<p>jeez crazyday who the heck are you?!? you sound exactly like my best guy friend. lol. who I just asked if he had a cc account. weird…</p>
<p>Hey TA,</p>
<p>Listen to crazyday. He knows that he’s talking about! Confidence and high self esteem is a highly attractive quality. Don’t be afraid. When I first entered college I told myself that I would be more social and meet new people. I later realized that by being more confident, I was more at ease when talking to people. I’m still trying to get super fluid at communicating with people which will be one of my 2010 goals! Best of luck to you! I wish you the best !</p>
<p>Ah I have to second everyone. I found the best way to get the guys you want is to act like you already have them. Walk up to them, approach them, make the first move. Confidence is your best tool in succeeding in getting the guy you want.</p>
<p>^In response to everyone about people who use the internet consistently/ post on forum boards etc…</p>
<p>I have to say you can’t stereotype an entire group of people because they enjoy internet time. Not going to lie, when I was younger, the internet was my outlet for socializing. I met some awesome people that way that I still keep in touch with… Even though I’m not on 24/7 anymore, I still run into attractive, out-going, “normal” people all over the internet (including in MMORPG’s). So hey don’t judge someone just because they like the internet haha…</p>
<p>This intersession I have understandable got less opportunities to socialize, but I’ve learned how to enjoy being alone. I haven’t enjoyed being alone in years because I thought it was a sign of being a loser. I’m spending my free time either writing a story or researching details for the story and it’s as great as, if not better than socializing.</p>
<p>So the message is that it’s okay to be alone as long as you have a good hobby to occupy yourself.</p>
<p>/self-actualization</p>
<p>Girls are considered attractive by most guys I know if they’re carefree yet dignified. It shouldn’t be awkward having a conversation. If none of the guys are interesting to you (you can tell if you’re inattentive to what they’re saying), don’t sweat it- you’re just not interested in them. Also, girls that only like someone because they look attractive seem really shallow. (and end up being clingy- because they really want to make themselves feel better through you) So I guess keep that in mind.</p>
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<p>You’re just trying to rationalize not taking any action to improve yourself. It is the sign of being “a loser,” no matter how negative that connotation is. And being a loser is not a good thing in life. It is not only about being a social reject, being a social reject usually goes hand in hand with being socially ■■■■■■■■. By rationalizing “being alone” by saying that you’re just gonna have to live with it, you’re accepting that you don’t need to learn to be confident or whatever your issue is.</p>
<p>Confident, alpha people have more opportunities in life, not just because of the connections they are able to build, but because they are so much more adept at expressing themselves. Who do you think the executive business committee wants, someone who is a beta recluse and doesn’t express their ideas for fear of offending someone or whatever other insecurities they may have, or someone who is a confident alpha who has no problem expressing their view on a particular topic?</p>
<p>That’s just one example. You can rationalize it all you want, but you’re gonna wake up someday and realize that you’ve really hindered yourself by keeping your head in the sand.</p>
<p>I gotta jet so I had to keep this kind of short. I might come back and post more later.</p>
<p>You gotta be a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. There’s really no better way of putting it.</p>
<p>crazyday, What if I am just socially ■■■■■■■■ which probably cannot be fixed any better than actual retardation? Wouldn’t I just set myself up for disappointment?</p>
<p>I just want to know what is wrong with me so I can be at peace with myself and not have the truth hit me when I could have learned it earlier.</p>
<p>I do laugh, I do talk, I do smile. I don’t get it.</p>
<p>I’m tired of playing catch up because by the time I’m ahead, everyone else is further ahead and the cycle repeats.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for being so negative, but none of you seem to get how crazy these guys are. You would have to wonder what I’m doing wrong:</p>
<h1>1</h1>
<p>This guy would screw anyone. His eyes wander off at every girl within his sight and basically flirts with them all. He’s probably trying to break a goddamn record with how many girls he can get at the same time.</p>
<h1>2</h1>
<p>This guy has probably done every drug in the book and he’s an emotional wreck. I gave him a chance, but it turns out he only wanted to screw me and did not care about me as a person. Did I mention that he’s really dirty? Sometimes I felt grossed out around him.</p>
<h1>3</h1>
