<p>Dinmor… thats such a nice idea:) thanks for that, I will make it my project on my day off tomorrow…they are indeed great kids and I think that would actually mean a lot to them. They HAVE been through A LOT, and I think acknowledging it that way would mean more than just saying it, and agreed…pizza nights just one on one, really were very healing not only for them but especially for me, (didn’t realize how so until I was actually out doing it) </p>
<p>I had been so consumed with Chris and all the issues and hadn’t done that with the others in so long that i forgot what it was like to just go out and do something “normal” and it felt so wonderful and effortless and I also felt like I had really earned it, it all ties into “taking care of myself” and putting on my own oxygen mask before i help everyone else…thanks.</p>
<p>It’s good to see the progress that is happening. Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you are on the right road. And congratulations on your son’s internship, scores, etc. It sounds like a whole lot of positive!</p>
<p>WipedOutMom, I’ve finally caught up on reading this thread and am glad to hear that you have gotten the help you need for your family and yourself. As I’m sure you are aware, a situation like this is often a “two steps forward, one step back process.” If he doesn’t yet, I hope that Chris will eventually realize how fortunate he is to have two such thoughtful, caring, and intelligent parents. You have shown amazing strength and grace in such a difficult situation. Wishing you and your family the best! DoveMom</p>
<p>Bi-polar was mentioned, but also think about ADD/ADHD. I’m a 49yo mom who was almost put on lithium in college as my counselor thought I was bi-polar. I didn’t do it because it didn’t seem right. And it wasn’t. At 40yo I was officially diagnosed with ADHD with co-morbid anxiety and depression. Some combination with AD/HD could cause him to be down (depressed), up (hyper-focused), addictive personality (impulsive, obsessive with thoughts)…I could go on and on. </p>
<p>Having the proper Dx is the most important thing for him. Good luck, and give that boy some loving boundaries/consequences. And I agree, he needs his parents now.</p>
<p>Hey everyone…we are hanging on, and have our good days and our so so days. Chris is on the meds now for about 6 days, far too soon to say anything is working but the therapy I can see, he is starting to feel good about…he is starting to feel comfortable with the therapist and thats a good sign.</p>
<p>Hopefully will stay that way. He is signed up to take college courses this summer and committed to continue his normal summer job at a local club, as long as everything goes well. He has set some goals for himself and since he has always been very goal oriented, we have all agreed this is good for him to have something to look forward to.</p>
<p>He has been doing a lot of reading and helping out around the house. He is taking it slow, and doing the best with the situation that we have been dealt. We are getting used to it and I think we are all looking forward to the end of the year so we don’t feel like we are in such a strange “transition stage” and we can all hopefully get to enjoy a little part of summer together as a family.</p>
<p>With the intense therapy, a lot of love and support, hopefully the right meds, I truly hope we can get Chris back on track to get back to college full time…happy and motivated again. He said he really misses feeling like that, I think this sudden chunk of time being at home makes him miss keeping his mind active, and having a real purpose, its the first time in years, he has not been non stop busy, and its been a real adjustment. </p>
<p>All that said, however I also know there are no quick fixes, and it took awhile to get to this point, we will take 2 steps forward and 1 step back…so we have to take this very slow and with a lot of patience. I am learning a lot and reading everything I can get my hands on. So many people here have been incredible, and I have many fast friends offering all kinds of wonderful support…thanks so very much. I will continue to keep you updated on his progress.</p>
<p>I find this to be incredible progress in such a short time. Kudos to you, your family and son for all the courage it takes to make changes and to work on tough problems. You are to be commended. Please keep us posted.</p>
<p>Wipedoutmom, you really are brave. So is your son. Not that you ever wanted to be!
Am going through similar with one of mine. Three steps forward, two steps back. At this point, he takes his meds–when he remembers-- and takes responsibility for going to acupuncture, which mellows him out. It’s all such a balancing act; when to give our kids leeway, when to hold firm. And there is not just one right answer.</p>
<p>Within this thread, I see a script for a powerful play about parenting.</p>
<p>Wipedout: Thank you so much for the update. I hope the same things for Chris that you do, and I’m so glad things seem to be going well.</p>
<p>My D graduated college and went through some of this aimlessness when she couldn’t get a job, and I am right now recovering from surgery. Sometimes life deals us this. It’s wonderful that Chris is finding a way to cope.</p>
<p>Merlin…, if you need to “vent” as I sure have taken the liberty of doing and boy was I lucky to find such a receptive and welcoming group to hear me out…do, because trust me, no where will you find a group of people, students and parents alike, that will be more sympathetic, kind, bearing the kind of wisdom, intelligence and insight that you will find here. </p>
<p>This sounding board has been such a huge part of my own “therapy” aside from the therapist I have started seeing, its been so healing to hear so many different voices and perspectives, and sometimes the thought of bearing my soul in a room,( as was suggested by my therapist to go into a traditional support group setting at a local hospital) with other parents was just too overwhelming for me, so this is doing the same thing but in a virtual setting. </p>
<p>Just wanted to mention it because it has, I am convinced been a very big part of my outlook and my motivation to take the bull by the horns and get immediate treatment for not only my son but myself too. It kind of opened up my eyes, fully to the gravity of the situation and for that I am eternally grateful.</p>
<p>Thanks for the support. At the moment, things seem OK, but you never know. Parenting can be the most humbling of experiences.
