<p>D called today - last night (Saturday) she went out - yay! Was working on said lab report mentioned in earlier post and one of her few friends texted her - lets go to a concert - and they did, with a few other girls that new friend knows. She had a really good time. Came back to roomies partying in her room, not so fun but as soon as she returned the party ended. Glad. New friends were very nice, very supportive of her roommate situation and invited her for more outings. I am relieved. We’ll see how it goes…</p>
<p>khs,
so glad to hear it. Which concert did she go to? My S went back to our hometown to both the boys and girls soccer team big rivalry games, he wanted to visit with friends as he will be coming to our new home in Chicago over Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>D calls after tests to let us know how she’s doing. She seems to go to office hours to “get help” and I was on the phone with her as she was leaving her chem profs bldg on Friday. I only know cuz she forgot something in the office and had to go back. We have go to class unless you are in the hospital rules in place. 
But she’s a big class goer, anyway and always has been. And when she decided to join a sorrority, H set a grade rule, too. How interesting how we all come up with the same sets of rules. Who knew?</p>
<p>Mother of a college senior- son here. Redwing and murmur, I can relate to you. There are many parents in your shoes.</p>
<p>I have told my father to not give any more birthday, etc gifts if son won’t bother to thank him. I have sent many times the amount of email/phone info than son has sent me. It takes mail one day (or 2, what the post office says) to reach him but forever for him to send something to us (he has to get around to it- I once lost my cell phone after dropping him off, it was found and he walked over a mile in zero degree weather the next day to retrieve it but took 1 or 2 weeks to finally send it to me). It is frustrating to be ignored, but typical of many sons. It helps to search the school website for info- there is a wealth of information available to fill in the gaps. Easiest way to know vacation, finals dates (need to know courses)…</p>
<p>“I think the scariest time as a parent is that first semester. You are powerless to do much more than hope that the kiddo picked the right college and knows how to learn balance and succeed. It makes the entire senior year feel like a cakewalk. I’ll be just as scared next fall with #2 as I was with #1. If semester 1 goes OK, you can start breathing again.”</p>
<p>I think you used the perfect word to describe how I’m feeling: scared</p>
<p>I guess I’m just having a hard time not really knowing how (or if) my son is really adjusting to college. I made this post in the Parents 2013 thread a little while ago. I’ll feel better putting it here too:</p>
<p>Does some kind soul want to talk me down from the ledge? I just need some reassuring words here…</p>
<p>I just got off the phone with my son. As usual, he reports that everything is “fine,” he went out this weekend and it was “OK” (maybe not as much fun as he’s had the previous weekends), and he still has lots and lots of work. He said he might be feeling a bit overwhelmed, but he’s sure it will be “fine” - yea there’s that word again. For a kid who loves to write and does it very well, he really needs to work on his speaking vocabulary.</p>
<p>So anyway, I think I just decided I don’t really like to talk on the phone with him. Basically, he’s just not a good “phone talker.” Like most kids his age, he really doesn’t do a whole lot of it. Texting, IM’s - that’s what it’s all about if he’s not actually talking in-person to someone. I just felt like the entire conversation was … unfulfilling. Uhgg - I know I’m making more of this than I should and I shouldn’t read anything into his lack of enthusiasm on the phone. I think I just want so desperately for him to be happy at college. I guess I really want him to be one of the ones who doesn’t have a difficult adjustment period. Then again, if things aren’t going well for him at any point, I definitely want him to know he can talk to us about it. I don’t want him to feel that he has to keep anything from us for fear we would be disappointed or anything.</p>
<p>Have I mentioned that I know I’m probably making way too much out of a simple, brief phone call? I guess it’s just the adjustment to being so in the dark about what’s really going on in his day to day life. Let’s face it, when they live home you see them every day. Even if he’s not actually verbalizing everything he’s feeling, you can pick-up alot of info just by physically seeing him. Man, that Paraent’s Weekend can’t come fast enough.</p>
<p>Thanks for letting me vent.</p>
<p>Thanks for letting me vent twice!!</p>
<p>I’m a little scared too, not about effort – ShawbridgeSon always wants to be at the top – and not about ability but about stamina. He’s been really tired since he came down with a cold. Stamina has been an issue for him since he was a little kid. He was tired taking his first test and knows he made a careless error and possibly others. This afternoon, he called me exhausted, with a three hour test this evening. But, he called after the test, chipper and lively, because he taken a stimulant his sleep doctor has prescribed. He’s pretty confident he did well on the test. He’ll take a while to fall asleep and the stimulant masks the exhaustion. A paper to be completed tomorrow night and then he thinks it will be easy. And I’ll pick him up on Friday.</p>
