids who are still containing the numbers to a handful, with the old, reach, match, safety categories. High schools that were limiting applications, are now seeing that it might not be such a bad idea to encourage kids to apply to a few more reach schools, as that is what so many kids are doing, and it does statistically increase the chance of getting one. My neighbors daughter applied to 20 "reach"schools, many of them very similar to each other, and only a few super reaches. She was accepted to Colgate which was one of the last ones she added to her list. WL at Lehigh and Hamilton which were her top choices. Rejected fromfiveg Colorado College, a big surprise and rejected from Wellesley, also a surprise. Her first choice was BC where she was deferred , and is no longer an option and I believe Villanova, another top choice did not accept her either. Surprise WL at Providence, which they considered a safety and Binghamton as well. Accepted at Dickinson and Gettysburg which under consideration along with Colgate. Oh, and American rejected her outright. Would have never expected those results, given her numbers and profile. Visited every single one of her schools, and showed extra demonstrated interest to her top 10 and other than D and G, she has not gotten into them. Colgate was Not in her top 10!</p>
<p>It helped us to use the word “rejected” a lot, rather than “denied”. Over time it took the teeth out of it and became a sort of gallows humor tool until the hurt passed. D was rejected by Stanford (a lottery, of course) SCEA. She was already in love with StO, but it was football season and she was picturing herself in the band and it just had a good feeling. She put a ton of energy into all those essays and short answers to have the app turned in by November 1st. When she was REJECTED! there was a mourning period of knowing that even if she was going to be perfectly happy at another school she would never be in the Stanford Band. A whole possible life path was closing up and redirecting. She did not watch the bowl games with her normal enthusiasm. She got over it, but it did take time to shift her vision. I won’t stoop to using etch-a-sketch analogies here, but if I did it would be apropos. :-)</p>
Grass is always greener and all that. I suppose I should be happy that we really only need to decide between the two.</p>