<p>I didn’t read them yet, but after backing off my daughter for a week, she mentioned yesterday she did 2 drafts for 2 different essay topics. I just said, “that’s good, I’m sure you’ll keep tweeking them”. Then I ended it and was proud of myself, when we go out to lunch this week, I’ll ask her about her ideas. I noticed an AP reading book by her computer also…I’ll never be comfortable with her “approaching deadline” approach, but she’s not me and I do admire her, if not always understand her.</p>
<p>S came back from the summer camp a week ago. He was supposed to write his common application short essays during the camp. He did not. hmm.
Now he is busy in his summer job. He got an interesting unpaid internship that is marketing his HS alumna’s family band. He is working on his PC at home, sending promoting e-mails to venues etc. He will know how hard it is to promote musicians.
I will not push him hard, but I think I have to let him know about deadlines of college application things. He is definitely a last minute man. Oh Boy!</p>
<p>Here’s a ray of hope. You could have been describing my son. He actually still has that character. But he is at an extremely academically demanding institution getting all his work done, earning A’s and B’s, and working at an on campus job at the same time.</p>
<p>Sadly, he still hasn’t passed his road test, but he’s trying.</p>
<p>He did get his app’s done. It was no easy feat getting him to do it, but it did all work out.</p>
<p>maybe he’s not working because there’s like 20 applicants or so for every job now</p>
<p>Just because you can’t get a paying job, that doesn’t mean you do nothing. My D couldn’t get a job, but she found an internship with a woman who is going to be making an independany film-my daughter has learned about film making, the equipment, contracts, the different jobs, how to set up location shots, the permits required, how to get permission to use songs for the sound track, how to get the costumes, product placement.</p>
<p>You can do so much thats interesting and fun, even if times are tough, That’s just a cop out.</p>
<p>What my daughter is learning and doing now wil; he;p her get a job down the road, will give her skills she never would have gotten if she just hung out, she met people.</p>
<p>I know a girl who volunteered at a food bank, and as a senior helped them with their newsletter- learning about distribution ,editing, and more. </p>
<p>Another boy helped an elderly lady by painting her purch. Just did it to be kind.</p>
<p>So, not having a job because there are so many applicants, well, yes that is hard, but if one ever want to get work, if you have done SOMETHING, you have a leg up on those that have done nada.</p>
<p>I am seeing quite a few posting here saying, “My son is pretty much doing that right now, but he went to a band camp, he did this <em>__, he is going to do this </em>.” That is different than what OP is saying what her son has done this summer - computer game, FB and visiting friends. Everyone takes some time to relax, but not for months at a time. I don’t buy this of letting them do what they want either because they are “adults.” No they are not, they are on their way. If they were so grown up, why are we still supporting them? Our job is to try to help them to become independent, that means they may need a little bit of kick in the butt every once in a while.</p>
<p>Summer before senior year is crucial. If your kid has worked hard for 4+ years, it would be a shame to drop the ball now. Unfortunately there are a few things in college process that’s hard to re-do. </p>
<p>I see my role as a personal trainer (coach) to my kids, when my kids are at the final stretch and feel they couldn’t do it any more, my job is to help them to give it a final push to reach their finishing line. In the last two years in college, D1 has continued to call me whenever she felt overwhelmed about her schoolwork. And I continue to play the role of being her coach - get her into the right mental state (to have enough confidence) to do what she needs to do. By doing nothing when one is overwhelmed or scared is not an option. Every kid is different (my two kids are very different), but I know them better than anyone now, that’s why I am able to give them what they need. Someday I hope they’ll find a different personal trainer.</p>
<p>to the OP - have you actually ASKED him what he plans on accomplishing during the rest of the summer and what steps he has taken to do it? (Forgive me if you answered that in a subsequent post).</p>
<p>I was getting quite frustrated with my DS because I had SPECIFICALLY asked him to look over the websites of a few schools on his list so that we could try to plan one more college visit before summer ended. There is only time for 1 school, so he had to make a decision as to which he thought would be best to see. </p>
<p>I hadn’t heard a word from him…then the other night at dinner when I mentioned it again - he said that he had looked at the schools and decided that he wanted to visit School A.</p>
<p>So, while I thought he was goofing around (Facebook, TV, video games) - he actually HAD done what I had asked him to do. Go figure!!!</p>
<p>OP,
SAT study should be done the week before taking exam, otherwise it is waste of time, imo. D. did not do well on SAT, PSAT was bad, but she did reasonable well on ACT (33) by studying 1 hour/day for a week prior to exam. I always let her relax during summer, she works so hard during school year. Maybe your son feels the same.</p>
<p>I was referring to the posts that he should be working to help pay-my daughter has been a hospital volunteer for 2 yrs which pays in many ways just not monetary</p>
<p>MiamiDAP: 33 is way beyond reasonably well. Congratulations to your D.</p>
<p>we signed up for Princeton Review so she has homework, she does do volunteer work about 5-10 hours/week, she works at an icecream stand, and she is a dancer so she has to practice or work out. Sounds like she does a lot BUT>>>>I hear about it constantly eye rolling, etc. VISIT HIS FIRST CHOICE COLLEGE. The only way she can go their is with scholarship, thus all the extra stuff. We drove through and visited her “C” schools- now she is motivated!</p>
<p>Good luck- I can tell you just want the best for him!</p>
<p>I’m clearly a bad parent – when my son went through his “I need to play games and chillax with friends this summer” phase before senior year, I let him have it. I knew that fall semester would be very high pressure. Most of the way through the summer, he’d had enough relaxing, finished up his school summer work, and started a few essay drafts. He ended up with a full ride at his dream school. </p>
