<p>^It’s really easy to win arguments when you argue for both sides. I may have missed something, but I haven’t seen anyone in this thread with those opinions.</p>
<p>As was stated before, a homosexual roommate is almost guaranteed not to become interested in a known to be straight roommate. The same cannot be said for a straight male and female. However, I will say that being uncomfortable with a roommate of the opposite gender would be pretty irrational as well, but because it’s so widely accepted that boys room with boys, girls room with girls, I can see how this would be viewed as inappropriate. If you do have a gay roommate, what, you might have to be so inconvenienced as to change in the bathroom instead of your room(which would be out of your irrational uncomfortableness.) If every straight male starts opting out of having a gay roommate, the gay guy is going to have to either cycle through 10+ roommates before finding a rational one or he will have to pay $1,000+ more for a single because no one will room with him. Not to mention the humility and shame that would be accompanied by having multiple people back out of rooming with you. As uncomfortable as you may feel having a gay roommate, he/she probably feels more uncomfortable coming out to you and having you switch rooms over it. </p>
<p>The only reason I would justify turning down a roommate of the opposite sex would be because it’s so engrained in our society that we don’t room with the opposite sex (or use the same bathrooms when you never even see anything…) Honestly, a gay guy also might feel uncomfortable with a female roommate for the sheer fact that it’s engrained in us. It is irrational, but that’s not the issue at hand. You can’t believe that males have to room with males, then pick an entire minority of males who don’t fit the type of “male” you want.</p>
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So someone is sure to not become attracted to someone who isn’t interested in them? Wow, I know some heartbroken people who will be thrilled to hear that. How, precisely, do you decide who to be attracted to? This is some breakthrough information here.</p>
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So it can happen without being roommates? I guess there’s no need to worry about being roommates then, unless you’re going to be uncomfortable at the pool, in class, at work, at the mall, knowing that there may be a gay guy somewhere who thinks you’re attractive.</p>
<p>
“Almost guaranteed not to” becomes “is sure to not”? You even directly quoted me but couldn’t interpret my argument correctly. Good job.</p>
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No one believes it’s a 0% chance that a gay guy will become attracted to his roommate. There is that chance, but fearing that “chance” so much that you change roommates is irrational. There’s also a chance that a straight roommate may blast loud music until 3 AM, or snores really loudly, or brings his girlfriend over to make out every night; are you going to opt out of having a straight roommate due to these fears? If so, you’re being irrational; if not, your roommate fears only encompass gays and you’re discriminating. How many times do I have to say this before it sticks in someone’s thick skull? There is a greater chance that you dislike a straight roommate for whatever reason than a gay roommate will develop a crush on you. I think I’ve done as much as I can to push my argument, yet I haven’t heard any new or compelling ones from the opposite side. To the OP, I suppose your concern of getting an ignorant roommate is legitimate, since there are evidently many of them on this thread alone. The advice I gave initially still stands, and best of luck finding a good roommate.</p>
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There’s a difference between becoming uncomfortable with someone you know and being uncomfortable in your own bedroom.</p>
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Even using your exact language, it’s ridiculous, as you cannot control attraction like that.</p>
<p>Damn it, all the people who don’t want gay roommates aren’t even here anymore, but I’m stuck here defending them. I should probably stop, this is going nowhere. You just won’t understand that people have feelings other than yours and that they’re just as valid, without it being inferior or homophobic or hateful.</p>
<p>Here’s what happens when LGBT people fall in love/have feelings for straight people:</p>
<p>Usually nothing. Most LGBT people who are socially competent will understand that this is not going to go anywhere and will most likely not tell the other person or let them know in any way. I am a bisexual girl who has had crushes on my close straight friends before and they never even knew. You work past it and deal with it. It’s possible, and any LGBT person who tends to fall for straight people (some don’t and they don’t have problems with this) will have some sort of skill in shutting that down or will get those skills awfully quickly.</p>
<p>So in the EXTREMELY small chance that your LGBT roommate is attracted to you, you almost certainly won’t know. Say you have a gay friend of the opposite sex who you one day find to be ridiculously attractive. Are you going to hit on them or attempt anything? Not if you have any social understandings at all. </p>
<p>If your roommate likes you in that way, you almost certainly won’t even know. And it’s really not your problem, strange as that may sound, since it’s never going to involve you. It’s something your roommate will work past, and you won’t even know about it, most likely. Maybe it will make you uncomfortable to think about - but when you really think about it, how much will it affect your life? How negative is it if someone is attracted to you but is not showing it and is dealing with it? How does that harm you? It’s a little awkward, but ONLY IF YOU KNOW, and you won’t.</p>
