<p>My son says he’s doing well so far. He called me for the first time yesterday, when I forgot to call him (I call him every night) because I spent the whole day fishing and got home late. He wanted to know “if I was OK,” which made me feel good. And I was surprised to discover that I am not sad about him leaving for college anymore. Just a month ago I felt like my world had ended, and now I’m just proud of him, and glad he is so happy there. Time heals all wounds.</p>
<p>U2 is performing at D’s school tonight- she was quick to report that she could hear their sound check from her room! I’m wondering what kind of child I raised- she had an opportunity to go for free (working for her service organization) but she is a member of another group that is having an event tonight. I was ready to raise my hand to volunteer to sell concessions!</p>
<p>^^^ Sorry, but what school is that?</p>
<p>Williamsdad, I am glad to hear you are doing better… I followed your other thread and have been wondering about you. Time does heal all wounds!</p>
<p>Thank you, SWTCAT. Ahhh!!! it even feels kind of silly now, but at the time it was just terrible. Remember? I said that if I was still feeling that bad in a month I would seek therapy, and I even told a psychologist at the clinic where I work that I might be making an appointment to see him soon. He came into the common room today, heard me laughing, and said “guess you won’t be making that appointment after all.”</p>
<p>Wanted to post an update for all the helpful posters on my D and her roommate issue. The roommate’s boyfriend has not come into their room for over a week (since he yelled at my D and she told him she was “uncomfortable” with him in her room). She has settled into an awkward but OK relationship with her roomie who refuses to discuss the issue. Although D is disappointed and occasionally upset with the tension, she has focused on other great friends that she has made on the floor and her classes. She seems to have accepted the situation and is making the best of it. My message for others who are dealing with freshmen problems, some problems may not get resolved but accepted and put on the back burner. As long as there are enough other good things going on, our teenagers seem to be amazingly resilient.</p>
<p>What I like best is that she is choosing for there to be enough other good things going on instead of choosing to have a big focus on the drama. Very mature.</p>
<p>Eddieodessa - I’m sorry this happened. I remember you said she was having a difficult adjustment to college life. Do you think the potential for this break-up was on her mind during this time and contributed to the over-all negative problems??</p>
<p>Woody - I am sure part of the reason she was having unhappiness is because her boyfriend is here at home, still. And she missed him so much.</p>
<p>williamsdad, I am very glad to hear that you are doing well.</p>
<p>Twoparent, a silent truce may be good enough. Back in the dark ages, I was in a quad (two very narrow doubles and a living room) in my freshman year. One of my roommates took a real dislike to me for a couple of reasons. The one I knew was that I was messy and he was anal compulsive. The second I learned much later. He was a high school valedictorian (as was another of my roommates) and expected to be the best. I worked incredibly hard and did very well in my relatively hard courses and he did less well and I learned from a friend of his that somehow he resented me for that. He was insecure, as was I, but it is not clear now why he’d pick me to resent, but he did. I wouldn’t have known how to talk it out at the time (and I doubt he would have either). I joined activities, found other friends, centered my social life with them, roomed with them for the next three years and remain friends now. Although there were awkward moments in the room, I didn’t let the cold silence get in the way of either work or fun and it sounds like your daughter is successfully doing the same thing. Good for her.</p>
<p>Hey, shawbridge!!! Yes, I’m back to my normally cheerful self. </p>
<p>I just finished reading your wonderful post on the “8th Grade LD/Special Needs Kid Wants to Talk College” thread. I am glad I read it. Among other things, it explained why you chose Amherst, with its open curriculum. You didn’t give me such a full account of your amazing son. I am awed, and I am so glad he is doing well at Williams’ supposed “rival” school. Tell him he has a Mexican admirer, will you?</p>
<p>eddieodessa- my D is dealing with similar BF issues. They keep alternating between breaking up (by phone, since he is still here and she’s 3,000 miles away) and then getting back together. She’s coming home for Thanksgiving, (she’ll be overseas for Christmas), and I’m hoping she’ll get some clarity about their relationship. She’s finally becoming pretty happy in every other way at college, and I know this one situation is making it very hard for her to completely settle in to her new life.</p>
<p>Son called tonight. Haven’t heard his voice in a month. A few sporadic emails a week. His short, mine long.</p>
<p>All’s well. </p>
<p>I’m so proud…but God, I sure do miss him.</p>
<p>Dad</p>
<p>D would also like to be making more friends. Has 2 roomies, both party goers who are out very late and she does not want to accompany them. I keep telling her that it takes time to make real friends and if she isn’t comfortable going on their drinking forays, don’t go (and am secretly happy that she is not!). I didn’t make good college friends till the 2nd year and am still very close to many of them. It takes time…its just hard to know your child is writing a lab report on Saturday night. She is looking into sororities as she is very outgoing and is a joiner. Is on 1 sports team and loves that. I just keep repeating, “it takes time”…“it will come, trust me” and hope to hell I am right.</p>