For years, DH and I have joked that the particular kid is about 3 years delayed in maturation. He seems to tempt fate. Just when we think he has rounded the corner, another incident occurs. One thing I have concluded is that some kids never really round that corner. Many parents expect that there will be a defining event (like an Outward Bound experience or the right medication or getting more time in the resource room or joining Americorps) and the kid will be fixed/normal. I have concluded that some are just wired to learn/live life the hard way.
At the same time, this guy can be very sweet. DH says that he will be the one to care for us in our dotage. He sure takes good care of our animals!</p>
<p>It is so nice that he is a nurturing soul, merlin. </p>
<p>You are right, this parenting business and the kids’ maturation processes are not always a straight line. We have your back, if you need us. We have either been in your shoes or could easily have been there given a 2-degree change in some variable.</p>
<p>Thanks, mafool. Today, things still seem fine, but it can turn on a dime. Better weather, with more sunshine, usually means better mental health. We got him an SAD light last year and that seemed to help. But I don’t suppose it does offers help with writing papers! lol This summer he will take 2 courses online because he really does want to graduate on time. This kid provides more excitement than I need in my life! Is there a thread for parents whose kids graduate and then move back in with them??</p>
<p>Only chiming in, as an oldie here, to say that you parents who are focusing on the reality of your children are doing a huge service and should have all of us chime in to say so.</p>
<p>Agree with the above. I have a husband who is exactly as you describe. He was some wonderful qualities and a life filled with “incidents”. I do know my life would be worse without him.</p>
<p>I am just reading through this thread and the time is most appropriate. We are bringing S home today from his LAC. </p>
<p>First semester his grades were not what we expected. Nothing lower than a C but coming from an honor student we could tell something was just not right. During Christmas break son spilled his heart out to me one night. He said that he was quite depressed and the weather was miserable. We are from a very sunny region and he was experiencing cold, rain, snow all the time. </p>
<p>He was drinking some ( a lot) from what I gathered and so I thought that was the problem. S made the decision that he would not drink at all because he felt he has to much of an addictive personality. I was excited that he was smart enough to see this. After a few weeks into the new semester he started missing classes. His explanation was that he felt “paralyzed” and just could not move. S again made a smart decision and went to see the school counselor. Great efforts were made to change his behavior but somethings he just could not do. While home on spring break we took S to the doctor and had lots of blood work done. Doctor said son has major depression and a serious vitamin D deficiency which in part could cause some depression. The drug tests also showed NO drugs or alcohol. S was given an antidepressant and started on Vit. D supplements. Unfortunately he feels he is getting worse so called the doctor over the weekend. He is flying home tonight to be admitted into the hospital tomorrow.</p>
<p>Anyway, I sat last night and read this thread and finally allowed myself to cry and be sad. Thank you all for sharing your story - especially the OP. Thanks for allowing me to share mine. It is nice to know we are not alone. I think this has got to be the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. </p>
<p>I have made a point to let son know that he has made some really wise and grown up decisions. But he is quite devastated by having to leave school.</p>
<p>I had to leave school one semester with psychological problems. I now have a PhD and have been a tenured professor for over 20 years, and a college teacher for almost 30 years.</p>
<p>I have never had a repeat of those problems and have raised very stable children.</p>
<p>Don’t project negative outcomes.</p>
<p>It’s okay to feel sad; it is sad, but endings may turn out better than you think. Just take each day as it comes, as you brave moms are doing.</p>
<p>Just thought I might make you feel a little better.</p>
<p>As a high school teacher I have seen students like your son. A mental illness left untreated can be crippling. You are living with this nightmare every day and it becomes a common thing that you see every day. When you tell others, like us, we can see all the red flags going off. It is difficult for you to see since you deal with this daily. Please, please go and get your son the treatment he needs. Take him to another city if you don’t want anyone in your community to know. With the right treatment your son can make a remarkable recovery and as he matures some he will be able to better help himself. Right now he seems to be a lost soul. He does not know what to do to make himself better either. You need to step in and take charge. It will not fix itself or go away. I can’t wait to hear back and you tell us how well he is doing. The time will come:) My thoughts are with you and your family as you go through this most difficult time.</p>
<p>DogsandBirds,
You are handling this head-on. Both you and you son are to be commended. How strong he must be to know he needs help and reach for it while in such a state.</p>