<p>At the time, it made me a little crazy to be hands-off, but I also have the advantage of seeing a similar model for work/life balance all around me, in the Silicon Valley. I have plenty of friends who work really hard, and then take time for themselves and do very little at all. </p>
<p>Add this to my other bad parent traits: supporting my children in choosing not to learn to drive because they’re committed to using public transit, and not wanting them to spend summers at home during college. Oh yeah, and I’m also a bad academic example, because I’m a full time undergraduate Comparative Religious Studies major. <em>There’s</em> a useful degree. <em>grin</em></p>
<p>^^^^^^^Well your wonderfully supportive approach has definitely yielded sweet fruit. Congratulations and congratulations on happy results and a happy family. You knew the kids you were dealing with and you were able to read their needs. Good for you.</p>
<p>It’s funny how a topic we’ve been discussing at home usually shows up on CC the next day!!</p>
<p>We have a rising junior. She made a long list of all the stuff she had to do over the summer - including studying for the PSAT/SAT, making headway on some of the stuff she has to learn for her different music instruments, working on improvements in her two sports etc etc - all this in addition to her summer assigned studying for English and AP Classes.</p>
<p>We are more than halfway through the summer - and very little has been accomplished on this list. Dad and Mom are incredibly frustrated - we know she has very little “free” time once school starts to work on all this. But she is volunteering at a camp for the past six weeks and is putting in full long days there. Comes home tired and wants to chill - hang out with friends, read a book (not an assigned one!) or catch a movie. It’s hard to say no to all of this - but we keep seeing week after week slip by without much progress on the loong list she made originally. </p>
<p>Of late, we only get the eye-roll and then she disappears into her room. It does feel like the more we nag her about these, she just retreats - and doesn’t want to communicate any more. We talk about cutting back, not saying anything, just letting her be - and we can be pretty good about this for a while (a little while!!)…we need to be better at this. She’s a good student, has been great about juggling all her responsibilities thus far - we need to give her more credit and trust that she’ll get her priorities right…</p>
<p>mythmom: I think what I’m saying is not “My kid is unique in not needing to do lots of activities and prep work the summer before senior year.” What I’m saying is that the world does not end if a student gets burned out or even avoids getting burned out by slacking for a while. One thing my children <em>may</em> be unique about is spending a lot of time listening to their friends who have been constantly pressured to complete another activity, take another test, <em>achieve</em> something in every spare minute. </p>
<p>This spring, a nearby town had an outbreak of kids throwing themselves in front of trains, right around AP test time. These were kids at one of the top rated schools in our very big state, who were constantly under pressure to perform, who were working all the time to get into top tier schools. It got so bad, parents had to set up informal safety patrols by the tracks to prevent it reoccuring. And you know what? I bet any of the parents who no longer have that teenager to hug or talk to would love to have them back, sitting at home playing video games or talking on a cell phone.</p>
<p>My brother’s family lives in that town and I have heard of it. I think it is a bit unfair to put the blame on those kids parents on what happened to those kids. Is it really due to those parents pushing, or due to other outside factors. It doesn’t make someone a better parent because one’s kid happens to be one of those million of kids that didn’t commit suicide.</p>
<p>I didn’t say that it was due to parents pushing. But given the timing, pretty much everyone here thinks it was related to the stress that high achieving students feel to perform. I think that stress is endemic to the entire college application system – something that has been discussed on CC over and over again. What I do think is true is that if someone says “My kid is refusing to keep working and achieving!” that “You just have to make them work! Do what you have to! This summer is critical!” is not the only possible answer.</p>
<p>francie12–One of the toughest parts of parenthood can be knowing when to push and when to step back. There are no easy answers, and what works for one child may be a bad plan for another.</p>
<p>But it sounds to me like your son’s head must be spinning from all the items on his to-do list … from test prep to volunteering to learner’s permit, etc. Sure, some kids seem to manage all of it fluidly. Yet it’s easy to see how others may get a gander at those bullet items and beat a hasty retreat to Facebook. </p>
<p>So my advice is to have your son pick one thing and tell him that he has to do it, starting tomorrow. Don’t worry too much about which task he picks. Bite your tongue and say nothing, even if it’s your last choice, as long as he’s doing something. And you may find that once he gets going, he’ll build up some momentum and start chipping away at the others, too.</p>
<p>Well, I went into his room today, Driver’s Manual in hand, sat down on the bed, uninvited, and began to point out which sections of the test were sure to be on the Learner’s Permit test. After some initial passive resistance, he began to become interested in what I was saying, even offering his own remarks. When we reached a good moment, I just told him that if he studied for the short time I would be at work today, I could pick him up after and drive him to the DMV for the test. He said…(drumroll)…“OK.”</p>
<p>So, a bit of progress has been made. He volunteers for three hrs once a week at the senior center and spends the rest of the time learning to drive with me and hopefully making up and distributing fliers to restart his tutoring business. DH will have to be the one to get him going on the tutoring and doing the SAT prep, maybe closer to when school starts. I guess app essay questions will have to wait until it feels closer to last minute. </p>
<p>Expectations I had for the summer severely altered! But maybe it will all turn out for the best… After he is accepted to the college he plans to attend, maybe I’ll revive this thread so people can see what the outcome was of a summer that did not go according to parental plan!</p>
<p>Many thanks for all the generous input!</p>
<p>PSAT/SAT discrepancy doesn’t seem plausible to me.</p>