<p>I think the OP should explain the discrepancies between threads before people continue to give advice.</p>
<p>I think the OP should explain the discrepancies in the threads before people keep giving advice.</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids Alright at DePaul right now I commute from home, but it is a long commute. When I go to the better school in the Spring my dad is going to have to live with me at a off campus apartment. I haven’t gotten a sublease yet for an apartment or signed any on campus living contract at the Better school. My mom lives at home right now and works with my dad. I assume my dad will take a few business trips here and there but he has delegated that to a few people under him I guess. Thanks for being more respectful than the others on this post.</p>
<p>See my parents did their full Masters degrees in Engineering and they know that weekend work is very rare as a CS major. Also my dad made it clear that I can’t really study in groups or get frequent meals with people. Basically my only friend at the University would be my dad.</p>
<p>Also to any others trying to make speculations about why I don’t want my parents to read my facebook or text messages. No I am not hiding anything thats why I haven’t gotten trouble to this day. Although the moment my mom thinks its ok to impersonate me on Facebook and message my friends thats where I draw the line. I am 19 freaking years old and well I like to talk about things with my friends I don’t want to talk about in front of my mom such as girls and what not. Would you want your mom to read your group chats with your friends about girls and BRO talk. Like its just plain wrong honestly. My business is fine, I can run it from text message also but its just the Facebook presence some clients like.</p>
<p>@Thumper1 Do you want me to show you proof of my GPA? I can very well send you some transcripts. I was doing a hypothetical situation if my grades were like that. Also if it concerns you so much I qualify for instate tuition in the state of Indiana since my start up company is based in Indiana and my business partners and I had made a case to the state saying we impact the state positively so we should qualify for instate tuition. As for any of my acceptances thats none of your business.</p>
<p>I think I may ride it out and live with my dad for a while, but I am not going to enjoy it. Like my mom talks to other moms and gets these awful ideas really. </p>
<p>As a kid my mom had nurtured me a lot, but I am her first child and she had me young. My parents think that even having one drink is considered alcoholism since they don’t drink themselves. Like perhaps you guys are over analyzing my situation but I will admit I did drink and try things, but I also should say that I feel very sorry for it and wish I could take it all back. </p>
<p>I’d try and look at all the positives about sharing an apartment with your father. First since he will be living there he might be willing to pay for a nicer apartment, more amenities, higher quality of food. Since he’ll be in the apartment all day when you are in class he can help with the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping. I agree with Mom2collegekids, I think your dad will get board after a few weeks and once he sees you are seriously studying he’ll go back to live with your mom and you’ll be left with a nicer apartment than you would have had otherwise.</p>
<p>Maybe your parents perceive your resistance to sharing an apartment with your dad as proof that you want to do things that they would not approve of? Maybe they will back off a bit if your are more accepting of the idea of sharing an apartment with your dad?</p>
<p>As for privacy for e-mail, txt and social media it’s not private period! Just warn your friends that your parents have access and they should not make comments that they won’t want your parents to read. Also warn them that your mom’s a little crazy and may message them. My daughter had a friend in sophomore year of high school who’s mom would send messages to both D and <em>me</em> from her daughter’s account pretending to be her daughter, she was nuts! </p>
<p>I feel like you people focus on the negatives, but I am not the screw up you guys are making me out to be. At college yes I did partake in going to parties and what not because thats just what undergraduates do, but along the way I messed up and took everything way too far. If I could take by my decisions I would, but I can’t. I guess I only have a few options, but can people on this page stop thinking I was some type of kingpin. </p>
<p>Also if my type of business concerns you so much basically I run 2 start up company’s and got out of one last Spring. I dont care if my parents read my business emails, but it can be annoying for them to think they run my company. </p>
<p>Look if you guys were kids once would you want your mom listening in on your Bro talk or gal talk? I know she wants to know what I am up to, but honestly if I sit at home all day I am not up to anything but on my laptop. </p>
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<p>What is DISRESPECTFUL is not being honest when people are trying to give you advice. It’s perfectly fine for someone to ask you to explain discrepancies in your threads. If you’re describing a “hypothetical situation,” you need to state that upfront.</p>
<p>This is a crazy scenario all around.</p>
