Good point. RA’s do vary.
Also, OP, do you have friends in the dorm / on your floor? And is the single (that they wanted you to swap to) located in your current dorm? Do you want a single if they give it to you at no extra charge?
@leah3018 Good point made above about the fact you may be obligated to attend the mediation. Check the details of your housing contract.
Stick to your convictions if you attend the meeting. Your feelings are all valid. Plus, if he is allowed to stay, there may be times where it’s you and him alone in the room while your roommate is in class. Occasionally, you could probably deal with this but on a regular basis is going beyond what is normal and reasonable.
Non students don’t have any rights, but are you saying student should not be allowed to have a sibling or friend visit from another college? I think that line of thinking is unreasonable.
Perhaps the higher up in Res Life is privy to other information. Or perhaps they are attempting to bring everyone to the table to try to find a compromise. Even if there is no compromise, they can all say they tried to mediate.
I believe that either roommate can use the room 100% of the time and exclude everyone from the room except the roommate. Most college kids find it to be more comfortable to be more flexible because then they too can use the room alone or invite friends in, but there is no promise in the room contract (with the school) that they will be allowed to have overnight guests or play loud music all night or have a pet. Those are things that must be agreed upon. The OP, or any other students, shouldn’t have to request an all female dorm to get what she paid for, which is the use of the room. What if she was in the all female dorm and the roommate turned out to be gay? Same issue that the roommate would want overnight guests and the OP doesn’t want to clear out.
If you have two kids sharing a room in your home, would you allow one child to oust the other every Friday night for a boyfriend or slumber party? Many parents say “Sorry, it is your sister’s room too and if she doesn’t agree to your having friends over, you’ll have to find another way to socialize.”
If you want to control 100% of the space in your dorm room at any time, you need a single. If the school doesn’t offer singles, you are out of luck.
Unfortunately, I think it is going to be a long semester for the OP.
BF may not live in a sewer, but some BF’s live in another state or long distance. And just because he is not a student at that university doesn’t make him more of a criminal risk, lol! OP has not clarified “older”, she could be an 18 year old freshman and he is a 20 year old sophomore at another university, or maybe he is in the armed forces.
No one is saying the non-student has rights, but both OP and her roommate do.
Y’all seem to jump to the worst conclusions!
Too bad universities don’t have cheap dorm rooms that can be reserved for these types of situations. DD a sophomore had a male friend (not a BF) visit her last year, she was randomly assigned to an all girl dorm (it was not on her list of preferred dorms and at her school, you get what ya get) and could not have male overnight guests. She had to scrounge up a male friend from school willing to let her home friend spend the night. Neither she nor her college student home friend could afford a hotel room in the major metropolitan area where she is a student. Guess she just shouldn’t have had her male friend visit, right?
OP…glad you came to a compromise! Good luck!
Update: My parents contacted RL after they informed me that a meeting would be mandatory. RL apparently never got the memo that I was aware and agreed on the fact that the boyfriend could come over when I was not in the room (most likely when I would be out of town). That is why they want to speak to me. After learning of this, I’ve decided to see the higher up RL employee privately and tell them that I already consented to letting the boyfriend come when I was out of town. Hopefully, that should straighten everything out.
@labegg Well I know of a situation where a FR girl’s BF (who lived a couple hours away, and did not go to college), came every weekend. The roomate was very annoyed/uncomfortable, as were her friends, who she alienated when the BF was there. The BF was possessive of her. He didn’t understand her need to study or do other college things. In the end, HE didn’t like her college, so he pressured her to transfer to a school closer to home.
I think these “visiting SO’s”, when they don’t attend the college, can be a distraction to what the students are there for: education.
@sunnyschool I am sorry that that FR girl felt pressure to succomb to her BF’s demands. I guess I see it very differently than you. There are multiple “distractions” in college from all sorts of angles and certainly a growing up process to learn to manage them all.
I don’t think colleges should serve as travel agents for OOT guests. The school is responsible for its students, not for their visiting family and friends.
I guess providing guest rooms would go in the ‘luxury’ thread, along with climbing walls and lazy rivers.
@twoinanddone you right! 
Why doesn’t the roommate with the boyfriend move to the available single room ?
In response to @Publisher : The single room is currently already occupied, and the girl already living there would have to move in with me. The only reason the single room offer was ever mentioned was because the girl living there was friends with my roommate, and was willing to give up that room if she could live with her friend. However, because I won’t be able to move into there, the only way my roommate would be able to get the room would be if her friend moved into the double where I am now. I don’t know the girl that well, so she most probably doesn’t want to give up her luxury of a single to room with someone she doesn’t know/like very much. It also might be because of the increased price of the single that makes my roommate unwilling to pursue it.
If given the option, you should consider moving into the single. I know cost is a consideration, but how much can it be ? Life is too short to deal with annoyances & safety issues like this.
I wonder what the discussion would be like if this were an all women’s college; is the dorm co-ed or single sex ?
It sounds like you have a good plan. Meeting with RL give you the opportunity to tell your side of the story. Hopefully RL will be on your side while also working toward a muyually acceptable agreement.
@Publisher At my son’s school the difference is $900 a year. That’s a lot for something she should not have to pay for.
@leah3018 Your parents should be proud of you for sticking to your guns. I think you should suggest that your roommates’ parents be at the meeting for their input LOL. I’m trying to imagine why this loser guy can’t entertain at his own place.
@OspreyCV22: Of course it is a significant amount of money, but to many well worth every penny for the potential & actual benefits, such as privacy, safety, increased academic performance.
I wonder if the RL will cover the cost of the single. I would ask and say you don’t have the funds (unless you do and it’s worth it to you); but you will take that option if you continue to pay the same. That might be an option.
Update: I talked to the RL person, and little was accomplished in that meeting. The main issue was that they suggested that I would have to leave town on the days the boyfriend would like to visit in order to appease the roommate. After the meeting, I called my parents, and they had a lengthy meeting with the RL the next day, arguing that it was unreasonable to ask me to leave school. I now am to go to another meeting, this time with the RL and roommate present. I will have to make it clear that the boyfriend can visit on days I’m out of town, but that I will not be forced to leave school if those days are unsatisfactory for him. My parents have also requested to be on the phone during the meeting, but I don’t think it will be allowed. It looks like I’m just going to have to stick to my principles regardless.
OP, I would escalate with a polite message to the Dean of Students. At the very least, this is a waste of your time and is causing you stress. You and your roommate signed a contract stating that you did not want male overnight visitors. The whole point of a contract is to provide rules for when there is a dispute, and it sounds as if the contract is clear. It isn’t even necessary for you to offer to allow the boyfriend to come over when you’re not there, or to feel guilty for insisting that the contract should be followed. If the college wants to accommodate your roommate, they can find her another roommate who wants male visitors and move you into a single for no additional charge. Propose that solution, nicely, but make it clear that your offer to allow the boyfriend to visit when you’re not there is off the table. That was a forced concession that you were not required to make.
I agree that this should be escalated to Dean if Students. It is outrageous that ResLife anc your RA are not supporting your very reasonable expectation that you can use your own dorm room and that this nonstudent has any standing to have you vacate your room!
He doesn’t get to decide if ANY days are satisfactory if unsatisfactory. You are in school for an education, not to provide a lovenest for your room mate and her BF who is NOT a student.
Stand your ground and let the Dean of Students know that all of this is causing you stress that is NOT conducive to your schoolwork.
At this point, I wouldn’t want the BF in the room at all. It’s very troubling that ResLife is not taking your side and allowing this situation to drag on. That is why it needs to go to Dean of Students.