<p>In a more humorous vein, he missed dinner for his test and called me while he was walking to the coffee shop to get some food. I asked him if he was going to use his college cash card. He said that this would be the first time he had used it – he didn’t know how until he watched someone yesterday. [And only after one month+ on campus]. And, he told me his ATM card didn’t work in the machine on campus. I asked what he’d been doing for money. He said he brought a bunch of cash with him when he arrived, but now he’s finished that so he tried the ATM machine. He thought it would only take local banks or something. Nope. I looked it up. It is a NYCE/Cirrus network machine. Well, my sweet man-child may be brilliant but he has a just in time approach to the practical aspects of life. He can do most things without an issue (especially if he doesn’t have to read directions), but he chooses not to clutter his brain with anything extraneous unless he has to. Like one of my more extraordinary friends and to a lesser extent like me, I suspect that girlfriends, wives, assistants will end up picking up the slack for him on the practical end of life.</p>
<p>D2 was home this weekend. While she is excelling at her fall sport I think she is still very homesick/boyfriend sick. She has yet to be on campus for a full weekend due to game schedule. She teared up and broke my heart when we hugged and said goodbye when she left. She has not had any tests yet! She knows girls on the team pretty well but not really meeting many others. She is my slow to warm child in new situations but I really thought she would be doing better than this. She is going to classes, attending study tables, practices and games but is not making any attempts to meet classmates or people in her dorm/apartment building besides her roomies. She is not really complaining but is just so sad. :(</p>
<p>China ~ here’s hoping to help you down from the ledge :)</p>
<p>My freshman son is a terrible “phone talker” too. Lately, I have pretty much focused on emails where he is much more forthcoming with information. I miss talking to him, but I know I was reading way too much negativity into our phone conversations, and that would end up with me endlessly worrying.</p>
<p>I got to visit my son today. It was just him and I, which is my best way to get him to open up. I asked upbeat, open-ended questions and did a lot of listening. I also drove him on a couple of errands; he always opens up to me better in the car. I was really relieved with how well he is adjusting. He explained the things that have been hard for him in college, the things that he is absolutely loving, and the ways he’s learning to navigate the college environment. </p>
<p>What else did I learn? Don’t assume too much. I dread the worst, so I plan for the worst, so I assume the worst. That doesn’t do either of us any good, and it’s not fair to him.</p>
<p>College is a learning experience in a multitude of ways. It’s not just about the academics. I cannot prevent him from making mistakes, but I can know that he will learn from his mistakes. He will make mistakes. That’s part of the deal.</p>
<p>There. Now I’m off the ledge! Hopefully, I can stay off that ledge! :D</p>
<p>Oh, NorthMinnesota, you posted while I was still writing.</p>
<p>
I’m so sorry 
It’s so hard to see our children be sad. <em>BIG HUG</em> to you.</p>
<p>NM, my son formed a study group for one class (maybe more than one). I wonder if your daughter might want to do that (or is that what a study table is). She may not have a lot of team between sports, classes and homework, but this wouldn’t take up time because it involves studying for her courses, and it would mean expanding outward among folks not on her team.</p>
<p>“What else did I learn? Don’t assume too much. I dread the worst, so I plan for the worst, so I assume the worst. That doesn’t do either of us any good, and it’s not fair to him.”</p>
<p>So true, so true…</p>
<p>I know I’m reading too much into the conversation. I know I shouldn’t expect him to be totally upbeat every single moment. Gosh - it was Sunday night at 9:30 and he was on his way to the library to study/do work. Why should he be excited about that!?!?!? Maybe he didn’t feel like doing that. He had just gotten a phone call from his sister with some bad news. Why wouldn’t he be in a possible bad mood?</p>
<p>Self: Take a deep breath and be thankful that Parent’s Weekend is only about 10 days away.</p>
<p>NM, hope your daughter’s slow-to-warm heats up a little bit. I think things are harder for those kids initially, but hopefully it will turn around for her soon & she’ll be connected and enjoying things. Shawbridge-hope your son is able to keep up his endurance. That’s a constant monitoring process for him (I get tired if I don’t eat every 2 hrs, so know how that is). </p>
<p>Can so relate to many of these posts. China, my son is not a good phone talker either, and we get “fine” “fine” and more “fine.” momlove–what a great post (“anticipating the worst”). I do that too and am trying to train myself not to. For some reason I don’t do it with my 2nd born (10 yrs younger than son) and I think she benefits from that confidence.</p>
<p>I’ve worked out a tentative approach for upcoming chats w/ son as to the possibility of him not working the way he should. Going to focus on ‘college is an huge opportunity for you & it’s your chance to shine’ & ‘you have so much to share with the world’ – rather than a more negative approach. Although, the reality of gpa needed for scholarship/grad school/internships will likely come in.</p>
<p>shawbridge/Jolynne…D2 has mandatory study tables with other athletes three nights a week. She says she always has her homework done ahead of time so she is reading ahead. She did pick up another class…a PE class on running! Like she isn’t getting enough physical activity! I guess it helps to relieve her stress and she says it will be an easy A. Tried to tell her to leave her apartment/dorm door open to meet people but she hasn’t so she doesn’t even know who lives beside her on either side or across the hall. oh well…I guess we should grateful she’s not crying on the phone and insisting on coming home. I just have this funny feeling that she will try to excel in her classes as she is in her sport so she can have good transfer options. H and I are heading to her school for the weekend as she has two home games. We have seriously thought about not going since this will be her first full weekend on campus but all of her other teammates parents will be there and she would be the odd person out. Hard to know what is the right thing to do!</p>
