<p>A line is a just a curve with a constant slope.</p>
<p>Someone printed a picture of my teacher today from the yearbook folder that says "Do Not Feed the Animals". (She's pretty hefty remember) It's her at her desk grading papers. It's so cool because we had a sub today and the kid taped it up for her for tomorrow. Hopefully no one takes it down.</p>
<p>"don't let any guy tell you that women don't masturbate, and if a girl tells you that she doesn't, she's lying to your face"</p>
<p>"I'm gonna tell you a secret about the holocaust. see, the people were underfed. that's why they were so skinny!!!"</p>
<p>"You can do these sentences for extra credit, I personally don't like them, but, I don't know, they might turn some of you on"</p>
<p>"1st day of freshman year, my history teach: You all are the scum of the earth. The whole school hates you. You derserve to sweep the floors. You are freshman. Last year, i would help the seniors kick freshman a**, but since I have to teach you, I won't hate you as much"</p>
<p>The running joke at my school is when ever someone says/does something stupid, we mock the fact that he got into a top-tier school.</p>
<p>Ex: a certifiable idiot who got into Wharton </p>
<p>::religion teacher gets shocked by static on the VCR::
UPenn acceptee: "Haha! Static friction."
Other student: "..Ammanuel, don't you mean static electricity?"
UPenn: "Oh."
::pause::
Stanford acceptee (i.e. me): "Sick, Wharton."</p>
<p>Same UPenn dumbass:"Mr. Church, why did I get this wrong?"
"Because 2 times 3 isn't five."
UPenn deferree - "Aht, Wharton."</p>
<p>Once again:
Religion teacher:"What political party does this remind you of?"
UPenn idiot: "Buddhists."
UPenn non-idiot:"Buddhists?"
Three people at once: "Sick, Wharton."</p>
<p>Calc teacher: "Salvador here apparently is an idiot."
Stanford acceptee: "Why?"
"What's five plus one?"
"Six."
"Why does your paper say 5?"
UPenn deferee: "Stanford beast in the house!"</p>
<p>In gov class, looking at pictures of Iraqis firing rifles into the air.
Teacher: "These are idiots."
Darthmouth recruit: "No, won't the wind just carry the bullets into space where they won't hurt the shooters?"
::pause::
Harvard deferee: "Aht, Dartmouth."</p>
<p>After my Pre-Calc's graphing calculator TV Screen connecter thingie wasn't working:</p>
<p>"It's probably Al-Gebra, they have weapons of math instruction."</p>
<p>Student: Mr. K, i have a problem with this line of code, it's not compling properly.
Computer Science AB teacher: let me look at it.
<em>a few seconds later</em></p>
<p>"Yes, you DO have a problem."
<em>walks away</em></p>
<p>"Where do birds go in the winter?"</p>
<p>"Do male cows give milk?"</p>
<p>"Did Jesus have a girlfriend?"</p>
<p>"Is Hitler still in jail?"</p>
<p>"What shape are Cheerios?"</p>
<ul>
<li>various questions asked by my junior year AP US History class, which was probably the greatest collection of talent my school has ever seen. Almost every kid in that class was Ivy League caliber. And yet the questions they ask...</li>
</ul>
<p>AP Physics teacher writes this problem on the board...</p>
<p>Integral of e to the x, is equal to the function of u to the n.</p>
<p>AP Lit teacher's response to everything: "Well, boo hiss!"
APUSH teacher's response to most questions: "What a stupid comment"</p>
<p>My religion teacher loves to write a giant red F on every on of my tests and then in tiny writing below: "Psyche...100!" I always know it is coming but I can't help but believe it for a second.</p>
<p>mamba, i've heard that before....except it was from an old man who told me to solve that equation...</p>
<p>In calculus last quarter we were supposed to memorize something so the teacher told us to write it on our hands and not wash them until it was memorized.
And then...
Girl (raises hand): I can't do that because I have senior pictures tomorrow
Teacher: Oh, just be like Napoleon and take the picture with your hand behind your back
Girl: I don't remember that
Teacher: Don't remember what?
