<p>One thing that has worked to improve the quality of our phone calls, has been to have a list (prepared before the call) of things for us (my wife and I) to talk about in OUR lives. He seems to enjoy hearing about our home projects, his sister's school, my pastimes (golf, etc). A good one that can generate some emotion on his end, is if I tell about some BBQ that we had and all the associated fixings. He loves BBQ, and he can quickly relate to it. It seems like, if he perceives that we have a life, and are able to tell him about it, then he cheers up, opens up, and the conversation can be fun. (We try to sneek in a question or two about how things are going at college - classes, food, friends, etc. We make an attempt to be subtle, tie it into the current converson. If talking about a BBQ at home, we can say how's the food there. If talking about his sister's high school classes, we can say how is your Calculus class.). One of our mistakes at the beginning of his freshman year was that we asked too many questions about his life in college, and we did not talk about our own life. (Inside, truly, we really just wanted to know how he was doing. But to him, i guess it came across as an inquisition).</p>
<p>In general, our son seems to be doing well. We still do not hear on a regular basis (we had hoped for, asked for, once a week, or every sunday, etc.), but we are ok without it. Someone earlier in the thread chastised parents for wanting to hear 2-3 times per week. That was never the case for us. We always have felt that once a week would be perfect. Even the staff at the University our son is attending recommended that parents strive to hear once per week. </p>
<p>Last year, when we stated this thread, our son had been in school for a while, and our initial communications with him had been hit and miss (with more miss than hit). Several things just didn't seem right. We were frustrated, worried, and started the thread. As I have stated numerous times, we received many posts with suggestions, many more posts with words of encouragement, and then a few posts from parents who said to stop worrying and to get a life. </p>
<p>Some overly-confident parents in this thraed, have suggested we just leave them alone. Leaving students alone is NOT what our son's University suggested to all parents during Welcome Week. They counseled/advised parents to be certain to make contact at least once per week (especially durnig the first couple of months). This came from the Head of Housing, as well as from the Head of the Univeristy Couneling Center. These are two groups who deal with students on a daily basis. Even the Campus Police suggested something similar. He indicated that if there is some problem, the earlier that his department is notified, the better chance that they have of finding someone. I, personally, prefer listening to the advise from the head of Housing, and the head of the University Counseling Center (who deal with hundreds and hundreds of students), than to one parent who happens to have an easy situation (and smugly suggests that parents need to get a life, grow up, and leave their kids alone).</p>
<p>It can be a real struggle to choose between (1) giving the students the space they need and deserve, and (2) making sure that they are ok. Last year, at times, and many times, we went back and forth between the two. There was a 3 week period where we did not hear from our son, and he did not return our calls. I finally called the Dorm Administration, they sent someone to check on him, they went to his room, and made face to face contact. They advised him to call us, just so we would know he was alive. He did so. The call was brief, but on good terms. To this day, i do NOT regret making that call. I mention that example, just to show how extreme it got for us. Some may laugh to themselves, thinking how pathetic that I couldn't last 3 weeks without talking to my son. I will only reply that I was hugely relieved to know that my son was ok, and that he did not end up in the news. (I would rather that 100 students be bothered unecessarily, and maybe along the way 1 or 2 students who are truly in need, or in trouble, might be contacted, just in time). To those who may laugh or criticise (as some did last year), you don't know what truly goes on in other people's lives and emotions, and your smug attitude is hardly helpful to anyone. Again, my huge huge thanks and appreciation to the vast majority who have posted in this thread with wonderful suggestions, and many many words of encouragement. </p>
<p>Good luck to all of you. And thanks again for your kind words, this year, and last year.</p>