<p>After posting I had a talk via phone with S. Got a lot sorted out. He felt overwhelmed by grandparent’s e-mails and our chatty e-mails. Told him that we wanted contact once a week and that I am sure he could spare a few minutes for his grandparents too. After a discussion on acknowledging his gifts which I think he fully intended to do in his own time frame, he said we just “didn’t understand how hard it was adjusting to school.” That was the first hint we had of anything beyond the word “fine.” That little opening really did help and gave us both a chance to talk about our adjustments. Hoping things continue to improve, but he will still be the same kid we sent there, I can’t expect a miracle 
We will see him in a few weeks for parents weekend. Thanks to everyone for your experiences and kind words.</p>
<p>Well, it looks like he survived mid-term week. Two exams on which he did well but not up to his standards (I’m guessing A-'s) with careless mistakes. He now knows with one professor who doesn’t give partial credit that he has to be ultra-careful. But, he is tired. He’s also finding that his favorite professor is giving verbal assignments for short papers that my son (and others) misinterpret or more likely the guy wasn’t clear in the first place and so he then gives out written instructions of what he wants after they’ve handed in the rough draft. Why not hand it out the first time? My son was great about clarifying assignments in HS because he just cannot afford to do wasted work. He’s going to have to do that here and has set up a weekly meeting with this professor.</p>
<p>After a long chatty email on his latest round of exams, roommate issues and whatnot, S2 says and “oh by the way I will be coming home this weekend.” I’m just thrilled. He is six hours away but catching a ride with friends headed home for the week-end. His father turns 50 this Sunday, so his decision is a thoughtful surprise since I know he values his week-ends at college a lot. </p>
<p>His roommate reportedly never opens a book, but at least he is quiet (always sleeping which really makes S jealous). He wasn’t as upbeat about how he did on the last round of tests. He really has no time to do anything other than study Sunday through Friday afternoon and sounds a little discouraged that others don’t seem to need to work as hard. But concluded that it is what it is. I think he is surprised at the magnitude of workload in engineering despite all the advance warnings of what to expect.</p>
<p>Analyst, couldn’t agree more on the engineering workload. D is taking some core courses that her suitemates used AP credit for - wanted to make sure she had a solid foundation. I think there are times she’s kicking herself for that decision but they are covering material now that the other girls have never heard of. She’s also pre-med so she was nervous about med schools and AP credit. She’s also taking a 300 level French course which is her “easy” class as she puts it! She’s studying just as much as your son, it sounds like. I think if they get through this year, they’ll be fine. </p>
<p>And that’s great news your son will be home! D was just home for reading days and it was great to see her. She was glad to have some “home time”.</p>
<p>Seven weeks into school and our S is still thrilled to be at his University, is bonding with his dormmates, likes his part time job, and is pulling straight A’s. So what’s the problem?
He can’t get healthy. Despite enough sleep, good nutrition (with supplements) and hydration, and a new infatuation with Purell, he has been to health clinic 5 times and is now on his 3rd round of antibiotics.
He has fought an upper respitory infection, a sinus infection and now has an ear infection. Living in the close quarters of a dorm is taking its toll I’m afraid. It is starting to get him down. He is sick of being sick, and worn out from mustering the extra energy to do what needs to be done. Maybe this will be like Kindergarten, where all the kids were sick the first semester, until they developed immunities to each other.</p>
<p>^^ Sounds like there might be a problem with being so stripped of all bacteria (between antibiotics and purell) that he catches everything that comes down the pike. It becomes a vicious circle in that way. There is both good and bad bacteria. The problem is, antibiotics don’t differentiate.</p>
<p>Son had a cold and fought through it with essentially taking dayquil and nightquil. I had asked him if he thought he needed to go to the health center when I felt it might be more sinus infection than simple cold. He said that while it might have been, as long as the symptoms could be managed with something to reduce the symptoms, it was a matter of his body building bacterial immunity and then he gave me some biological explanation of how the body actually does this and you have to sometimes allow the body time to make the correct enzymes to fight infection instead of wiping them all out with an antibiotic. Blah blah blah… he explained this at dinner where one of the parents was a ENT doc who agreed for the most part.</p>
<p>I think it actually fits when you think about what any vaccine truly is – which is either live or dead strains of the actual disease - be it flu, smallpox, etc…</p>
<p>Sabaray, I think your D made the right decision not to take the AP credit. I think they cover a lot more in college and those that tested out of that foundation course could really be hurting next semester.</p>