Girl: In the movie, I don't remember him hiding his hand in the picture!</p>
<p>Turns out, this girl had never heard of Napoleon. She thought he was talking about the movie, Napoleon Dynamite. Some people!</p>
<p>Yesterday in AP Comparative Govt: Our teacher, who calls himself Blendogg:</p>
<p>"Tony Blair is the Queen's b****..."</p>
<p>later: "So the Queen's beeyotch comes running..."</p>
<p>'i've heard a kid say he can't do algebra because it has the word 'bra' in it, but you are the first one to say geometry reminds you of 'orgy'.</p>
<p>My honors Economics teacher has this unhealthy obsession with everything that has to do with economics and cnnmoney.com, and he get's really into drawing graphs on the board and like, wheezes and smiles after. It's funny.</p>
<p>He's been known to drop chalk and go "Woahhh, I just dropped that like it's hot!"
He also likes to make fun of Canada and refer to it as such things as "the US' retarded brother" (though I think that may be an old one...). Also he'll be like
"schedule...or like they say in Canada...sheddule", which leads to every time he says something, someone going "How do they say that in Canada?" and then he makes up some weird pronunciation.
(I personally don't get this. I like Canada. Whatever)</p>
<p>Then he asks random questions he never told us the answers too and goes "Does anybody know?!"
<em>looks back and forth from one side of the room to another for about a minute while half the class has their heads down or eyes closed</em></p>
<p>I tend to randombly burst out laughing at this. I guess you just have to be there and see half the people about to drift off and he's excitedly looking around for an answer to pop up:P</p>
<p>Then he randomly leaves the room for 15 minutes at a time to make copies and stuff. Weird.</p>
<p>^^^^^^
I love teachers like that. They think students care about the subject when its a pointless one. ---> Health class and statistics especially</p>
<p>"girls are too young to be dating and playing around at this age! they should just do MATH. then they can go to college and earn money and once they can afford to play around, then they can play around. but then they`ll be too old to play around and won't wanna do it anymore!"</p>
<p>--mr. powers</p>
<p>tuesday was AIDS day and in Latin we had to watch a video with "situations" (i.e. a girl meets a guy at a dance and has unprotected sex with him/ a boy meets another boy online and meets up for sex/ a girl gets a bracelet from her BF and, as a thank you, it is implied that she gives him a BJ.. later he finds out that he had AIDS) well afterwards we had to discuss the situations (discussion was led by a volunteer student), and so we were talking about the last one (with the BJ), and we were also talking about STDs and how sometimes the.. male private part... can have weird bumps/lesions, which should indicate to the partner that something is wrong. and then out of nowhere my latin teacher (who is in his twenties and good-looking) starts talking about how the act itself (BJ) can cause the lesions.. because "its very rigorous" and he was going on and on about it LOL (i was dying). it was sooo weird :P</p>
<p>me and a friends trick for remembering the cranial nerves </p>
<p>One
Old
Ogre
Touched
Tits
And
Fine
Vagina,
Groping
Vigerously
And
Happily</p>
<p>HAHA gatordan is this mnemonic for physiology class or AP biology? i wanna save it in case i have to remember it :)</p>
<p>ex AP Euro teacher -
"there's no crime in Amsterdam because everything is legal there"
referring to retakes: "If you're ugly in the first one, you're gonna be ugly in the retakes too"</p>
<p>AP Bio teacher -
teacher: So scientists used to use what's called a Northern Blot Test and a Southern Blot Test.
student: Whats that for, to figure out if the North is superior to the South?
teacher: Hey, at least we know to leave when it starts raining!*
(Laughter/Shock from students)
teacher: Did I go too far? Too much? OK I'll take it back. Trust me I've said worse.
*raining as in referring to Hurricane Katrina</p>
<p>student asks: how should we study for this midterm?
teacher: you? I think you should go out and get a drink!</p>
<p>love them, lol</p>