hey doesn’t allow someone who is non-student. In this way your who career may be destroy because that person will not allow you to study easily. So be careful @sunnyschool.
You’re paying for a room and being pressured to either pay more for a single or agree to let yourself be forced to leave the college (and go where at whose expense?) whenever your roommate’s nonstudent boyfriend decides you should? If I were your parents, my lawyer would be contacting the college about breach of contract and harassment.
This is exactly the kind of situation where you and your parents go to the dean of students as others have said. Res Life staff isn’t doing their job properly. It’s ridiculous that the debate has gone this far. Stick to you convictions.
Agree with what others are saying. The stance res life is taking is not proper and is actually quite shocking. Maybe a letter from an attorney to res life may be a good idea. I feel bad for you that this hasn’t been resolved and is dragging out.
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The main issue was that they suggested that I would have to leave town on the days the boyfriend would like to visit in order to appease the roommate. <<
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This is ridiculous. “you would HAVE TO leave town?” so not only do you get kicked out of the room that you paid for, you don’t get to eat the meal plan that you paid for.
At this point I would ban the boyfriend completely. You have tried to be reasonable but have been jerked around, so I would insist on the original “no male visitors” agreement. I would insist insist on being provided a single for no additional cost. And I would threaten legal action since it’s clear to me you are being discriminated against because of your convictions.
@Johnlee66 What are you saying in this post? (#60) You need to re-read the posts. I am NOT in favor of the boyfriend visiting.
“hey doesn’t allow someone who is non-student. In this way your who career may be destroy because that person will not allow you to study easily. So be careful @sunnyschool”
To OP -
I agree with the others. Go to Dean of Students. I actually might put this in writing (ie, deliver a letter) that you feel harassed and that the “solutions” proposed by RA are unacceptable. You feel unsafe with this pressure from the roomate and her non-student boyfriend. This is a distraction to your studies and they need to resolve it immediately without further pressuring you to comply with demands for them to take over the room. This is causing you stress due to a NON-STUDENT and you are paying for the room.
All you really have to do is name (shame) the school.
Again, do whatever you have to do to be able to get into the single room, even if required to pay the $900. Why ? Because some battles are not worth the fight. You are risking your grades, your safety & possible disciplinary action against you if this escalates into ugliness.
You are right–assuming that we are getting all the necessary details accurately–and the school & your roommate & the outsider boyfriend are wrong. But that & $5 will get you a cup of coffee. NOT worth the fight.
@Publisher, I disagree strongly. There are things worth fighting for–and this is clearly one. A nonresident boyfriend has absolutely no rights to a room for which this student has paid. How on earth would she be subject to disciplinary action? Sorry, but that would be one heckuva lawsuit against the school if that happened.
Bottom line, yes, she should escalate to the dean of students, but I’d be getting a letter from my lawyer too.
@TTdd16: I certainly understand your point of view. I am on the side of the OP & horrified by the school’s position. Nevertheless, many lawyers across this nation make tidy sums of money from neighbors willing to fight it out over a foot or two of property line.
OP: There are times to fight & there are times to settle or compromise. Why expose yourself to greater harms ? If you win, you lose as there will be no harmonious living quarters or arrangements which will be the result of winning. You have been given a tremendous out = a single room; but it comes with a compromise, a fee.
I am old enough & am experienced enough to know that there are three sides to every story ( your side, my side & the truth).
Hey, @Publisher is willing to pay the $900! Problem solved.
@Publisher, I’d love to hear the third side on this one. But bottom line, unless OP is able to have the single without paying an extra cent, this is worth escalating. And yes, our legal system is there to protect our rights. Trust me, a single letter to the dean and the school’s counsel could go a long way to resolving this. After all, what college wants to make headlines for fighting to get a roommate rights to sleep with her older, non-student boyfriend? As a former journalist, I’d love to write that story…
@TTdd16: I would love to hear the second side, let alone the third side.
@twoinanddone: Yes, if the person involved was my child or the other child, I would.
Hopefully the last update! I went to the meeting with the RL and roommate. The roommate will be able to bring the boyfriend over when I’m out of town, and I provided the dates that I would be gone. These were satisfactory, and the meeting was concluded. She seemed very earnest when she said that she would respect and not use my space, and not make me feel forced out of the room. Hopefully, this finishes this entire ordeal. I’m not exactly happy with the treatment I got from the RL and RA initially, but I’m willing to be courteous and let it go. We all can only do what we think is best, after all. Again, thank you all for your responses. This whole ordeal has distracted me from my studies, so I plan to get back on track. Thank you all again!
- Never mind! Cross-posted with the OP who it seems has worked this out. Good job @leah3018.
And then Papa Bear is likely to hear the second & third sides of the story.
I like the suggestion of asking the school to give OP the single for the same fee as the double.
Or how about OP saying that she’d be willing to move to the single as long as her current roommate pays the $900 difference? Afterall, the move is to accommodate the roommate’s needs.
Sometimes in life, even if you are 100% right, it’s important to be seen as cooperating and giving options. Who knows if OP’s roommate is going around and saying nasty things? It’s certainly nice to have a rebuttal of, “I offered X but she didn’t want to do it”.
The OP sounds like she was able to resolve reasonably in the end. Very mature.
Now try to let it go so it doesn’t waste more of your time!!
@melvin123: I agree.
This is a learning experience for OP. Some battles are better settled than raised to the level of increased harm to all involved.
Plus, I am not sure that all of the pertinent details have been shared.
Still, I am on OP’s side. I just think that the answer is found in a reasonable compromise.
@Publisher you are not understanding that some people don’t have an extra $900. My daughter is $4000 short this semester. We are doing everything we can think of to come up with that money and adding another $900 to the bill is just not possible. We’re already paying the $4000 for the room/board she contracted for, why should she have to pay more? She’s using her room as agreed, to sleep, study, do her laundry, read, relax.