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<p>???</p>
<p>can you clarify? You’re currently at DePaul, and you’re NOT commuting from home? Are you saying you are currently living in an off-campus apt with your dad? And, furthermore, if you transfer to a better school, your dad is going to move you and him to another apt? And your mom is living at home somewhere???</p>
<p>Please clarify. Thanks!!</p>
<p>They’re mad enough to put you in purgatory. I suspect some of us had the “Why didn’t I think of that?” moment.
You don’t want Dad to live with you. Be glad it’s not Mom. That would be much harder to explain.</p>
<p>Alright at DePaul right now I commute from home, but it is a long commute. When I go to the better school in the Spring my dad is going to have to live with me at a off campus apartment. I haven’t gotten a sublease yet for an apartment or signed any on campus living contract at the Better school. My mom lives at home right now and works with my dad. I assume my dad will take a few business trips here and there but he has delegated that to a few people under him I guess.</p>
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<p>By “smacked” do you mean your mother actually hit you or do you mean she badgered you to give more details?</p>
<p>A few times she did hit me, but other times is almost abusive yelling. She is deeply disturbed I guess so I didn’t think too much of it. </p>
<p>You really can’t figure out how to keep your parents off your accounts? Buy a new phone for yourself and use the one your parents supply for your business and your own for social? Use FB for your business but something else for your friends.My kids do all this and actually prefer other social media sites like Tumblr, or snap chat. One has blocked me from her facebook (which you can do without the parent knowing), and then wonders why I don’t know this or that about her life. She’s also changed her college account password so I can’t get in. I don’t care but can’t pay her tuition in January, so she’s going to learn it wasn’t such a good idea to do that. </p>
<p>What are you trying to hide on your FB or text messages? You say you are on the straight and narrow now, so what’s the big deal? You say your parents ‘invade your privacy’ but I don’t think you realize you have no right to privacy if you are living in their house, talking on their phone, going to school on their dime. If you want privacy, go out on your own. I do grant my kids some privacy, but they have always been aware that the phones, computers, TV, cars, etc. all belong to me and I pay the bills and I set the rules.</p>
<p>I think you are making problems where they don’t exist. Don’t want your parents running your life? Leave. Earn your own money, pay for your own college. Otherwise, it’s their money and they set the rules. You have a right to be mad about it, but it seems like it is a ‘take it or leave it’ deal; you can 1) live at home and commute, 2) live with your dad and go to the other school, or 3) move out and leave the money behind.</p>
<p>I can just about guarantee that no one at the new school will give a rip about you living with your dad. For all they know or care, your dad has lived in that town for years, and you’ve moved in with him because it is cheaper than the dorm.</p>
<p>Separate your FB and other social media accounts that have to do with your business from the ones you have just for socializing. That is just plain smart business. Then if you need to shut down the “fun” accounts and go to pure voice telephone calls to communicate with your friends, your customers won’t be wondering what happened to you.</p>
<p>I agree with @PERplexD. What your parents have proposed is not workable and really does not help you in the long run. What you need now is an opportunity to prove to yourself, and secondarily to them, that you have gotten your act together. From the tone of your posts I perceive that you have learned from your experience. I believe in second chances especially for teenagers.</p>
<p>I like the idea of the letter because I think it is your best chance of getting your parents to hear you out. Keep it short and to the point. Tell them you would rather take a year off and concentrate on your side business if your only other alternative is to live with your father. Cut a deal that after that year, if you have shown them you are responsible then you can go away to school on your own. My bet is that they will not want you taking any time off from school and might let you give it a go next Spring on your own. But you have to be firm in your stand that you will not live with your dad in an off campus apartment. </p>
<p>Everyone makes mistakes. They need to let you own up to them (which you appear to have done) and get on with your life. All this is just part of the process of growing up and transitioning from being a boy to being a man.</p>
<p>Many kids don’t realize the potential outcomes of their actions. Hosting a party where there is underage drinking and drug use is a criminal offense. One of your buds leaves your place while under the influence and crashes? Guess what your parents have no insurance coverage should they be sued. So their life’s work and accumulation of assetts is put on the line because " all kids do it"?
Many kids also don’t realize the financial sacrifices that parents make to pay for their child’s education, what they do without so their children have certain educational opportunities.