<p>khs, I wish we could get our kids together as they are at the same school. S went to some parties and drank some at the beginning (basically because he could… a new experience!) S is very social and has gotten involved in a couple of sports teams and has a great group on his floor. They like to party but they don’t really like to drink…so they may go to a party to dance and have fun but not drink, or they go out in the city as a big group. S thinks he may want to join a fraternity in the spring but he hasn’t made up his mind yet. A lot of the boys on his club sports team belong to one house and they have made clear they would like him to join, but we’ll see.</p>
<p>I envy the mom who feels sorry for her daughter studying on a Saturday night; wish I had that problem with my son - grass is alwayts greener! It’s great to read all of your posts; have been “lurking here” for about a month. My son is a freshman at an engineering program at a college in a great city for kids, after being raised in a small New England town with only 65 in his graduating class. I wasn’t worried about him adjusting to life away from home, as I am divorced and his dad lives 2000 miles away so he has been travelling on a plane twice a year since he was 9 and he also attended a couple “engineering camps” at colleges during his sophomore and junior year, where he lived away from home for a week or two, as well as a couple sleep away soccer camps. And he’s lucked out with a good roommate from that area; they have a lot in common and get along well. I can tell he’s eating well & being responsible about his money and laundry, so he’s doing well in that respect but…</p>
<p>My son is having a great time at his college of 15,000, has made great friends, played “broomball” for the 1st time in his life and has joined the broomball club, as well as the soccer club and is staying busy playing frisbee, pick up baseball & football with his new friends, as well as working 10 hours a week for work study and having fun “jamming” on his guitar with some new friends who also play instruments. I wanted him to get a work study job in the engineering dept or in the library, but he wanted to get one involved with athletics for “balance”, which he did. However, he does have to put in study time in order to do well in math & chemistry and he had exams last week and the results were not good. He’s doing great in his engineering design class, which he also loved in highschool, but I know he’s not spending enough time on his studies nor taking advantage of all the resources the school offers.</p>
<p>I’m worried that he will not get the B average he needs in order to keep his scholarships and be able to go back next semester if he doesn’t quickly buckle down to his studies and put the focus on his academics. We don’t have Parent’s weekend for another couple weeks, so I plan to drive there this week, take him out to dinner and ask him if he’d rather have a great 4 months at college in this city but then not be able to go back, have to come back home, get a job & go to the CC or if he would rather have a good time for a longer time and graduate from college there and get a well-paying job so he can pay off his loans and have a good time for the rest of his life. Anyone have any other suggestions to help this kid get focussed on his academics? Thanks!</p>
<p>Our first sign of potential problem. ShawbridgeSon caught a cold from his cousin when he was visiting and is getting over that but is very tired. Fatigue was one of his big problems in HS. The good sign: he’s getting over the respiratory problems quickly, which was a big problem in the past. The bad sign: he sounded pretty fatigued.</p>
<p>He had his first test on Friday, he’s got a test Sunday night, some other assignments due Monday (which he did today) and a rough draft of a paper due on Tuesday. I’m hoping he can get through the week and he’ll be coming home for Columbus Day weekend. The next dilemma: he wants to compete in a debate tournament at Harvard this weekend, which would energize him, but he’s exhausted and should probably just sleep for the long weekend. But, he’ll have to deal with that after he makes it through his paper.</p>
<p>My D was sounding depressed and homesick today on the phone, talking about transferring again and why couldn’t I come for parent’s weekend. She was working her way up to crying, when she interrupted my reassurances to say “hold on, I’m getting a text.” Then, in a brighter tone, she said " Listen, I’ll have to call you back, ok? " and then texted me two hours later to say she was in a restaurant near campus with five girlfriends. We’re up! We’re down! We’re up! sigh.</p>
<p>Sailorgirl, I wouldn’t get too depressed about low grades on the first round of tests as that is fairly common, particularly in engineering. The kids have to recalibrate to the tougher level of tests given in college. A gentle reminder to your son about the consequences if he doesn’t pull up his grades probably wouldn’t hurt, but the advisors at our son’s school recommend you remain mostly a cheerleader and express confidence in your child’s ability to get the job done. </p>
<p>Our son (also in engineering) is a social type as well. Somewhat to our surprise, he worked extremely hard through the first round of tests thanks to lots of prewarnings about what to expect. That paid off with solid grades. He has round two of tests this week and may not be as well prepared. From his emails, it appears that his social life keeps expanding, so balancing work and play becomes more challenging. In addition, many of those kids who messed up in the first round of tests will have buckled down for the second round, changing the curve.</p>
<p>I bet your son pulls it together. It is a promising sign that he enjoys his engineering class and itsn’t talking about changing majors, so he sounds motivated.</p>
<p>Sailorgirl, I sent you a PM. Check your box.</p>