<p>*My point was that I thought I was prepared to handle things like this. But the fact I were not and the impact is greater than I expected.</p>
<p>I know will be many more to come. So we learn from each time and one beer may get me over the next one.*</p>
<p>Oh yeah :rolleyes: more disappointments more beers- there is a way to cope.</p>
<p>I am dealing with kids who have disabilities almost as severe as my own, I know of many other families dealing with even more severe problems and are way more positive and upbeat than this.
I think you need to get perspective and a grip.
I expect as long as you see the glass as half empty- you are going to be obsessing over petty disappointments.
Good luck with that.</p>
<p>I think many parents here have bright , competitive , high achieving children / students. Many of these kids ,through hard work and talent are sort of used to things going their way. We have probably all had many celebrations because of their achievements.
Their disappointments become ours when the day comes that someone else gets the scholarship,acceptance or jobs that we felt confident was all wrapped up for them.
I agree that the closed door is an open window. Last year, my daughter was so upset because she did not get chosen to become and RA. It was the first time that something she tried for didn’t work out ( we were a little upset because the free room & board would’ve been NICE )
I think it was a good lesson for her to learn though, as I am sure that when it is time for her to enter her field, there will be some highs and lows too.</p>
I wish my kids had experienced and could read all the wonderful things people have said on this board about your daughter. How many kids get to read over and over again how accomplished they are and from non-biased adults? It must be humbling.</p>
<p>DadII, you need to ignore comments from certain posters unless you want to change your screen name to Crazygirlsdad. Some people like to lecture people. I do think you missed your calling as an actor, what with all this drama?</p>
<p>You could not be wrong to feel sad/upset/disappointed or let down by the results. It is your daughter and you want the world for her.
We all do.
No argument from me. I probably would’ve felt just as horrible if my daughter had not gotten into her first choice school..sometimes I think even more than she would’ve been..</p>
<p>Last year DS applied for a big research program and was turned down. Was he disappointed? Sure. But it turned out to be one of the best possible things that could have happened – he found another opportunity, ran with it, and it has been FAR better in the long run for him (personally, socially, academically, financially, you name it) than his original plans.</p>
<p>We all face forks in the road. We all get invested in the choices we make and the dreams we have. Disappointment is normal (even for parents). But resiliency is important, too. One of DS’s favorite xkcd comics shows a person rappelling down the side of an office building and calling out to someone working in a cubicle. The gist of it is, the rappeller calls out, “F$#@ this. Let’s go have an adventure.” That sums up DS’s attitude towards this year. Works for him. Works for me. It has probably made him more successful <em>because</em> he’s not worried about if he wins awards, gets into X college, lands Y internship. He’s having fun, and it shows.</p>
<p>*Because some of the posters seem to miss being in junior high.
*</p>
<p>Actually when I was in junior high - in middle class suburbia- where I went to school with Bill Russells wife ( one of his exs anyway )- the kids had more troubles than that they might have to attend an instate university.
One of my friends killed herself by slitting her wrists- she was found in the wooded area of our campus, another friends dad shot himself in his back yard- my own dad died from an overdose a couple years later.These were just the obvious indicators of the concerns that 12 year olds were dealing with everyday.</p>
<p>Rather than reinforcement of why dadII should wallow in self pity- which reminds BTW of Michelle Pfeffier angsting over how tough it is to be so beautiful- I think he should be encouraged to stop acting like what he wants & thinks is the center of the universe- even his own & put that energy outward, into some positive, practical use.</p>
<p>What we spend our time thinking about- what we spend our time doing- is who we are.
We have all at one point wanted our children to be new improved versions of ourselves.
But we also know, that they are strong independent beings- we may have facilitated their arrival , but they have their own path to forge.</p>
<p>Fretting over the realization that life is not going to be easy for them, and letting them know of your fears, is like telling them that you don’t think they can handle it. That you are afraid that if they get diverted or trip that they won’t be able to find the way back, or get up again.</p>
<p>My daughter, who has had a very rough time, coping with mulitple learning disabilities, with a tough family life, without much support has learned something that makes me want to stand up and cheer.
She has learned to trust herself.</p>
<p>Of course you’re right, but I think it’s ok for us to do a little wound-licking here. I know I came here for support during the admissions process even though rationally, I shouldn’t have needed any support. It’s better for us to wail and moan here than with our kids at least. Speaking of being identifiable, at least one coach and one admissions person had figured out who I was on CC.</p>
<p>3KS has two great points- alway check your junk mail/ bulk mail folders- good things can be diverted.</p>
<p>Also, timing is not always perfect- when 3 kids from Ds school were awaiting news from USC, one heard on a Monday, another on Wed, another on Fri! It was hell for the kid who heard Friday, no determinable reason for the differences that we could see, but things like that do happen. </p>
<p>On the other hand, using this board to get an idea when to give up on something you are hoping for, say a scholarship notification, is helpful, because usually every one hears within a few days of each other. There is, however, one merit scholarship at my Ds school which can have vastly different dates of notification, as there is a regional component, thus if the regional committee in one area is done, there selection may hear sooner than a kid elsewhere. Also, a student in one area may choose not to attend that school and the school may award the $ to an alternate, at a later date.</p>
<p>Dad II, just to cover the bases: your daughter didn’t apply to the engineering school, did she? Because the students who applied to VUSE won’t hear until early March.</p>
<p>I like it! It is the qualitative part of our personality that labels the beer can half full or half empty. But the quantitative part tell us like it really is–200 ml, plain and simple.</p>
<p>‘For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so’. So said Hamlet.</p>
<p>So you all don’t think Dad II is a ■■■■■ anymore? Wow, how did he turn into this sympathetic character from the guy who pulled the plug on the computer while his daughter was doing the OSU scholarship?</p>
<p>Isn’t this the guy who would rather his daughter not go to college than go to Ohio State? Am I confusing him with another Dad II.</p>
<p>If someone expresses hurt and you have condolences or empathetic anecdotes to offer, why even think twice? No one’s hand is being forced, and no one seems to be making assumptions one way or the other. Just responding with what they can.</p>
<p>I’ve been reading Dad II’s post for a while, too. I think he’s complex, sometimes inappropriate, but willing to share his real and sometimes bizarre and even cruel thoughts and behaviors. That’s the appeal of his posts! </p>
<p>And sometimes, like this time, we see a bit of ourselves in his writing. </p>
<p>The hardest part of being the parent of a senior this year has been separating myself, in that this stuff is really HER life. I think Dad II should be commended for coming here, venting, testing the waters, and then formulating a conversation, reaction, drinking plan, or whatever. His daughter is going to be the beneficiary of his connecting with other adults in similar circumstances. Go CC.</p>
<p>My advice: not so much drinking, but perhaps an hour on the exercise bike or trails when the stress hits. Change addictions. Your heart will thank you. </p>
<p>Hang in there Dad II. I don’t always agree with you, but you make me think.</p>
Some people like to lecture people. I do think you missed your calling as an actor, what with all this drama?</p>
)- the kids had more troubles than that they might have to attend an instate university.