My suggestion is you abide by their rules or go out on your own and do it all yourself. </p>
<p>College students do live at home to save money. What you are embarrassed about is the circumstances under which you are living with your Dad, but nobody at your new school would know this, or even that your parents are still together. You could simply be a student living with his dad, and yes, that is so much less embarrassing than living with mom. </p>
<p>Unless your parents are not happily married, and looking forward to living apart, this is not an ideal situation for them. I think at the moment, they are angry, and have reason to, but I can’t imagine that this is a situation that they want to have indefinitely either.</p>
<p>A letter is one way to communicate with them, but also consider if they are receptive to one. If they are angry right now, they may not be able to process it at the moment. It seems that you have two choices with them- go to college on their terms or go out on your own. </p>
<p>If you choose the college route- your dad can not possibly watch you 24/7 if he has other work to do. When you are on campus, you will have time between classes, you will need to eat, and you will have clubs and study groups- all opprortunities to meet people and have time to yourself. If you give your dad nothing to see or be concerned about, then he may give you more freedom. You may also be in a better positition to discuss living on your own after you have proven yourself to them and they aren’t as angry. </p>
<p>You are running a business? I missed that part. </p>
<p>If this whole,thing is a true issue. Just rent your own place and plan to pay ALL of your own bills.</p>
<p>I wonder what kind of business that he has things to hide ?
I can understand a person in a normal case wanting to have his privacy but this is not a normal case. He wants to establish trust and he needs more advice to hide more things?
This is not going down a good path.</p>
<p>Some of the parents here are also mixing advices to the kid with advices to his parents.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t do it the same way his parents are doing it but this is not my kid and this is the way they are handling it, the kid needs to deal with it straight up.</p>
<p>… instead of going around their rules. </p>
<p>Ditto what @Pennylane2011 said. I am a mom of two college aged daughters, but when I was a high schooler, I lived under very strict immigrant parents. It was “follow the rules at all costs”. I did as they said, although my younger sister pushed the envelope a lot and life was hard for her until she realized that she just needed to follow the rules. </p>
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<p>Ok…here are your stats from your other thread. Please keep your facts straight. Your GPA is 2.9, not 3.5. And that includes you CC credits where you say you did very well. What was your actual GPA at OSU? Clearly…lower than 2.9 if Dupage was higher.</p>
<p>Your HS ACT score won’t matter at all. You are a transfer student who has completed 1 1/2 years of college.</p>
<p>Which of the above “prestigious” public universities have you gotten accepted to? </p>
<p>You are only an instate resident for ONE of these places…and I would guess it is Illinois. The others are VERY pricey for OOS students. Consider yourself lucky that your parents are willing to pay the cost for you to attend…period.</p>
<p>And “got ill during your spring term”? Is this when you had the drinking and drug problems? That is what you have said on THIS thread. </p>
<p>I am having trouble believing anything you are posting here…because the facts don’t align from thread to thread. </p>
<p>My parents clamped down on me when my older sister rebelled, so I understand the pain of controlling parents - and I didn’t even do anything to be put under house arrest!</p>
<p>The way I see it, you have a few options.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You can snub your nose at their offer, move out and have your freedom. Short term benefit of freedom for possible (probable) long-term problems, either drug/alcohol addiction or financial struggling because you can’t find a good job without the degree.</p></li>
<li><p>You can turn down their offer and try to figure out how to pay for college on your own. </p></li>
<li><p>You can accept their offer and live by their rules and get to graduate college without the burden of debt.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I feel like your embarrassment at living with your dad is a sign of immaturity. Lots of people live with their parents over the age of 18. If you should be embarrassed about anything, I would be embarrassed about getting out of control with drugs and alcohol. I think you have a need for external validation that is not helpful. Sit down and think about what kind of life you want to have, and which of these options will best help you achieve that life. </p>
<p>Would living on campus in substance-free housing satisfy your parents? </p>
<p>Parents shouldn’t smack their kids! period! Now that you’re an adult, you need to make it clear that she cannot touch you. It is an arrest-able offense. Adults are never permitted to place their hands on the other. Some states are ok with a little swat on the fanny for kids, but there is no state that allows swats to other adults.</p>
<p>You can privately open another FB account to handle any business matters. Your parents don’t need to know about those. There is no rule that a person can only have 1 FB account. So, have more than one.</p>
<p>I would not close the main FB acct because your parents will look for another. Keep the primary one, put occasional updates, but open a new one without your last name or put a fake name, and NO IDENTIFYING PICS, and make it PRIVATE, so that only your friends can see it.</p>
<p>Lastly, can you write more clearly? Your earlier post made it appear that you are currently in an apt with your dad. Please use the correct verbiage so we know whether something is past, present or future.</p>
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<p>No, you don’t. You WILL live at a … or We plan to live at a …</p>
<p>I still don’t think that the dad will last long in the apt. Most men who love their wives do not want to be away from them for long periods of time. Maybe he’s thinking that you’ll all spend weekends at home? If so, you may want to get involved with study groups, etc, that won’t permit going home. </p>
<p>Your major is CS, right? Well, typically CS majors have to spend a good bit of time in a lab…even on weekends. Have your parents realized that? </p>