<p>This guy is extremely clingy. After he broke up with his GF he was crying to me about her. I only knew the guy for a few weeks and he called ME of all people? He very persistent with the other girl to the point that it freaked her out and then when he realized he couldn’t get her, he tried to get me as a rebound. Did I mention that he’s as emotional as a teenage girl?</p>
<h1>4</h1>
<p>Just like #1 except more lecherous. Now he’s with some fat girl, so whatever.</p>
<h1>5</h1>
<p>A girl. She’s really fugly and the biggest slut I know. I had to snap at her before she left me alone. Thank goodness she’s now taken.</p>
<h1>6</h1>
<p>This creep insisted that I get in his van. I’m not about to get raped or killed.</p>
<h1>7</h1>
<p>Extremely rude. Asked me all these personal questions about my sex life, told me to wear clothes that would give him a boner, and called me woman in this crude sexist tone. </p>
<h1>8</h1>
<p>This jerk had the nerve to hit on me when he was high and was probably old enough to be my father. He asked me to do these stretches for obvious reasons. I told him no.</p>
<p>And this list goes on. Now do you know what I’m talking about?</p>
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<p>Social retardation is able to be fixed. I was able to fix mine. Sociability tends to be controlled by “feelings” (in my experience), and “feelings” are able to be emulated. After enough emulation they actually become a part of your core, you adapt to them. I used to be a quiet nerdy guy with no assertiveness, no confidence, nothing. I read some books about inner game and just decided to believe in myself as a confident guy, to walk with a swagger, little things like taking up more space when I sit down and talking more slowly. I felt so fake at first, but after awhile I didn’t even notice I was doing it. By pretending I was confident, by pretending I had swagger, by faking that belief in myself, the belief became a part of me and I actually gained that swagger, gained that confidence, without even thinking about it.</p>
<p>Unless you have some sort of mental disability preventing you from socializing, you can fix it like I just told you from first-hand experience. You may need to see a therapist. I’m trying to help you but I’m just an 18 year old behind a computer screen, I don’t have a degree, all I have is my own experience. Maybe you need someone with a degree to tell you the same stuff I’m saying to make you realize it’ll work if you try it and stick with it.</p>
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<p>…what kind of guys are you hanging out around? Seriously, how are you even meeting these guys that seem to be perpetually high, chauvinistic pricks that are apparently 40-50 years old? You are a college student, right?</p>
<p>Okay, I don’t think you completely took my advice earlier. Your latest post seems to indicate that you’re still focusing on getting a guy. Stop worrying about guys. Focus on yourself. Have you started exercising/working out every day? Have you gone out with your roommate(s)/dorm mates? Have you approached random people that are eating lunch by themselves if you’re out alone? Are you involved in any volunteering efforts, research, or student organizations? You mentioned writing a story. Are you a writer? Maybe you could get involved in a writing/poetry/story club on campus. Branch out, meet new people. </p>
<p>Answer all of those questions. Have you done anything that I said? You have to do this stuff every day. You have to believe in it, and you have to make it an integral part of your life. If you don’t believe in what you’re doing, you’re not going to adapt that “personality,” you’re just going to keep reverting to the same old song and dance. </p>
<p>Once again, stop worrying about guys. Stop restricting yourself by being anxious about what people think about you. You have to put yourself out there to make any progress. And believe in yourself. You’re a sexy woman that people want to meet. It’s a privilege for them to meet you. </p>
<p>And I want you to answer all of those questions for me. Have you done any of that? Complete honesty.</p>
<p>Are you really attractive as you think you are? Maybe that’s the problem. The whole rating 1-10 thing is really debatable as one guy’s 10 may be another guy’s 1. Maybe your desperate attitude is attracting the weird guys… But I’m not one to judge as I don’t know you in real life. Be a little more optimistic and just let things flow naturally. Some people find <em>the</em> guy when they least expect it.</p>
<p>"Some people find <em>the</em> guy when they least expect it. "</p>
<p>This is very true.</p>
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<p>I’m a commuter, so I’m exposed to all sorts of weird people from outside of college. Only 6 and 8 aren’t college students.</p>
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<p>No. I don’t know why I never started. Maybe it’s because I wake up very late and figure that there is no point. I’ll stop making excuses.</p>
