I have a question, with all of the research, cases in the media, negative impact Boarding Schools can have on children why in 2022 would you send them?
I don’t mean the children who suggested BS themselves to their parents or are demanded to to go. I mean the ones the parents had to sell it too. The ones the parents had to tentatively bring it up with, knowing the child wouldn’t like the idea but convinced them to go anyway or indeed the ones who make them go even if the child is very unhappy. In light of the below documented impacts on the children who didn’t want to go or stay, why would take that risk and possibly do that to your child?
1 - Homesickness, feeling abandoned and isolation: In reality they child might get used to this but perhaps it is emotional abuse.
2 - Bullying, Drinking & other abuses are rife: In the last two years the stories that have come out in the US and UK. Why risk this for your child?
3 - Boarding School Syndrome: The lifelong impact for adults who suffer from this is frightening and life altering. Maybe your child would emerge unscathed from the experience but would you take the risk?
You may not get much traction here as, in all the years I’ve been here, I’ve never seen a post from either a parent or child with firsthand experience of what you’re suggesting. You’re in the wrong forum.
As I posted on the other thread, threads like this appear occasionally and have been answered to death. A bit of searching should give you what you are looking for without making click-bait claims.
Given the herculean effort needed to get into a boarding school (essays, LORs, standardized testing…the whole lot), and, more importantly, doing all of those well enough to get an acceptance, it’s pretty unlikely that any student is being forced to attend such a school—why wouldn’t they just butcher the interview (it’s not like the parents are watching) or type a copypasta into their application essay?
I have seen numerous examples of where parents force the chid to go or stay. I am not 100% sure of the posting rules here I can see you cannot paste links but let me direct you to some examples. I could literally post multiple examples.
1 - There was story in the New York Times last year (2021). If you google The Boarding-School Boom. you will see the article. There is 15 year old kid Scarlett interviewed and she complains of the cold, sadness and wanting to go home. This was her mothers response, “I’m so sad for her that she’s sad, but I think she’ll get over that,”.
2 - The advise that comes from Boarding Schools and their consultants support the assertion that a lot a kids aren’t happy there. They tell the parents and children homesickness and abandonment is normal. They advise the parents not to give in to them. The Independent Education Consultants website in the UK advises parents not to give in to a crying child, “Don’t give in to emotional blackmail”, is exactly what they say
Its scary stuff, so why would a parent do it? And how is it legal?
I dunno, I just googled “boarding school syndrome” united states and thesis and came up with zero theses, or studies of any kind that support a single one of your points. Carry on.
I am not sure what you googled but when I typed in Boarding School Syndrome Google returned 545k pages!! But for ease and clarity a snipped from the Boarding Schools Survivors UK website on Boarding Schools Syndrome is below,
“Boarding School Syndrome , are varied and complex. They include difficulties in relationships and parenting, workaholism, inability to relax, isolation, being experienced as a bully, substance abuse, a sense of failure, as well as physical, sleep”.
You will also find a whole lot of survivor stories there too and they don’t all date back to the long ago, they are are a hell of a lot of young people sharing tragic stories.
I mean, I am one of the kids who actively pursued boarding school (nobody in my family has ever gone, and Indiana isn’t exactly known as a state for its boarding school culture), so maybe I don’t 100% fit this question. I think I can answer it pretty thoroughly, though.
I don’t agree that any of this is emotional abuse. I also don’t agree that this happens in boarding school students like… ever, really. Most of my peers (including myself) have super strong relationships with our parents. In fact, I’d say my relationship with my parents is stronger than it ever has been, largely due to the fact that they don’t have to deal with my teenage BS. We appreciate our time together so much more. Also, homesickness is normal at any point when someone leaves home. It sucks, sure, but it doesn’t last forever. Boarding school keeps you enriched enough that you don’t really focus on it. And, as others have mentioned before me, the boarding school process is very rigorous, and applicants who don’t want to go to boarding school won’t get in. It’s that simple.
Bullying and drinking happen at home, too. Heck, I’d say they happen even more at a given local public school than at a boarding school. Boarding schools have rules, and most students follow them. Also, you’re too busy with schoolwork and activities to really focus on partying (I say most… trust me, I know it happens). As someone who’s a bit outside of the “boarding school norm”, I’ve never had a problem with bullying, and I don’t really know of anyone else who has. It probably exists, but from my lived experience of 10 years at public school, my home school was much more ruthless. About the abuse part—it happens super rarely. I don’t want to downplay any of the cases that have come out. They’re incredibly traumatizing and my heart hurts for anyone who was abused by a faculty member at boarding school. But it’s not common. Ever. At all.
Below the New York Time Article I referenced. I am not sure how a mother could dismiss her child like that, I’d really like to know why, what would make you do that?
Also, I put this link previously, I know, I know, its cosmo but gives a quick one pager on what Boarding School Syndrome is and there are a few kids who recount their experience.
OP- I think there is a substantial difference between kids who end up in Boarding school because the parents are going through a toxic divorce, vs. the kids who are representative on CC who are seeking a better academic fit than what is available in their hometown.
I know several adults who claim that their experiences in BS harmed them. But get to know them- and there was so much pathology in their family, that teasing out what was school vs. what was their family of origin requires an MD and board certification in psychiatry. Yes, families who are highly dysfunctional and can afford it, often send their kids to BS. That’s not the same dynamic as “kids in BS end up dysfunctional”.
Parents are divorcing. Both parents tell the judge in family court “I don’t want custody”. You think that isn’t going to harm your kid?
