Colleges Ward Off Overinvolved Parents

<p>I don't really see any problem with the school not releasing info without a waiver. If the parent is paying the kid's tuition and feels entitled to receive financial, academic, and/or health info, then the parent needs to take that up with the student. It could come down to, "Sign the waivers, or pay your own tuition," if the parent feels strongly enough.</p>

<p>The university certainly doesn't need to be in the middle of that discussion, though - their responsibility is to the student, who is likely a legal adult.</p>

<p>Smart colleges, though, do what they can to suck up to parents, who also fall into the all-important "potential donor" category. :)</p>

<p>I don't totally disagree, Roger, but it is a little irksome that the only mail I get from the college is requests (or demands) for money! My daughter gets her grades on line, and shares them with us. Why wouldn't she? Dean's list is a parent pleaser. But if she weren't doing so well, I'd want to know that too, and I doubt she'd be so eager to share. As I once told her, it's your college life, but this is still a family project. When she was put in the infirmary with pneumonia one year, I couldn't even get any information as to her condition from the staff--privacy, you know.</p>

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When she was put in the infirmary with pneumonia one year, I couldn't even get any information as to her condition from the staff--privacy, you know.

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This would have been the same if she had been in a community-based hospital, or even if she had gone to a doctor's office. But don't blame the staff - medical people hate the legal restrictions on talking to family members who may seem more competant/responsible in some way than the patient. The privacy laws can lead to situations which are just plain bad for the patient. (and btw, this comes up even more frequently with geriatrics than with 18-19 year olds)</p>

<p>I completely agree driver. I am sure everybody here can agree that the process of a child going to college involves work and sacrifice from the entire family. I had to go back to work full time, putting our 4 year old in day care to do so. we received all kinds of promises from the admission people before my son entered the school, but once there, as my son says, "they have your money so they don't have to do anything", and I absolutely agree. I have previously written about my son's problems, including not having access to his room/food/classes due to a malfunction key card that nobody would fix, a roommate that brought alcohol into the room that nobody would address, nor would they move my son, a non-functioning internet access that is key to his ability to communicate with his professors, access grades, important emails literally telling him what to do from day to day, and many many other little problems, but when all put together equaled a very poorly run univeristy. people were rude to me and my son when we called, unresponsive, verbally abusive to me, just an awful place. so he will now go to a different campus of the same school, but when I call I expect respect and action. even if they can't give details, my calling with a concern is enough for them to respond. I work within a hospital system, so I know HIPPA and privacy and all, but when somebody's life/future is on the line, you respond. you don't come back with "well he should have know how to do this or that". you help them, you walk them through things if need be until they get it, you work with them so they can succeed. isn't that what education is about??? not hanging them out to dry like my son's university did to him. oooooo this article still has me furious.</p>

<p>again, agree completely texas. but when it comes up, I go into the geriatrics room, say "will you allow me to speak to your family", and they most likely say yes, and I do. that is what the university where driver's daughter was should have done. yes, we do have HIPPA to some degree, especially when it limits our ability to treat people and act when in need. sometimes things go too far, and I think this law regarding privacy of college information has done that.</p>

<p>FERPA, also known as the Buckley Amendment after Senator James Buckley of New York State its sponsor, was passed in 1974. Buckley, brother of right-wing commentator Bill Buckley, was one of the most conservative politicians in the Senate. The bill was offered as amendment on the floor so there is no legislative history. I don't know what he was thinking or what prompted his action. Perhaps someone can comment on that.</p>

<p>The Universities were not consulted, and have no control over what is required. The act is administered by the US Department of EDucation. See: <a href="http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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but when it comes up, I go into the geriatrics room, say "will you allow me to speak to your family", and they most likely say yes, and I do.

