<p>Just curious, does this thread question baffle any other OOS students? </p>
<p>This thread is really interesting to me. My college is 1500 miles away, and airline tickets are usually around $500, my parents don’t help me pay for anything, so on a student budget that’s almost two months worth of my paycheck. I only go home twice a year, and that is for Christmas break and summer break which drains my bank account every time. Thanksgiving, fall break, and spring break are just out of the question. </p>
<p>The way I see it, once you go to college you’re out of the house. You’re always welcome to come back during breaks and the summer, but other than that you need to get used to living on your own. I always get that short burst of joy after seeing my family for the first time in months, it gives me something to look forward after a long semester. In addition, it has helped me not take things for granted and cherish those moments I do spend at home. </p>
<p>I can’t really fathom what it would be like to go home every weekend. I hope I’m not offending anyone, I just wanted to point out a new perspective.</p>
<p>Angelfish13 – I do appreciate your perspective as an OOS student. I can’t imagine anyone would be offended. I believe that some students may purposely choose to attend a college close to home because they know they may want to go home on the weekends. Kids who choose to go OOS realize that isn’t going to be a viable option.</p>
<p>Some students are ready to be very independent when they start college. Others aren’t quite there yet and still need to return home when the need arises.</p>
<p>My daughter was accepted at a very prestigious college that was OOS, but chose not to attend. She didn’t want to be that far away from home. The college she is attending offers her the opportunity to come home if she wants or stay on campus all the time. I’m just a bit surprised that most of the students go home every weekend.</p>
<p>My D1 is a freshman and we had an agreement she would stay and not come home over Labor Day. We are about 3 1/2 hrs away. She called, boyfriend issues and wanted to come home. I told her no, that we would be there next weekend for family weekend and she had to stay. She needs to learn to work these things out over the phone. Many kids did go home but there were about 10 who she has become friends with who did stay. She said it was very quiet but she just can not come home all the time. Gas and wear and tear on her and on the car is just too much in my opinion.</p>
<p>Doesn’t it seem a bit counter intuitive for the parents here to say “I want my kid to be independent” followed with a non-independent command: “So I told them they have to stay at their dorm”.</p>
<p>If they were independent they’d have a choice of coming home or not. Really I think you parents are doing more harm than good…your actions shout “I want my house back!” Again, it’s not like your kid is going to be coming over to your house when they’re 30 years old. Ease up on the kicking them out.</p>
<p>^^^ no, because if you were independant, you’d BE home, wherever you are. As an adult, I visit my parents but I live at my place. We also had a family rule when we were in college — no trips home until Thanksgiving. (I was 150 miles away, my brothers were closer). I often would tell my S1 when he called with a problem — what would you do if you were in school across the country? Everybody has to learn to cope. </p>
<p>That being said, my niece had a promiscuous roommate and drunk neighbors. She started coming to our house from campus every Fri/Sun when we found out she awoke to a strange guy climbing into her bed when her roommate was passed out!</p>
<p>@queen- Some students need that kick in the butt. I know some people my age (20) who still depend on mommy and daddy for everything from making sure their bills are paid on time to money for gas! You need to grow up eventually and letting your kids come home every weekend is not going to force them to grow up and be independent. </p>
<p>OTOH- No coming home until Thanksgiving is harsh. I have been pretty independent (ie not necessarily living with my parents) since I was about 15. I have my own apartment and pay all my own bills, but I still go to my parents’ home about once a month now. I have actually grown closer to my parents by not coming home so often. Only at Thanksgiving though would keep my away from my dog for far too long.</p>
<p>I see your position and realize there are some kids who sort of need a push to get out of the nest. But it seems a bit harsh and I doubt most kids are that “clingy”. I think nature is going to take it’s course naturally (oxymoron?) and kids develop independence independently of how hard a parent pushes.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>College isn’t the place to prove this point. I don’t know about everyone else, but dorms AREN’T home. My apartment ISN’T home. They’re places you sleep. Homes are places where you’re going to live for more than 9 months at a time and don’t move out from on graduation.</p>
<p>Meh, I sort of view my apartment as “home,” I feel that it’s my home more so than my parents’ house. I’ll be living here over the summer too though. But I view my college town as my home now. Maybe it’s because I’ve moved around a lot and don’t have strong ties anywhere really except for my college town, but I personally view my apartment as my home moreso than anywhere else. </p>
