<p>Will deliver all that’s here Monday. Thanks for all of the quality advice here!</p>
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DD=dear daughter or darling daughter
SO=significant other</p>
<p>Hmom… I am thinking we’re all kind of expecting some feedback on our feedback. So as they say… walk softly but carry a big stick (in case he’s still not hearing it).</p>
<p>I sent this thread this morning and got a call from a choked up dad about an hour later. </p>
<p>He said it was an eye opener of large magnitude to have so many smart folks saying what he has deep down wanted to do, and been afraid to do, for some time. We discussed how truly easy it is to be manipulated by a child you love. He also told me the first call and flowers had gone to his SO, asking to be forgiven and promising her things were about to get much better.</p>
<p>Dad intends to be in a therapist’s office this week. DH then gave him a call to have a dad to dad talk. He certainly had his issues with our daughter when she was a young teen and did get professional guidance. They have a healthy, close relationship today. The two spoke for 2 hours!</p>
<p>Thanks all, my fingers are crossed for a happy ending for all involved.</p>
<p>Very encouraging hmom. That scenario sounded very tough. Reading through this thread made me think about ways I treat my daughters (who are still younger: 12 & 7).</p>
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From your mouth to God’s ears. Good luck to you all.</p>
<p>This thread is an affirmation that setting and enforcing rules and limits, demanding a reasonable minimum level of conduct and establishing boundaries with and for your children from day one is crucial.</p>
<p>And, that goes for divorced parents in equal if not greater measure. IMO–Being a parent is not the same as being a friend. </p>
<p>Successful parenting while the child is an infant through teens leads to independence and respect going both ways between the father/mother and the young adult child beginning after HS. While success is never guaranteed, the effort usually gets results.</p>
<p>now we just need the government to do the same thing…though we know obama will never do it. anyone who thinks the dad needs to take a stance but thinks the govt needs to bail us out?</p>
<p>^^ Please do not turn this thread into a political one. We have the Political Forum for that purpose.</p>
<p>Hmom5 I am glad to hear the information was well received and taken to heart. I hope things improve for everyone in the family involved.</p>
<p>I am currently helping a friend in a somewhat similar situation…I am mostly just being a listening board and helping her weather the storm her 13 yr old is creating. I appreciate the advice on this thread, it’s adding weight to what she already knows she needs to do. And I’ll be keeping a closer eye on my actions with our DD.</p>
<p>Hmom5, you’ve done a good thing for your friend. I hope he is able to manage to make the necessary changes.</p>
<p>Update!</p>
<p>Dad saw a wonderful counselor for 2 hours yesterday and emerged with a plan. DD will get a ‘contract’ in the next few days.</p>
<p>She will be on a strict budget, responsible for working this summer and saving most of her own spending money for next year, will not get free rent this summer and will take financial responsibility commensurate with her mixed income peers.</p>
<p>She will have a GPA target for continued no loan support. No money for socializing will be given if target is not reached.</p>
<p>Her privileges will require due respect to SO. She doesn’t have to like or approve of her, just respect her and respect his right to happiness with her. They will have their ‘dates’ alone and SO is to be included in everything else as a family member.</p>
<p>I was talking to a newly focused father taking parenting seriously. Thanks again all!</p>
<p>Whoa, I would love to be a fly on the wall when this is presented to the daughter. Those in the area - move your breakables to a safe area.</p>
<p>Seriously, I wish the dad all the best as he tries to make needed changes.</p>
<p>hm5, I’m so glad this Dad has stepped up to the plate. His behavior was hurting his daughter and that is coming to an end. </p>
<p>I do hope that he is able to offer as much love and confidence that she can do this (despite his own natural doubts) as is humanly possible. This child has been taught that loving parents give in, that money is a valid currency in parent/child relationships. </p>
<p>This is going to be difficult for her to deal with and not just in the “spoiled brat” way that will come to the surface. She’s going to be sincerely hurt and confused as would anyone dealing with such an abrupt change in parenting. </p>
<p>I hope the Dad will offer to have her come to counseling with him to discuss it in a safe space with a neutral third party.</p>
<p>I sincerely hope the dad will adhere to his part in the contract when his D doesn’t, that is, not giving in when the D breaks any of the contract’s terms.</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. I’m glad Dad’s finding his way. I hope he can hold on for the possibly rocky road ahead.</p>
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<p>Agreed…it won’t be pretty. But if the dad is calm, assured and most of all firm in his commitment to the plan, it’ll be better for all concerned. </p>
<p>I must say, I’m impressed with this dad!</p>
<p>I think we need another update when he actually lays down the law to see how his daughter reacts.</p>
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<p>I’m sure you could get a Reality TV program to record it. Maybe make a few bucks for the D in the process.</p>
<p>Another Update!</p>
<p>Well, I think I’m glad I wasn’t a fly on the wall as the meeting was pretty bloody.</p>
<p>Dad flew to see DD this weekend. No surprise, the message was greeted with tears, screams, guilt trips, doors slammed, curses, ultimatums, promises to never speak to him again and the typical behavior of an out of control young woman. </p>
<p>Dad hung in there. He left with the credit cards. He left behind a contract with his signature that outlines grade requirements for his continued support, summer job requirements and expected savings from same and respect for him, her sibs and his SO requirements. There is also a request for family therapy in the contract.</p>
<p>DH and I are so proud of him, he left truly understanding they were finally on the right path.</p>
<p>Any guesses on how long it will take for DD to get with the program?</p>