The parents live only 90 minutes away from the airport. Their daughter lives 20 minutes away from the airport. The parents can just drive another hour and go home directly. It is not that great an inconvenience to wake up the dauther’s family at 1:30 am when they have to catch a flight at 4:30.
If it is a matter involving in-laws, my thumb of rule would be let the spouse decide. To spouses, they could be more of a guest than family.
I read the article again, I think it’s considered rude, I would never do that, not if the kid has to get up at 4:00am.
I turned down staying at friends and relatives in England even they insisted that we stayed there. I’m much more comfortable in a hotel.
Always stayed with parents / inlaws, and they always stayed with us. Same with siblings and siblings-in-law. We typically do the same for extended family and friends, but that depends on circumstances.
I have always stayed with parents/in laws, and in laws have always stayed with us. Parents were local, and after they moved to Florida, they’d stay with one of my brothers - he lives 5 minutes from us, has no kids, and is gone at work all day. They were certainly welcome to stay with us, but they preferred the quieter situation (and no stairs). I stayed with my D any time I visited when she lived out of town, even when she was just renting a room in a house (but I did get a hotel room when she lived in the dorms!). Both adult kids live close by now - but they stay at the very small family cottage with us at times, and we make it work.
My adult DD is sharing apartment with a roommate. Every time her roommate is out of town for a week or so DD invites me to visit her and stay at her apartment. In fact I am going up there in a week
Our family was always in different cities and family always stayed at each other’s homes when visiting if possible. They only time a hotel was used was when we had a tiny house and 5 family members were coming. We did put them in a hotel that time.
Now for my kids so far I have always stayed in a hotel. Both only have had tiny one bedroom apartments, or my daughter had a small 2 bedroom but I knew her baby’s father couldn’t stand me so no way I would stay there. Now I know my son and future daughter in law would be upset if I didn’t stay with them if they had the room. They are both that way and we are very close and stay up late playing games or working puzzles together. For my daughter I’m not sure. I know she would like it but I’m not sure if she will have a SO that likes us, or a place big enough that I would feel comfortable staying. Since she and her 2 year old live with me now and not SO in the picture, and no money to move out, that bridge is far off.
We had a family wedding that was quite close to our home. All of DHs siblings and spouses stayed at our house. No kids were invited. It was summer and our kids were away.
Actually…we left the wedding early…and drove to one of the brother’s houses on our way to visit one of our kids. So…we weren’t at our house with all those guests. And the hosts weren’t where we stayed either. Musical houses. It worked out just fine. We trusted them, and they trusted us.
Oh…we fed and walked their dog, and they fed our cat.
This is not about whether one would sleep over at a kid’s home, it’s more about whether it is convenient for this particular situation. It is not. When someone is leaving at 4:30am, you don’t ask to stay over. If the parents could afford to go away they could afford to pay for an airport hotel if they are too tired to drive.
I stay over at D1’s place almost every other week to spend time with my granddaughter. We are very comfortable with each other’s routines. I also go on vacation with them. But if they were to tell me it’s not a good time to visit it then I would respect their wishes.
I used to visit my parents over the holidays when I lived abroad. I always opted to stay at a hotel when my siblings were also visiting. I just needed my down time. When I visit my mom by myself now, I stay with her.
This!
My kids are welcome to stay anytime they want. That said I would never be offended if they chose to stay at a hotel. I personally dislike staying in other people’s houses. I will pay a hotel for a private bathroom, the ability to get up and not disturb anyone, in room temperature control, etc.
Neither of our kids have room to put us up anyway.
We have room for the kids and welcome other visitors as well, but we have the space and the time. I do not expect to stay with the kids, however. They have much less space right now. We have stayed with them in the past when they had a spare bedroom. Yes, I was thrilled to stay in their apartments and to get a taste of their lives, but I also respect their (and their partners’) privacy and wishes.
In the advice column scenario? It depends. As a parent, I would hate to think that my staying overnight would cause chaos or pressure. I would hope the kids would find me helpful, taking them to the airport or caring for pets for a day, but if my presence were a burden I’d stay elsewhere. No big deal.Other families may have other expectations.
