<p>To answer your question oldfort,</p>
<p>Yes, a girl may respect and love her family, but prefer to spend the nights at BFs home for a variety of reasons (the most obvious of which is wanting to spend time with the BF).
She may also avoid visiting her own home if the visits result in fights about how and with whom she spends her free time.</p>
<p>I guess I don’t agree with that when it comes to my girls. Part of growing up is to be able to balance love life, family, work and friends. I am curious to know how well the daughter is doing in school. Does she have a job while in school? She does seem to have a lot of free time on her hand. I know D1 is very busy with work and EC during the week, she spends most of weekends to catch up on her schoolwork.</p>
<p>Again, I am sorry for offending, but that is what comes to my mind. That is how I view it.
I would also question where the rules/limits have been up to this point.
It is for sure a learning experience for me, never could have imagined such a scenario.
I know that mom loves her daughter dearly, and that this daughter might be a very nice girl, but on the surface it looks differntly - again, to me.</p>
<p>Reading this thread makes me glad that when I went to college, I put thousands of miles between me and my family. There was no question of hurt feelings, disrespect, etc…
I think the OP is upset with her daughter because the daughter does not seem to miss her as much as she is missing the D. All the other issues, in particular settling in in college are just piling on.
Reading about students who don’t seem to be able to cut the apron strings, I think the OP should be thankful that her D has a life of her own.</p>
<p>Kelowna:</p>
<p>Not sufficiently considerate of her mom? perhaps. Though if a fight is what the girl has to look forward to, I can well understand she would want to give her mom a wide berth.</p>
<p>But slut? What an odd description. The girl has a single BF. That seems to be the crux of the problem as far as her mother is concerned, since she would much rather her daughter stay in college and play the field.</p>
<p>Kelowna,
Not a helpful comment to the OP and certainly offensive…not just to her but every mother and every daughter…I guess I am shocked…to date I have found CC community giving helpful advice and comments even if I fundamentally disagreed I felt the intent was good from all types of posters. Yours is destructive and sexist–if I ever heard my child use that term to hurt any woman I would be ashamed to my core. Because that what it is…a term to HURT a woman and in this case you just HURT a loving mother. Shame on you.</p>
<p>Kelowna, I would not let my unmarried kids stay with their partner in the same room in my home whether the kids were 18 or 35. Just the way it is.</p>
<p>But calling someone else’s daughter a slut? </p>
<p>Yikes. And Marite has it right- to be in what appears to be a long term, exclusive, committed relationship seems to be the opposite of promiscuous behavior.</p>
<p>The name calling doesn’t help the OP in my opinion.</p>
<p>And to the OP- if it were me, I would make it a policy not to engage in one on one chats or discussions about the relationship, the D, family dynamics, or anything else with the significant other. Your D needs to be the one to mend fences with you. You need to be the one to extend hospitality to the BF and his family- but it’s not for you and the boy or his mom or anyone else to overstep your daughter’s boundaries.</p>
<p>I think if you decide to be warm and courteous to these people much of the allure of the relationship will start to wane by second semester. Right now the appeal is that they are the anti-Mom. Once Mom becomes a cheerful hostess happy to have the BF and his folks 'round for chili and bingo, they become the bad guys- or just not as exotic and interesting as they were.</p>
<p>What are the boys plans for next year???</p>
<p>Well, it is a strong word. And appearances might be deceiving.
Don’t you think that she might be viewed this way by someone not familar with the entire situation but someone that knows that when she is back in town she stays at the house of another 18 year old while she is an 18 year old herself? Does not go home?
Aren’t we becoming very loose here on personal and family values?
To be thankful that her daughter has a life of her own? Who here would like their kid to live in this way?
OK, I stated my opinion and am getting off this thread before I use some other words that are too strong 
OP - I am sorry if I have offended you . Best of luck to you and your daughter. Hope you can find a solution.</p>
<p>I am not name calling anyone. I have answered this question
</p>
<p>Kelowna-</p>
<p>You have may not have mean to “offend” anyone, but you did. Even if that’s what word “comes to mind” like you say, that was highly inappropriate and disrespectful of the poster and her daughter. Sorry to say, but you’re old enough to know better to keep something like that to yourself. No need to announce it to the board.
And I would NEVER think if someone was spending the weekend with their boyfriend/girlfriend that they were a “slut”- where does that even come from? FRom all you know the OP’s daughter is in a separate bedroom, and her and her boyfriend just watch TV during the day. I’m not saying that that scenario is true, but unless you’re peeking through their bedroom windows at night, I don’t think you know either.</p>
<p>I agree with fineartsmajormom. Your comment will do nothing but hurt. It’s not helpful or relevant.</p>
<p>I can’t help thinking, what kind of parents will let their S’s GF stay over while he is in HS.
I do think OP should try to come to an understanding with her D, by telling her you want to spend time together.
I know it’s hard, but try your best not to let this situation sour your relationship with your child.
Who ever said things get better when kids are older, never had to deal with teenagers.
Give me a toddler any time.</p>
<p>
The kind of parents who don’t think it is a very big deal.
Many of these parents have “morals” and “family values” not that different from yours.
Many were not born or raised in this country.
The “not under my roof” is a very American phenomenon (I am not judging it, just stating the fact).</p>
<p>Kelowna:</p>
<p>Engaging in premarital sex with a long-term boyfriend is not the same thing as being promiscuous–which is what being a slut is. She is not “sleeping around”, for heaven’s sake!</p>
<p>Agree with JHS on speaking with the BF. In 99 percent of these cases it is the girl calling the shots! The BF is likely clueless to all the drama.</p>
<p>Please stop discussing that word. It is so off the wall and absurd it is not worth discussion. There are no words as to how offesnive it is.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant. It’s not the boy’s fault if his parents don’t care.</p>
<p>My hs boyfriend had parents who were the same way. They didn’t care if I stayed over and in fact, if the weather was bad, the mother would offer to call my mother and ask if it was ok if I stayed over. (As you can imagine, I didn’t let THAT one happen - I wasn’t THAT stupid.) But, nonetheless, it wasn’t my boyfriend’s fault that his parents were loosey-goosey about that type of thing.</p>
<p>mom3939 please ignore the ridiculous and take to heart the wonderful posts you have received.</p>
<p>Yes Nngmm, I can’t help thinking what type of parents will want their S’s GF staying over. This is senior year, which typically is a very busy time.<br>
Weekends are usually time to spend working on Apps and keeping up or improving grades.
Pizzagirl, I see your point about the parents, but I am hoping their loosey-goosey behavior, does not extent to their kid’s education.</p>
<p>What does the kid’s education have to do with anything? That’s not the OP’s concern. Her concern is her daughter, not with her daughter’s boyfriend’s education.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I want to go back to this. Your son came home with a gf from across the country, and you had never met the girl? Well, you had to meet her at one point, no? I don’t get the issue. What difference does it make if you met her when you visited son at college versus if she came here with your son?</p>
<p>OP, I am a current HS senior girl. I just want to say that many people in my school sleep (and oftentimes, believe it or not, it’s just sleep) over at their SO houses on weekends. My best friend’s brother constantly had his GF (it was a little extreme-- 2-3 times a week) stay over, in his bed, during last year, both when they were seniors. It depends on what type of household you grow up in. So I don’t think your daughter is unusual or slutty in any way. </p>
<p>I agree with the others who have said to tell her that you miss her. Just ask for a couple of hours with her, back off (there’s nothing more unappetizing than a parent trying to run their freshman’s life [perspective of the freshman]), and try to negotiate. :)</p>