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That's what I do too. And if the patient says "yes" there's no problem, obviously. Same with the student signing a waiver. The problem comes if the student/patient is not readily available to ask (say, upstairs getting an X-ray when the family member calls asking questions), or if they say "no" either explicitly or by failing to sign a waiver that is offered to them.</p>

<p>Each person in this country owns his own records, whether or not he/she has parents. If you want to receive information, take it up with your child. The article is right; overinvolved parents are a big issue.</p>

<p>What irks me more is that hospitals will not always release my own medical records to me. A couple of weeks ago I was getting some x-rays for a sprained ankle and the two nurses went into another room and started talking about some problem with my bone (although I only caught every other word). I asked them about it and they refused to tell me what they were talking about. They also refused to answer simple questions about the purpose of various equipment they were using.</p>

<p>River Phoenix??? Good actor. Bad role model for an 18 year old.</p>

<p>Total non-sequitur.</p>

<p>While I don't doubt that some colleges have problems with administrative or other issues, isn't college about learning to handle such things on one's own? There's a great object lesson there for the student - either live with the problem, or learn to work your way up the chain of command until you get someone who will address the issue.</p>

<p>Immediately after graduation, the student will have to cope with difficult bosses, dissembling co-workers, personal illness, apartment maintenance problems, obnoxious neighbors, etc., on his or her own. Mom or Dad won't be there to fight those battles (at least one hopes not!). College is the perfect environment for the student to start functioning as an adult in a comparatively safe setting.</p>

<p>Some of the posts in this thread make a strong argument for the student choosing a school on the opposite coast, or at least many hundreds of miles away... :)</p>

<p>One of my kids came home last summer and mentioned that a lot of his friends were going to be taking a semester abroad. There was some mild reproach in his tone, as though somehow he was being unfairly penalized because he would be back at school in the good old USofA in the fall instead of living and studying in South Africa or wherever. </p>

<p>I told him we'd be happy to pay for study abroad and encouraged him to research the possibilities, keeping in mind his intended major, language requirements, etc. I even followed up with an email with some links to pages on his university website. </p>

<p>He did nothing. </p>

<p>This summer he arrived home with tales of how wonderful his friends summers abroad sounded and some mild complaints about he's never left the country. Totally forgot about the conversation of the previous summer. So, I reminded him. </p>

<p>I am not even going to bother re-sending the email with the links. He won't do anything with them. He wants his mommy to set him up and it's not going to happen. It's frustrating, but that's how he is. He's always been that way. Sign him up for Cub Scouts and he ends up getting Eagle 10 years later, but only because there is a system in place and all he has to do is show up at the assigned place and time.</p>

<p>It's hard to resist the temptation to step in, but it's the right thing to do. <<sigh.>></sigh.></p>

<p>yes, college is about learning to negotiate and deal with problems. each semester my son grows and is better able to deal with things. but that is not something that happens immediately, and initially they need help! that is the learning process. and yes, college is about all that, but it is also about paying a quarter of a million dollars out for an education that will get them somewhere, and if they cannot study or sleep or function because their room mate is partying hard, or they can't even eat because they have no functioning access card, then they will not receive what they have paid for. when we start new jobs, most of us have an orientation process, and a learning curve. why are these kids expected to know how to manage everything immediately, with no help? parents have become over-involved, in my opinion, because we have become a society of blamers and really rude people. students can't get answers, help or respect. professors don't want to go any extra steps, nor truly put themselves out. so when that student calls and says, "my internet connection isn't working, and hasn't worked for months, I have called 15 times and now have to register for classes, what do I do", the answer they will get is what my son, and I got from his school, "well, it should work, you MUST be doing something wrong". only after my tenth threat did somebody actually check into it and low and behold, there really was a problem! there is a better way to induct these kids into college-hood, and that would be to have an access person for ever so many kids, somebody who truly has the power and authority to help and get things done. you would think that would be a counselor, or advisor, but my son has yet to meet his after many excuses and cancelled appointments on the counselors part. can you tell I am frustrated? next year my daughter goes, I am not looking forward to it.</p>

<p>Amith, I know you've had a frustrating year but I just want to reassure you... I have never heard of a college being as unresponsive as your son's school has been.</p>

