<p>and Va Tech, too, but we digress…</p>
<p>I agree one choice OP has is to man up. But face it, that includes just going with the parents’ ideas and finishing the darned education. The rest of it is spilled milk, water under the bridge, damage done. Even this business of going to four different colleges is odd. </p>
<p>We get a lot of younger posters who protest things are unfair. Some, from the get go, and some, after they themselves screwed up. OP can set his priorities. Move forward. Life is tough. You can throw out all your advantages to make a protest or you can get real. </p>
<p>Lol these are a lot of different opinions, but interesting opinions none the less. Right now my start up company doesn’t produce enough revenue per month for me to pay for my own tuition. Like this month I am only going to make up to 1500 or 2000. Although I am just working to get enough money to pay back my parents for money I borrowed and dorm fees if anything. I am not protesting about what I did was ok because I actually feel pretty dirty about lying to my parents. See I love my parents as corny as it is to say. They are the people who have given me anything I have wanted, but at times taking those things comes with strings attached. Like a sophomore I befriended my freshman year put it perfectly “You just had a crazy freshman year with all the freedom”. Please don’t twist this quote, but it actually has nothing with drinking or drugs but rather my childish naive personality. See I loved to prank and mess with people, but I guess that quote kinda summed up what I was.
I
@Kamoto I totally agree with you, but where is the money going to come to pay for those outrageous universities. Even I know that I don’t have the grades to get into those universities. I may have good extracurriculars and a strong desire to learn than receive a grade getting into Harvard in Boston would be far from reality right now. If I even got in I couldn’t afford it without taking some help from my parents. See I really do believe what you are saying is true about growing up and shake off mommy and daddy because I don’t want to grow up to be the Seymore Skinner from the Simpsons who lives in his mothers basement. I guess at the moment it makes more sense to let my dad live with me for maybe 2 weeks and he’ll get bored realizing nothing is happening and go back home to my mom, but I am always open to maybe calling their bluff or talking some arrangement out. My parents can be hasty but maybe you guys should also know where they are coming from. My mom’s dad died when she was 15 years old and she was left to take of my grandmother and her little brother, and for a large portion of my mom’s dad’s life he was an “alcoholic”". My dad also had a dad who was an “alcoholic”. They both came from reasonably wealthy families and their dad’s were not abusive, but they said it was a bit more traumatic than anything to see their fathers drink such a large amount of alcohol and act drunk. </p>
<p>I want to break free, but I guess I have to go through a few more hoops to get freedom maybe. Personally my parents ( most particularly my dad) think they are entitled to my life. I just want to have some normal college experience. </p>
<p>Really, OP. This guy would have you go off with nothing in your pocket…to prove what? That you take risks? Yeah, you’d be risking time to get a 4th or 5th college set up and grades while you try to support yourself. I personally think the hard spot isn’t living with Dad for a while, but explaining 4 different colleges. You can decide how much independence you need, in 2-3 years. </p>
<p>People who control the purse strings, call the shots. Unless you are willing to start saving so you can pay your own way, you aren’t going to break free of your parents. If you can’t pay your own way, you have no options other than to follow the rules that your parents set down for you. </p>
<p>People shouldn’t really count Summer classes for 8 weeks at a community colllege as me attending the school. Also DePaul was only for a quarter. </p>
<p>You attended all of those schools. I interviewed new employees for years. We required transcripts from ALL colleges. In my work area, if you were found to lie and somehow got a job, it was grounds for immediate dismissal.</p>
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<p>Obviously! 
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<p>This post isn’t a prank…</p>
<p>@theeliteps3 </p>
<p>As a parent myself, sometimes I worry about my children. I think they are starting to get into a lot of sexual action, one time I ran into my S doing some inapprioprate action in the attic, and as he is an easily embarrassed child describing thoughts of unusual sex acts with a teacher. I am so worried about my child, because in Boston College (where he is applying) there are many religious beliefs as well as the fact that there is so much more freedom, so I am worried he will run off to join a burlesque crew (as they are rife in Boston.)</p>
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<li>Concerned B-mom </li>
</ul>
<p>@theeliteps3
For the record, you can’t get out of your behavior by stating that “it’s the normal college experience” or that “all undergrads drink and party”.
