<p>midmo - I’ve been contemplating a thread on this phenomena on CC of being respectful and supportive (supportive doesn’t mean we only offer insight that makes someone feel good). In my limited journey into other websites and forums, I’ve never found one as full of useful wisdom, intelligent, articulate and caring as I have this one, especially given the range of topics discussed here. The harshest posts on this website parallel the nicest posts on other websites. It’s refreshing!</p>
<p>I meant to write this earlier, but I agree with Jazzymom: brilliant post. You hit the nail on the head. DII wears his heart on his sleeve and he causes a sort of a communal parental catharsis as the thread proceeds. It doesn’t meant that every word he writes is what everyone feels; I think Jazzymom means he’s like EveryDad.</p>
<p>OK, now all the editing and post removal makes my post 98 look a bit disembodied!</p>
<p>Did I just get removed? Huh?</p>
<p>I agreed with bethievt…</p>
<p>There is something about commiserating and then crossing that line to enabling</p>
<p>Would it be better to just go, yes, wallow, worry yourself sick, when basically everything is good…or say, well, you know…maybe that reaction was unwarranted</p>
<p>the thread did not start in a bubble…it is after a history of posts about the whole process with all kinds of threats and consequences to the D for not being perfectm but also some real growth, but only after people said- hold on there fella!!!</p>
<p>and its GOOD the OP is posting and perhaps trying to grow and change, but saying, ah, its okay to be almost physically ill and unable to work becuase your d didn’t get a particular scholarship, not helpful</p>
<p>We parents are supposed to be the strong ones, people our children can go to when they face disappointment, knowing that no matter what, if they are good decent people, that is all we really want or need…if you child has to worry about a parent’s being able to handle the child’s disappointment, what does that leave the child with? </p>
<p>sure, be sad for a bit, be disappointed, but that is life…life is messy, imperfect, much is not in our control, the systems set in place are bizarre…and no matter how much you try, well, sometimes you don’t get every thing you expect or want</p>
<p>and part of the “art of discovery” is discovering that maybe how you react to things isn’t the best, because discovery is not helpful unless you really see where you were and where you are going</p>
<p>and if a person reacts so strongly to one thing that while sad, isn’t even close to real bad stuff, how will they react to that rejection letter…which I hope they don’t get, but they really need to be ready for</p>
<p>Seems D is prepared…</p>
<p>bethie - would have preferred that your post on eating rice hoppers removed. It was far more offensive :)</p>
<p>Hey, bethie … I saw your post before it disappeared. And given that I am a person of supreme importance, you can feel validated! 
(Hope that comes out as a wink)</p>
<p>It is true that our kids NEED to learn how to deal with adversity. It’s hard enough for us adults to handle it … imagine how hard it would be for our kids if they never experienced any while they were young. Sooner or later, things are not going to go their way. If they don’t know how to handle disappointment, they may not react well. Little doses of reality (you know, realizing every once in awhile that life s***s) builds up the immune system!</p>
<p>xiggi’s gone, too? Methinks we’re probably done here. 'Nite, all.</p>
<p>In the words of Lucy van Pelt, “I don’t want ups and downs. I just want ups and ups.”</p>
<p>Rejection sucks. I’m so glad I didn’t have to experience one.</p>
<p>Rejection is tough, but unfortunately, sooner or later, it happens to everyone - but your reaction is yours to own. A motto I live by in terms of achievements: “There is always someone better than you, and you are always better than someone, and it’s okay.” Life is far more interesting this way.</p>
<p>Ideally, rejections should occur in childhood. Kids who lose races (as well as win), have suboptimal tests (as well as As), not get the big part (as well as having good parts or responsibilities) have the chance to develop steel for life.</p>
<p>That link Carolyn posted was wonderful. Thank you.</p>
<p>I missed all the deleted posts, so I didn’t get to read Bethie’s “worked up” post. Oh well.</p>
<p>^^^It was only ‘worked up’ by Bethie’s standards; I thought it was amusing.</p>
<p>paying3t – I guess I was one of those posters who brought up the idea of bigger problems giving us perspective on the small stuff. I certainly didn’t mean to “guilt” anyone into thinking their problems weren’t important to them. You are absolutely right – pain and suffering are very real to everyone, no matter what their particular situation.
But the very act of sharing does invite others’ responses,
which help in adding perspective – the bigger picture. I find it helps me all the time to put things in perspective and count my blessings. I certainly sweat enough of the small stuff myself that I would never belittle anyone else for doing so.
Here in Chicagoland, we cannot forget the happenings of last week at Northern very quickly. Funerals are happening right around here in surrounding suburbs. I couldn’t help thinking about it after reading DadII’s post, and I don’t think it would hurt or belittle him to think about it, as well.</p>
<p>Great article, Carolyn. It was written in 1990. Has anything changed? I’d say not. The college admissions frenzy now is so much more intense than it was back in 1990!</p>
<p>I think they just wiped out a whole sequence, because leaving sporadic individual posts wouldn’t make sense. Surely bethie was not offensive!</p>
<p>Better that kids learn to take risks (and how to handle the consequences of failure) when they are young, rather then when they are young adults and the repercussions can be life-altering. I really like “The Blessing of a Skinned Knee” for just this reason – the author focuses on resilience as an important trait to teach young children. (The book is geared towards parents of younger kids, and frames the discussion in a Jewish context, which may not be applicable to everyone on the list, but what the author had to say resonated with me.)</p>
<p>it kind of reminds of parents not letting their kids get dirty, or who constantly use anti bacterial stuff for fear of germs, being overly cautious in case their child gets a cold…</p>
<p>this same attitude of never having anything “wrong” carries over to other parts of life, from the physical to the mental</p>
<p>my kids got sick, they mess up, I mess up…but because they did mess up or things didn’t work out and the world still kept turning, they saw that it was good to try and in “failing” other opportunites often present themselves</p>
<p>Wise words CGM!</p>