<p>I could write a short book on all the things that have gone wrong with my kids.... but each time (so far!) a real grown-up at the university has either gotten involved to fix it, or has courteously referred my kids to the appropriate people to fix it. Stuff happens... Universities are complicated places, especially since 18 year olds aren't great with deadlines, but just to comfort you... I think most colleges do a good job (and some do a great job) of hand-holding when there's a problem. You aren't likely to have a problem with D2 and will probably be as uninvolved as the rest of us-- your D will be able to handle it.</p>

<p>Lest we forget that this isn't a new phenomenon, Douglas MacArthur's mother spent his entire first year at West Point in a hotel room across the street. She made sure that the room provided a view of the future General's window so she could be sure he was in his room studying enough.</p>

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Smart colleges, though, do what they can to suck up to parents, who also fall into the all-important "potential donor" category

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Roger- What do you mean "potential"? As driver said, we too have been receiving solicitations for donations to our s's school since shortly after the school year began his freshman year. I think they waited 'til the pain of the first tuition payment healed a bit, and pounced with the donation solocitation before the second semester bill hit! Then there was another request in the spring, along with the pretty alum magazine/newsletter.</p>

<p>OK...I might have to start w/an apology as I'm a late-comer to this thread and didn't read all 8 pages worth...just the first and last pages...so if this has already come up, I am sorry...</p>

<p>But my "beef" w/colleges cutting tuition-paying parents out of the loop is this: my child cannot deal, finances-wise, with any school on his own (unless both his father & I die, he marries, or he spends 3 years becoming emancipated)--I find it inconsistent at best, and pretty galling, to know I "have to" pay, but all refunds, info, grades, etc.--have to go to him.</p>

<p>If he's so "adult" that I'm not entitled to his grades, or to refunds of overpayments, etc., then (insert swear word) EFCs ought to be outlawed! Or at least there ought to be a system of waivers putting the kid on his/her own for payment as well as receipts! The inconsistency makes me crazy...</p>

<p>My complaint won't change a thing, I know...I'd pay my S's tuition even if I had the option not to (which of course I do)...but it does infuriate me that he can't cut me loose for financial aid purposes, but I have no rights whatsoever--even to refunds should I overpay a bill!</p>

<p>Overanxious, just ask your son to sign the appropriate waivers so that you can access the info. The college isn't trying to exclude you, they just need to do things in a legally proper manner.</p>

<p>An Op-Ed by David Brooks in the Sunday, 07 AUG NY Times set me to wondering if "over-involved" parents are such a bad thing. Here's the link: <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/07/opinion/07brooks.html?ex=1124251200&en=8fe9fadbc5402d8d&ei=5070&emc=eta1%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/07/opinion/07brooks.html?ex=1124251200&en=8fe9fadbc5402d8d&ei=5070&emc=eta1&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Some excerpts:
... since 1993 and violence by teenagers has dropped an astonishing 71 percent, according to the Department of Justice
... Teenage pregnancy has declined by 28 percent since its peak in 1990. Teenage births are down significantly<br>
... Fewer children are living in poverty, even allowing for an uptick during the last recession.
... There's even evidence that divorce rates are declining, albeit at a much more gradual pace. People with college degrees are seeing a sharp decline in divorce, especially if they were born after 1955
... Teenage suicide is down.
... Elementary school test scores are rising (a sign that more kids are living in homes conducive to learning).
... Teenagers are losing their virginity later in life and having fewer sex partners.
... Time diary studies reveal that parents now spend more time actively engaged with kids, even though both parents are more likely to work outside the home.</p>

<p>One of Brooks' conclusions? ... many Americans have become better parents.</p>

<p>Perhaps these are the same parents colleges and high schools consider to be "over-involved."</p>

<p>laxdad - U. Chicago economist Steven Levitt has presented statistical evidence that the reason all of that antisocial and at-risk teen behavior has declined in recent years is because of Roe v Wade. He theorizes that the number of teens who would be likely to engage in those behaviors today is decreased because of the unwanted pregnancies that ended in abortion 16-20 years ago. (disclaimer - This is not a pro-abortion argument by either me or him, and I don't want to turn this into an abortion thread.)</p>