<p>Furthermore, this is an extremely rare situation. EXTREMELY. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s not possible, although if you’re around someone as much as you’ll be around your roommate, you’re unlikely to be attracted to them, imo. Think of it as like a brother/sister kind of deal (or more likely a coexisting-roommates that don’t really worry about each other kind of deal).</p>
<p>
Wouldn’t the chance of any one gay male being attracted to any one other male be roughly equivalent to the chance of any one straight male being attracted to any one female? Seems a bit more than an “EXTREMELY small chance.”</p>
<p>But the point is the feelings of the people who are uncomfortable. They’re worried about that chance, however large. In my opinion, them changing rooms beforehand is also a good thing for the gay roommate, who won’t have to deal with living with someone who is uncomfortable with living with gay people.</p>
<p>All of this, pulling together, is back to my original point: Yeah, the OP should mention it to his roommate.</p>
<p>Okay let me clarify one more time. since obviously I am not doing an adequate job of gettting my point across! </p>
<p>I am talking about using discretion! I NEVER said I’d not be okay with having a gay roommate. There are people out there who are huge on gay pride. I would know! I also need to clarify that my biological mother is a lesbian. My parents (2 wonderful women) chose to have me. They are now divorced and each have new great girlfriends. I love my moms. Having been pretty involved in the gay community I know there are different types of gay people, just like there are different types of straight people, different types of latinos, different types of purple penguin eaters etc. </p>
<p>Oh and I have no fear at all about my roommate becomming attracted to me. That has nothing to do with what I’m saying. I agree with RoxSox. If your roommate has any social skills at all they won’t hit on you. If they don’t have social skills… well that is a whole different issue! </p>
<p>It is easy to tell if someone is doing something to be polite vs. telling me something that is their identity. If I found out my roommate was a huge partier or acted extremely ghetto I would request a room change. For my sake and the sake of my roommate. </p>
<p>“there are a lot worse (and more common) issues which can arise besides your roommate having gay pride.”</p>
<p>^^Yep, but for once I’d love to just deal with common issues. I don’t do gay pride, black pride, white pride, catholic pride, or wizard pride. I have no problem with being proud of who you are. I just don’t do extremes well. Sorry. </p>
<p>“you’re going to solidify her fear that heterosexuals are not going to respect/accept her”</p>
<p>^^ I’ve dealt with this my whole life and I’m not even gay. I get it. There is a reason I no longer talk about my parents to most people. I have more empathy then you could ever know. I’m trying to be helpful. If I where in the OP’s roommate shows I’d send them an email explaining to her why I’ve made the decision to switch rooms and that it really was more of my issue then hers. (I really just want a normal living situation for once). </p>
<p>“I’m not sure if you understand how complex of an issue this really is.”</p>
<p>^^ This has been an issue I’ve dealt with my whole life. Yes I’m only 18, but that is likely more years then any freshman that is gay. It is extremely complex. This is probably why you are reading my responses incorrectly. It’s the internet which isn’t great for discussing complex issues. </p>
<p>To the OP and everyone else, all I’m trying to say is use discretion. I honestly think that is the key to making any roommate relationship work.</p>
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</p>
<p>You’re correct, I refuse to believe that discrimination based on sexual orientation is ever acceptable. If your roommate ends up having a crush on you, then there is a viable reason to switch. But your fear that it might happen is not a viable reason to change roommates; if you disagree, then the homosexual would-be roommate will find someone better than you. Like I said, if you feel uncomfortable rooming with a homosexual, the only cause of that is your brain over thinking a potential scenario that will likely not manifest itself. I have given ample explanation as to how it is discriminatory to opt out of having a gay roommate for the sheer fact that he/she is a homosexual. Maybe not homophobic, maybe not hateful, but undeniably discriminatory and irrational. Unless you opt for a single, you run the risk of being placed with any type of person, and unless there is a viable reason for you to feel uncomfortable, you shouldn’t be switching rooms. I’m sorry, but “what if” will never be a good enough reason to switch in my books, because there will be just as many “what ifs” by switching to a new roommate. I have agreed that it’s a viable reason to switch if your roommate does develop feelings for you; you will never, however, get me to agree that it is okay to switch due to your fear that it might happen. If it’s that huge of an issue for you, by all means, pay for your own single so homosexuals don’t have to.</p>
<p>@sewlovely: So what you’re saying is that if your roommate came out to you out of courtesy, you wouldn’t mind? But if it was in an obvious “this is me and you better accept it!” kind of tone, you would switch?</p>
<p>If that’s the case, I’m sorry I misunderstood what you meant.</p>
<p><a href=“I%20really%20just%20want%20a%20normal%20living%20situation%20for%20once”>quote</a>
[/quote]
Normal as in not having to live with a lesbian, or normal as in not having to live with someone who’s extremely opinionated? I hope it’s the latter.</p>
<p>And just so you know, a vast majority of my arguments have not been directed at you; a lot of what I’m saying is directed at those afraid of their roommate being attracted to them, which I know isn’t you.</p>