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<p>Even though I’m a commuter, I have met students who dorm and made friends with some of them. I invited a few people to my house this winter and then I came to a friend’s house as well. I texted some people over the break, but they did not show interest.</p>
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<p>No. I’m too nervous to do so, but I’ll get over it.</p>
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<p>I am a member of the school newspaper and occasionally show up to meetings for other clubs as well. I’m also planning to volunteer for an organization in my local library that helps illiterate adults learn how to read.</p>
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<p>I like writing. I want my career future to involve writing, yet I know it’s a competitive field…</p>
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<p>I already do. He says that I should make make their actions my problem or feel that I am responsible for their behavior. He can’t explain why only those people show interest in me though. As for social disabilities, it is said that I have social anxiety (true, but manageable by taking medication at the same time every day) and Asperger’s Syndrome (********) He’s a decent guy, I don’t know why his words don’t sink through though.</p>
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<p>Tell him it’s because they are creeps who see you as an easy target because you come across as an emotionally unstable girl with low self-esteem.</p>
<p>^</p>
<p>Haha, why edit the post? I liked the way it was before more, haha.</p>
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<p>The desperate attitude is definitely going to attract the losers that are just out for a quick use and abuse. They know you’re easy prey. </p>
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<p>This changes things a bit too. How much time do you spend on campus? Have you tried studying in the library when you study? Try to spend as much time as you can on campus, using your home as a place to sleep basically. Hopefully you can get more of the “traditional experience” this way.</p>
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<p>Do you oversleep? If you can, work out a morning routine that allows you to eat a healthy breakfast, get out and exercise, then go to your first class. If it is at all possible, consider waking up, eating breakfast, running/working out, going back and showering, then going to your first class. That’s what I did this summer when I took classes and lived on a college campus, and what I plan on doing when I go into college as a freshman. It does require quite a bit of time management, and maybe waking up a couple hours before your first class, but it makes you so much more aware and feel ready to tackle the day (assuming you can get enough sleep; there’s only so many hours in a day :/).</p>
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<p>That’s good that you got out some. Try going out to dinner with people (even 1 or 2 people is good!) more often. It’s a simple request. Maybe even ask someone from one of your classes.</p>
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<p>This is all good, but try to dedicate yourself to a couple clubs. The newspaper and the volunteering is great! Try to find out if there’s any student organizations for writing on campus. This can be a great way to find other people with the same interest and network.</p>
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<p>The Asperger’s adds up with what you said earlier about being too direct. If you’ve been diagnosed with Asperger’s and/or anything else, that definitely changes the dynamics of the situation. I don’t know how to deal with any of that; I don’t have a degree in psychology. My advice might still be valid, but if you have Asperger’s then you need help from someone other than me. I’m just going to get that out there, because you are definitely in a completely different situation than I ever was.</p>
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<p>It was too mean.</p>
<p>i can’t figure out why this thread is 8 pages</p>
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<p>I read the comment you edited. Don’t worry, I’m stronger than you think I am. Do you think I was asking for it? That I brought it on myself? I’m just wondering.</p>
<p>Being able to socialize means everything because everywhere you go you have to socialize. Being socially ■■■■■■■■ cripples you in every aspect of your life. It’s a perfectly good reason to have low self-esteem since it determines your life. It’s not like I never tried either.</p>
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<p>I already do. I don’t have the most encouraging home life and I want wait for school to start. I even went to the library during the break because I feel like it was my real home. I talk to my friends from clubs sometimes though.</p>
<p>BTW, I exercised today. It felt great.</p>
<p>TA3021, I’m coming to NYC, bringing a few friends, and we’re all going to go clubbing together. What say you?</p>