<p>My dorm never felt like my home though…although neither did my parents’ house. It was sort of a weird limbo then, although it didn’t seem weird at the time.</p>
<p>I think telling your kid he can’t come home is a little harsh (unless they really need that reality check)</p>
<p>I’m OOS and its about a 2 and a half hour drive home. I brought my car this year so I could come back whenerver I want technically. Of course I am not going to, too much time/money wasted. </p>
<p>As soon as you go away to college I don’t think you are on your own all of a sudden. My home is still my parents house I am just away at college now. I’d like to get a co-op or internship near home too, so I could just stay there. Might as well not worry about rent, food, etc. while I still can.</p>
<p>I’m thankful my parents told me not to come home. Nearly all the friends I made the first week of school coincidentally wound up going home at least every other weekend. The first weekend I was completely alone, I stayed in my room, got horribly home sick, and cried to my parents on the phone. My mom offered to pick me up, but my dad told me to stick it out. </p>
<p>I moped to myself all weekend, but I was forced to start sculpting a life at college for myself. I was really shy in high school, but I forced myself to talk to and eat with the kids who stuck around. To occupy myself, that Monday I signed up for activities and clubs that met on the weekends. That directly translated to a productive freshman year. People started commenting that I seemed to know everyone, I gained leadership positions, and I had a ton of fun. Becoming more outgoing also meant that I wasn’t afraid to form study groups with people I didn’t know, approach professors, and ask for help.</p>
<p>For my friends that did go home each weekend, most did so from homesickness, because their families asked them to, or because everyone else did and there was nothing to do. By the end of second quarter, it seemed like you went home if your friend group did and stayed if your friends did. Home’s also a undeniably nice change of scenery. No showering with shoes on. Plus my parents always cooked my favorites.</p>
<p>I live too far to go back home for visits, FORTUNATELY. I’ve met some people who can’t go home, as well, due to living so far away, but it was a great opportunity to meet new people and make friends!</p>
<p>i go to college 30 minutes from home but i only go home maybe once a quarter, and my parents come to visit me about once a month. i think going home a lot can ■■■■■■ one’s social life, especially since that’s the only time i get to go out and do stuff.</p>
<p>I go home every weekend so my mom can do my laundry, ;)</p>
<p>Nah, be seriously, though. My uni is about an hour and a half away, and the main reason I go home is for a change of scenery. Staying in a dorm for several weeks in a row is a surefire way to get me gloomy.</p>
<p>I’m currently a student and I go home 2-3 times a month, heck last week I made 2 trips home and I live 3 1/2 hrs away with out the LA traffic. It’s just because the city I’m in sucks.</p>
<p>I was pretty homesick the first few weeks, and then after that it was kind of hard to get out of the habit. By the 2nd half of my first year I was really only going home on Saturday night heading back to campus after lunch on Sunday, but it was nice to spend a night out of the dorms, get a home cooked meal, watch TV and have someone else do my laundry :D</p>
<p>I started going home every weekend only because my roommates were ******s and basically adopted a nocturnal schedule. They were a bunch of deadbeats who did nothing but play games and yell at the computer… at 5am. Short of dragging my mattress with me to another friend’s (none had furniture), I just went home. But home was 15 minutes away, so…</p>
<p>I have no problem with staying away from home, just don’t deprive me of my sleep.</p>
<p>Autumnal – I enjoyed reading your response to my question! As a parent, it is exactly what I was hoping to hear. By staying in the dorm on the weekends (even though many of your friends were going home), you were forced to reach out and make new friends. I’m hoping that my daughter will do the same because she is shy. I don’t see anything wrong with coming home occasionally, but I certainly wouldn’t want her to do it every single weekend.</p>
<p>Let me just say, first and foremost, that I am one of the out of state kids who goes to college three states from home, so that definitely has a say in my opinion…but I hate the kids who go home every weekend. What’s the point of paying to live in a dorm if you’re barely going to be there? I understand that some kids get homesick (an affliction that I just don’t understand, at all), but really? The only way to get over homesickness is to live through it! I have had my sadder moments in college, I’ve seen the school psychologist for some depression, but I sure as hell wasn’t going home! You have to struggle through your problems to make yourself a better person. Going home to mom and dad won’t help anything, it will just make the problems take longer! Also, isn’t the weekend the best part of college? Whether you’re a drinker, a smoker, or just a sleeper…two days in a row without school, in a city full of kids your age? Uh…awesome!</p>