<p>just a couple more decades til all the old skool dbag haters die out, parents discipline their children in common sense, and homosexuality is just another aspect of humanity.</p>
<p>Yep it is the “this is me and you better accept it!” kind of tone that would make me consider switching. I would really appreciate my roommate coming out to me out of courtesy. It would make me think highly of them and it would be a positive step towards having a positive roomming relationship. In my experience it is very easy to tell when someone is being polite vs. telling me for other reasons. If that makes sense? </p>
<p>What I meant by the normal living situation was not wanting to live with anyone extreme about anything. I know lots of people have passions and things they are very opinionated about (myself included), but there is a difference between passionate and well overly passionate. My roommate is in choral, but it’s a hobby. I couldn’t room with someone who sang in the dorm every night haha. </p>
<p>I am not an in your face type of person, but tend not to do well spending lots of time with in your face people. I can be friends with them though haha. </p>
<p>For these reasons, and many stated above, I did not go random with my roommate. I chose someone at orientation. Within a few minutes I could tell she wasn’t going to be crazy or extreme about anything 
I can honestly deal with most quirks and be flexible with almost anything. For whatever reason the extreme I’m right and no one else could possibly be right stance drives me nuts. Ironically I demonstrate some of that mentality, but at the same time generally I’m more middle of the road. I find I can find things I agree with on both sides. </p>
<p>Can you tell I don’t get to the point easily? :)</p>
<p>Random Question: How on earth do you quote?</p>
<p>[ quote]Quote here
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</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>[ quote=Original poster’s name]Quote here
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</p>
<p>And I completely agree with everything you’ve said. I misunderstood you before.</p>
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Like this:</p>
<p>[noparse]
[/noparse]</p>
<p>Thanks so much! </p>
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<p>It’s okay! I took some of your posts personally. That was definately my bad. I need to work on getting straight to the point. It’s just always so hard with these hot button issues!</p>
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Can you please back up this claim?</p>
<p>(I’m making this post on the assumption that you’re a straight male)</p>
<p>If I was to pick a random girl in your life, what are the odds that you are interested in her? Now let’s suppose you have known since the day you met her that she is a lesbian, now what are the odds? While I do agree that one can’t control who they fall for, I would say that the average person only ends up truly interested in maybe 1/50 to 1/100 people of their preferred gender. Of people of one’s preferred gender whom one knows for a fact would never work out, the chances will drop (by how much will depend on the person.) Obviously I can’t back up this claim with some sort of survey (not sure how exactly you want me to “back it up”), but common sense dictates that statistically, a gay roommate will not develop a crush on you. And regardless of what the chances are that a gay roommate will fall for you, the chances are not going to be significantly (if at all) lower simply because you aren’t rooming. In fact, it may be less likely to happen if you two are roommates because he will see more of you negative qualities; I’ve heard that couples which live together before marriage are less likely to get engaged.</p>
<p>And as I’ve said before, if your roommate does fall for you, that is a perfectly good reason to switch rooms (and your roommate will likely want to as well to help get over the feelings.) A gay roommate may end up liking you, it is a possibility. Your roommate may also kill you, or commit suicide in the room, or smoke pot every night while you’re trying to sleep; I’ve said this before, if you’re that much of a “what if” kind of a person, then you may be best suited for a single. If you’re only going to play the “what if” game when talking about a gay roommate but not when talking about straight roommates, then that is discriminatory. There are 1000 uncomfortable things that can arise with a roommate, and 999 of them can happen with a straight or gay roommate. If avoiding that one potential problem is that crucial for your comfort during those 8 unconscious hours at night, then by all means, let your would-be roommate find someone better.</p>
<p>^Exactly. If you have always known a girl is a lesbian, what are the chances of you developing a crush on her? I’m not saying it can’t happen, but it’s definitely rare.</p>
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</p>
<p>Wow, a unique way to look at the situation! It really puts things in perspective. Sometimes numbers explain things much better then words ever could! </p>
<p>@HarryJones
It is extremely unlikely for a gay man to develop a crush on a straight man. Then you need to factor in the likelyhood of them acting on that crush knowing your straight. The odds of that are extremely rare! </p>
<p>I’ve had crushes on lots of guys without ever acting on them for various reasons. The guys never had a clue.</p>
<p>I don’t even think this is an issue of sexual attraction. I wouldn’t want to share a room with a gay male who certainly wouldn’t be interested in me but would be fine sharing with a lesbian who theoretically could be. Unless they’re some kind of pervert (which would be unrelated to their sexuality and a completely separate issue) your same sex roommate is not going to form an attachment to someone who they know will not reciprocate, and they’re certainly not going to try to grab a look at your private bits.</p>