My two kids out of town both have small places at the moment with not an extra bed. When I visit by myself, I am truly comfortable sleeping on the couch for what is usually one night, sometimes two.
To be honest, while I would certainly get a hotel or AIRBNB if I thought it was NOT the right time to stay with them (whatever circumstances), I am 99.9% sure they would just end up coming to my rental and staying there with me! Our time together on these visits is short enough we enjoy the late night time and the wake up time.
This is what works NOW. Circumstances may change! I think what is key is to never assume, to always ask and leave an opening for them to say it wouldn’t be a good time for overnight ears, and to be a helpful guest when you do stay. Oh yeah, all the things I would hope from them when they come to our house (which is STILL there’s too!)
I grew up with my mom and siblings expecting that you always take family in and that we could show up and expect lodging. Over the decades I have realized what a PITA that expectation can potentially be, partially as our lives are busier. That said, I happily welcome guests and family, whenever they show up and certainly love those who take me in. There are many things more fun to spend money on than hotel rooms. And I adore the casual time together with family on arising or later in the evening.
In the example given in the letter, I hope there is a level of casual involvment and responsibility, where a key can be left, and the parents clean up and lock the place in the morning, and it is all no big deal.
I’m amazed by people my age who can get a good night sleep on a couch or sharing a small bed ( DH and I sleep in a custom x tra large king and will often get two queens on vacation) . As I said I’m a fussy sleeper. My last time on a “ top of the line” pull out couch was a decade ago when I realized that I was just too old to ever do that again. It’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy in theory a late night or morning with some friends or relatives but not after a bad nights sleep on their uncomfortable bed in a too hot room and facing a shared bathroom. That’s just misery making for me.
It’s not about “ fun” for me. It’s about I couldn’t have a moments fun doing anything during the day if I spent my night on a couch or uncomfortable bed. It would ruin everything for me.
Our S and DIL live 8 hours away, in DIL’s hometown. They have given us an open invitation to come anytime and stay with them in their home for as long as we want. They are not able to come to us very often, and DIL is grateful that we have the ability to come to them. I just got back from a 2-week visit, helping to watch their 1-year old while they were moving to a larger home - which they chose because it has more private space for us, including an office where my H can work from when we are there. I am blessed that they welcome us with open arms and that we co-exist quite well, because staying with them gives us so much more quality time with our GD. Nothing better than going in to get her out of the crib in the morning and having those early morning pj snuggles!! Having some extra space and our own private bathroom will certainly make it easier for all of us, however.
Our D lives in an apartment with a roommate in DC, which is 2.5 hours from us. We do stay in a nearby hotel when we visit her. But she comes home and stays with us frequently for week-ends and holidays. We love having her here!
We all have various levels of tolerance and need to care for ourselves in ways that make sense. Personally, I despise airbeds, but am tolerant of just about everything else, camping included. Yes, rest is important and how to get there is often quite individual.
Even though I’m completely the opposite of you in this case, I completely understand your sentiment about your feelings. There are many things that are fun for 90% of the population that is the opposite of fun for me. So I get it. I don’t think anyone should have to feel bad about being different. I find it interesting myself
Isn’t sleep funny? Some people REALLY need the routine, the location and the hours of great sleep. I like great sleep but am not shook with an occasional night where I get less routine, a lesser bed or less hours. I can function fine without that for a day or two.
We were just reserving an AIRBNB for a family weekend in a few weeks. There was one property that was gorgeous and we all loved but the sleeping situation would have required 4 of 7 of us to sleep in the same room in very nice but albeit, bunk beds. My husband snores and one daughter (and her SO) does not do well with a less than traditional sleeping situation. So we knew that property was a no go for us. As a family we have to accept and work with individual quirks!! 
So true. As an upside its highly unlikely I’ll ever fall asleep at the wheel as I’ve never fallen asleep in a car ( nor on the couch etc…)!