<p>I don’t think any of us parents would have liked to have our parents living with us at college or looking at our private conversations with peers. (no FB then), but we all had to deal with the rules our parents set for us, whatever they were, and some parents were stricter than others. I also think we see this situation differently now that we are parents and with many of us paying the bills for college.</p>
<p>We are not focusing on the negative, but the problem and possible solutions. We can’t advise your parents- they aren’t asking for advice, but you are. Also, you can not make your parents change so you need to do the best you can with the choices you have. </p>
<p>Families have different opinions about alcohol. For some, it is against their culture and religion, for others, it isn’t. Regardless of different attitudes- drinking under 21 is illegal, so is driving under the influence or providing alcohol for underage people. Some kinds of drinking may not be illegal, but it could be irresponsible.</p>
<p>Probably all people your age want to have the freedom of being an adult. However, that freedom comes with being responsible. Students think that just because they are 18 they can do what they want, but that kind of freedom comes when they are self supportive. Your parents are setting the conditions for which they will pay for college. </p>
<p>Right now, you are not in a good position to ask for more if you accept their offer, but if you show them that you are genuinely responsible, don’t give them reason not to trust you, don’t sneak around, then after a while you could be in a position to ask for more freedom. Regardless, if you get through college, get a good job, and are independent, you will have your freedom. Your parents are not putting you in an endless trap by giving you the chance to get an education. It just isn’t a pleasant one for the moment. </p>
<p>I never have driven under the influence because I know that is irresponsible, but you are right I am not in the most adventitious spot right now. All I have to do is work to earn their trust back. In many ways they are only good parents because they take so many measures. I do have a old friend who had a legitimate drug problem going into college and his parents still let him go by himself even though me and my friends knew he would **** his life up badly. Like my parents are not evil or malicious, but they care about me. They show it in different ways.</p>
<p>Just go forward with the plan. </p>
<p>I don’t know where your parents get the idea that Eng’g and CS students don’t have things to do on weekends!!??? That is NOT true. </p>
<p>Did they go to undergrad here in the US??</p>
<p>Like from my experience in the first two years they know for a fact that I have group projects that can be done by email and during the week meetings. They know I have to study. Their plan was to drive home every weekend, but I might try to bargain with them saying I can come home every weekend my self from Friday Afternoon to Sunday night. They both did their graduate degrees here at Illinois Institute of Technology and Marquette, but they know that most classes are set up in a manner so students can’t make excuses about weekends. </p>
<p>As noted by many others…you can limit your current FB page to a very limited audience. You can then start another FB page for the communications you need to have. </p>
<p>With regard to reading your text messages…keep your phone in your possession at all times…and read and immediately delete texts. Not hard to do.</p>
<p>There are a ton of people who live on the Illinois border IN Illinois…who work in Indiana. We know more than a handful. They pay taxes in Indiana, but the reality is that they are Illinois residents. They do NOT qualify for instate tuition status in Indiana…YMMV, of course. They contribute to the Indiana economy as well. </p>
<p>As I see it, if you want your parents to pay your bills, you need to play by their rules.</p>
<p>But if you are a successful business owner, who is contributing positively to the economy of Indiana, you perhaps have the income to go it alone. </p>
<p>OP, you have brought up a point here- your parents love you and care about you. While not all of us parents might handle this situation the same way, you are aware that imposing some restrictions/accountability is better than just letting it go.</p>
<p>Sometimes what parents see as love could be enabling, as may have been the case with your friend’s drug problem. I get the sense from your posts that you do have a good idea of what isn’t good for you, you wish to do well in school, and also do right for your parents. So while the topic of the thread is the mistakes you made, your stregnths do show through.</p>
<p>It is is natural to be distressed about your loss of autonomy, but I think you know what to do to hopefully gain it back.</p>
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It’s not the friends who did it.</p>
<p>We have two kids in college. One is on the very extended plan because she screwed up royally in her first year. She didnt think what she did was so bad, either, because she wasn’t all drugged out and working the streets or anything. You don’t want us to view what you did as so terrible, but you did screw up. Just because you could have screwed up more doesn’t mean you didn’t blow it. You earned your parents’ distrust.</p>
