Bullying -- Has it happened to your child in college?

<p>Has your child tried to deal with this bully or the rumor on his/her own at all? I do not mean this offensively when I say that I’m not so sure your child will fair so well at a large school either.</p>

<p>Certainly it would help people here (on the forum) more to be of assistance if we knew exactly what transpired - even a hypothetical case with minor changes in the details…</p>

<p>Bullying really does seem like childish behavior. In college you are an “adult” so I don’t know why bullying would be a problem in college. Ignoring or removing the problem could help.</p>

<p>I haven’t read the entire thread, so I don’t know whether this point was raised or not. Bullying doesn’t end in school. I have done sexual harassment training, including distinguishing sexual harassment from harassment. One of the points that our training includes is that bullies grow up, and that some of them continue to bring aggressive, mean behaviors into the workplace, neighborhoods (and chatboards…). Throughout life we will meet bullies. We will also meet bosses who are unfair, people who are sure they are always smarter, people who are politically intolerant, people who “snap” on others for insufficient provocation, people who lack any social skills, people who are simply rude, etc. </p>

<p>Our children are now old enough to put college behaviors into context. The lessons they learn now about dealing with older bullies in college can serve them very well throughout their lives, since as adults we all continue to meet bullies and others with offensive behaviors.</p>

<p>Neonzeus is so on target with the above post.</p>

<p>We all run into bullies in life and decide with whatever available information we have at the time how to deal with them. Sometimes it means removing yourself from the situation. Other times it may be worthwhile to stand and fight. Young adults who learn various coping skills will be in a better position to weather these situations without enduring the emotional wreckage that bullies can bring.</p>

<p>I can’t help but think of the recent Philadelphia Housing Authority debacle and the horrendous harm the director wrought on his staff. A tremendous bully with connections who is finally having to come to terms with his behavior. It is a fascinating unfolding story and as more info comes out you learn of all the ways his staff of professionals dealt with his bullying.</p>

<p>Your son is getting bullied by a gay kid? really? That’s probably the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.</p>

<p>Josh’s post is a good example. Choices: Ignore, report problem post, respond, or just laugh at level of ignorance? If choose to respond, do we respond in anger, try to educate or show him the errors of his ways, or by making fun of him? Do we try to explain that this post shows a level of immaturity that makes him less of a man, or do we just think it and fail to respond? Do we point out that this post would disappoint his loved ones and teachers, or do we assume that he was never taught any manners? Do we report the post to the administrator of the parents’ board, and get him kicked off CC?</p>

<p>Decisions, decisions. I suspect that most of us would choose to ignore and just shake our heads.</p>

<p>Josh hasn’t risen to the level of being kick-off worthy, and trying to “educate” nimwits we don’t even know on anonymous public forums is a waste of time. I say ignore.</p>

<p>I don’t find Josh being kick-off worthy either. He has a reason to suspect since the OP decided not to be specfic about the facts. It’s indeed difficult to imagine anyone would be bullied by a gay kid for being straight.</p>

<p>No, it hasn’t happened to mine. However, I’d like to address the notion of not hearing about bullying in college. </p>

<p>Hazing. The formerly embraced but now frowned upon action of bullying someone into submission to show they are worthy of something.</p>

<p>bullying is bad, don’t do it</p>

<p>I think most of these posts are correct. Bad behavior continues in the workplace and never stops. My point from previous posts is that solving this is for the most part is up to the now young adult student. Expecting the college to solve this problem is unrealistic.</p>

<p>Adults also have legal avenues for slander, harassment, etc. in life but only the student can determine if the “bully” behavior crosses the legal line.</p>

<p>I agree that in a very rare case it might rise to that level but the typical things classified as bullying in middle school or high school must be dealt with primarily by the young adult student.</p>

<p>

That can be difficult for an experienced adult to determine - how the heck is a college kid supposed to know?</p>

<p>I think this thread is getting off track, but I think you answered your own question ^^…a college student unless a 17 year old freshman is an adult and can avail themselves of the legal tools available…like a retraining order, etc. etc. if the situation is intolerable or cannot be mediated and the student feels threatened. Clearly elementary and secondary kids will need their parents to intervene.</p>