College is what you make it, I know people who haven’t had a sip of alcohol their entire college experience, and some that were pretty much slammed since day 1. Saying that your behavior was “normal” is simply an excuse to try to avoid the problem. </p>
<p>With that being said, it genuinely sounds like you want to make an effort to improve yourself, and that is quite respectable. </p>
<p>Okay, so you messed up and different parents do have different reactions. If your grades are truly a 3.5 you didn’t mess up academically but its your social life that they did not approve of. So your two choices are to go out on your own and get away or deal with your parents until you graduate. I imagine you will choose the second option. Your parents threat to watch over you until you are married is definitely a control issue that will come to a head either now or when you graduate. You are going to make a choice one day to either live your life or theirs. </p>
<p>Either your parents are requesting your phone each day to read through the messages or they have software installed whereby they are intercepting the messages. Since you have funds of your own get your own cell phone. I agree with you that your parents reading all your messages is in invasion of your privacy just as it would have been if our generation’s parents taped all our phone calls. </p>
<p>In terms of transferring colleges, will it delay your graduation? I would think graduating as quickly as possible might be the better option whereby you gain your independence. </p>
<p>Not really. I will still graduate in the same if I were to stay at DePaul. The way I look at it is that I am paying less to get a better degree if I go to the State school. Ironically the state school I am going to is better than OSU where I originally went. I figure a better degree will at least get me to a good first job preferably traveling, in California(SC), or make better connections to get my Start up connected with good VCs. See my parents have this thing where they will help me with my start up in terms of money and connecting with their friends who are VCs, but its almost like making a deal with the devil. Its just a list that would keep on building up. I sorta just want to get out as soon as possible after hearing these posts. </p>
<p>How would it cost less to go to UIUC or Purdue if you ALSO have to rent a 2BR apt for you and dad to live in? That, alone is going to cost a good bit of money.</p>
<p>Yes, you’re commuting to a private, but it would seem that the cost of a public PLUS the rent and associated costs of an apt would make the whole process more expensive.</p>
<p>HEY…I just had a thought…once your parents “do the math” and see how much a 2BR apt is, plus furnishing it, plus monthly expenses of internet, cable, electricity, and maybe water…they may nix the idea of dad living with you and have you share an apt with someone. Any chance of that happening? Have your parents “run the numbers” for all the costs? </p>
<p>OP, I am a father and I for one don’t think you messed up at all in experimenting. I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about and I cringe at the thought of you living with your father at college.</p>
<p>Frankly your parents seem abusive. Their actions are beyond reasonable. </p>
<p>I would look at this whole process as a terrible disease with which you must suffer through and do your best but once you have your degree, you need to make a clean break, move and get a restraining order if need be to keep your parents out of your private life. </p>
<p>Fantasize about the life you want and when you can, do what you can to get it. </p>
<p>NFN, my brother started doing drugs and failing out of school, so my parents stopped paying for him to live on campus and gave him the choice to live at home and commute or quit. He lived at home his fourth and fifth years of college, and managed to graduate.</p>
<p>If the OP was my son: If he is NOT failing out of school, at least B- average or better, I would ask him to get a physical to make sure the drug use isn’t enough to be damaging him, and then leave him alone.</p>
<p>And a 2BR apartment for him and his dad? Unless the OP specifically mentioned it, I know many people who lived in a 1 BR with their parent(s) and they slept on the pull-out couch. </p>
<p>However - hosting parties with drugs and alcohol is a totally different issue than experimenting with drugs and alcohol. It is a HUGE liability for the parents. </p>
<p>I understand what you are going through. And I don’t think it will get better. You know how your parents are. All the very best. </p>
<p>I can not believe, you have the nerves to complain. You caused the problems, you must suffer the consequences.What is so difficult to understand or accept? You broke the trust. Period. YOU ARE NOT TRUSTWORTHY right now, a wonder???You should appreciate your parents for giving you a second chance. They are not obligate to. With the money they pay for you, they could have a nice condo at the Mediterranean sea for example. But no, they decided to give you a second chance, to give you the possibility, to prove yourself, to GREW UP.You acted immature, have no empathy for kids, who take drugs and drink.Kids doing illegal stuff, are not trustworthy,correct? You did it to yourself, nobody forced you to. So do not wonder know, your parents take extra measurements. Nothing bad with keeping one eye on you. You need this, because you are not mature enough and capable enough, to take responsible decisions, the truth, your past proves it. You have wonderful parents, they gave you a second chance, stop complaining, try to change and gain their trust again. You could have had a great college experience, but you decided to take the wrong path, YOU, nobody else, so YOU must deal with the new decisions. Or you have the option as a grown up person, to move out, pay for yourself. Not possible, oh well, time to change, be appreciative, be honest and corect (NOT A LIAR!!!doing drugs and things behind your parent’s back show a very bad character, sorry the truth) and most important GREW UP!</p>
<p>Here’s another “grow up” comment: You are playing a silly, short game. Concentrate on the long run. Sure, it’s a pain to have your father on your back all the time, and to miss out on the fun of a “typical college experience.” But what are we really talking about? Five semesters? Maybe four? Maybe less than that if you can succeed in boring your father to death. What you really want is to become financially independent as quickly as you can, because that will completely shift the power dynamic between you and your parents, and give you the space to live whatever life you want to live. What’s really more important to you? The next 20 months, or the 5-10 years after that? Trust me, even if you are the shallowest, most irresponsible person in the world – maybe especially if you are – the fun to be had as a single, well-employed 20-something is far superior to the typical college experience. You won’t be missing out on anything really worth having.</p>
<p>Also: What a jerk you are for being insensitive to your parents’ fears about alcoholism. What you describe is not merely immigrant failure to understand American culture, it’s well-founded survivors’ fear of a problem that, in all likelihood, may have been passed down to you genetically. Your parents don’t drink at all for a very good reason. I understand completely your desire to join in the party, but you should at least acknowledge that given your family history you take enormous risks if you drink alcohol regularly. News flash: You may have to figure out how to live your life and enjoy it without alcohol. Not for your parents; for yourself. You do recognize that your parents love you, but it’s time to recognize that their unreasonable reaction to your behavior may actually have a lot of reason to it.</p>