<p>Daughter has hit several bumps along the way trying to earn her way back. At almost 23, she is maturing and finally committed to her education but for a time, she was taking classes at the local CC and working or interning. We would not pay for college if she was not there to do her work. Her friends from high school graduated last year. She still has 3 more semesters to go. This very extended plan has become too extended so were are having to tough love it again and have let her know she will have to start paying for her remaining courses after we have paid for the equivalent of one degree. (she didnt bother to get her CC or online course credit hours transferred to her high end college). </p>
<p>What you need to keep in mind is that you are not owed anything by your parents. Your generation has been provided for a lot and wherever the fault lies, there is a sense of entitlement. If you were in college and being a responsible student, this conversation would not be happening. You weren’t responsible. You were immature. A lot of kids are and a lot screw up. Your parents don’t owe you the right to party.Do your parents pay for your cell phone? Then they have the right to use it/view it. Being 18 or 19 gives you legal rights, but as long as they are paying for something, the ball is rightfully in their court. Pay for your own phone-privacy is yours. BUT…you should be having conversations that you would be willing to have in front of your parents. Bro talk, gal talk-whatever. Forget the secret life. Nothing to be gained by wanting secrecy.</p>
<p>I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear but so you know, you are not alone. A lot of kids have screwed up and as a result a lot have suffered consequences under their parents rule. You are in control more than it might seem. You may continue to work on being a better student and responsible young adult, and have them pay your way, OR you may move out on your own dime, and do school and life however you want to. Good luck to you. The fact that you have stuck out this conversation shows you have some maturity. Keep it going.</p>
<p>theeLP: Your parents are not going to change. They are very controlling. It’s probably a cultural difference that you’ll have to deal with it for the rest of your life. You need to make a amicable break now. and stand your ground.Tell your Dad that you are going to live in an apartment off-campus alone and you will pay for it yourself. </p>
<p>Can you swing that? You said you started a business with several partners. How much money do you make? Can you afford tuition and living in an apartment. If you can’t pay for it now, can you save money to pay your expenses. </p>
<p>My parents were immigrants and very controlling. The only way I got any independence was to get married in college–I was 20–way too young. I wish I had just stood up to my folks rather than taking the easy way out.</p>
<p>Also, it sounds like your mother is very troubled–hitting an adult child is totally unacceptable. </p>
<p>Trust me, you need to make a break. Your parents may be upset at first, but they’ll come around.</p>
<p>I’m wondering if you regret asking for some parent’s advice! I have a few thoughts. 1) you need to respect your parents beliefs and attitudes. You are not the first generation person to deal with “old world” parents. They can only operate from what they know. 2) It sounds like you maybe enjoyed the fun parts of college a little too much. While the “college experience” is great, many students don’t get that privilege. College is about learning and getting a degree. You are not entitled to a “college experience”. 3) Have a good attitude and try this arrangement with your dad. But I do think you need to help them understand that group work and interacting with other students is part of learning. I would bet that your school has some advisers who would be willing to work with you and your parents to work through some options. 4) Do well and prove to your parents that you are there for the right reasons. </p>
<p>But eventually, your parents need to give you some space. I really don’t want to know what my kids are doing at school every day. Again, some family counseling would be very helpful. Perhaps you have some family friends who appreciate your parent’s culture but are a little more in tune with college students who could help you find a counselor and encourage your parents to participate? Or a family member or friend who could talk with them? </p>
<p>At the end of the day, you will be better off having a good education. If it turns out that you don’t get the “college experience” too, that’s unfortunate but you still have a college education and a chance to get a job (maybe in another city!) and can enjoy what young adulthood has to offer. The “college experience” can be a little overrated. </p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Ryan…read the thread. This student messed up at Ohio State University. He no longer attends that school. He took summer classes at Dupage Community College and is now at DePaul, I think. He is transferring to a “prestigious” public university. His home state is Illinois, and he claims he gets instate status in Indiana. So there you go…UIUC or Purdue. He says he also applied to Michigan, and Wisconsin.</p>
<p>Many people believe there are states with multiple prestigious universities. People on CC may not think so, but those living in the state think Michigan/MSU, Oregon/OSU, Florida/FSU, Arizona/ASU, Colorado/CSU, with the ‘SU’ being very well respected. Many of these ‘SU’ schools are very prestigious in a particular field like geology or fisheries or even education in that state.</p>
<p>I would say UCLA and UCB are both prestigious publics in CA. And I believe UVA and WM are both prestigious in VA. </p>