<p>The focus of the thread has shifted from “whether bullying has happened to your child” to “what to do when it does.” I would help my student identify all available options, including the option to withdraw mid-semester. I would reassure him of my confidence in his decision-making, and that I support whatever decision he makes. Students withdraw from universities all the time for a variety of reasons, regroup and go on to have very happy and successful college experiences. Withdrawing is by no means the end of the world. No amount of tuition money or semester credit is more important than he is.</p>

<p>A few years ago I was studying at a big state school. I was definitely being bullied, but it took a while for me to actually comprehend that. The last time I had been a favorite bullying target was when I was about eight. I assumed that people just grew out of that kind of behavior once they were out of elementary school.</p>

<p>My roommate was the one that started it all. A lot of the people on the floor were her friends from high school. After a couple of days, she decided she didn’t like me. I really don’t know what it is that I did that inspired her to feel that way. Unless she really hates people who like to do crossword puzzles in their free time. All that happened in the beginning was some rude comments on the whiteboard about me. When that failed to get a reaction from me, that escalated into conversations about me that I was obviously meant to overhear. My roommate apparently decided to spread rumors that I was a lesbian. She also spread rumors that I was trying to make her time in the dorm a living hell. How I accomplished that by sleeping, drawing, and doing crossword puzzles I will never know. She seemed to also take a lot of joy from butchering my name on purpose. I also learned to never leave any beverages in the room if I didn’t want to get sick.</p>

<p>The thought of going to my dorm made me feel terrible. I started crashing on the couches in other dorms when I needed to sleep.</p>

<p>I thought about going to the RA, but what was I going to say? They’re calling me names? They make me feel bad? I was 18, not 8. I should have been able to handle it on my own.</p>

<p>Everything kind of clicked into place when I found gum on a cherished doll. It was an alpaca doll that was unofficially given to every Academic Decathlon team that made it to nationals. It’s pretty delicate. I was furious when I found the gum on it. The gum was still wet. My roommate was laughing at me as I was untangling all the fur from that gum. I asked her if she was the one who did that. She didn’t answer but her body language was saying yes.</p>

<p>I went to the RA. Her action had completely crossed the line. Plus, it was something solid. Something I could present to the RA and not feel stupid. The RA didn’t do anything about it. </p>

<p>My roommate had followed me when I went to the RA’s room. She told the RA that a friend was the one who had put the gum on the doll. I countered that with the facts that since the gum was still wet and nobody was in the hall and my roommate was the only other person in the room, that it was highly unlikely that it was her friend. I added that even if it had been her friend that she was still culpable since she not only didn’t stop the friend from putting gum on my things, but also allowed her friend to handle my personal possessions in the first place, which she clearly had no right to do.</p>

<p>The RA told me that I needed to stop being so sensitive. I asked if I could change rooms or get a different roommate. The RA told me no and said that I should try to get along with my roommate.</p>

<p>I hate that school. I liked the professors, but most of the students were worthless. I’m glad I left.</p>

<p>I don’t think it matters if it’s a big state school or a fancy private school. Big state schools have higher numbers of the dumb Animal House guys that beat up on kids like me. I have been bullied ever since I can remember, and it sucks. I am autistic. Hopefully I will not be paying tuition to a college that supports bullying or doesn’t do anything about it when it happens. I am sure that if it happened, I would be out of there. My mom would probably have the cops on them.</p>

<p>No matter what the whole story is, Grinnell’s name is now associated with bullying here on CC. Maybe that will spur them on to do something for their students, so that it never has to happen to another student, and if it does, that they actually DO something about it. Seems to me they need to clear their name…</p>

<p>I had dealt with a behavioral disorder in high school which attracted lots of bullies towards me and literally sucked the self esteem out of me, plus impacted my academic performance greatly. I am in community college, going to take a wee bit time, and now have normal social skills and have average grades (it is not really honor roll quality, but I have a long way to get to that level of performance).</p>