<p>Studies show that boys engage in parallel play, as opposed to face-to-face play, at a far higher degree than girls. It's my theory that it lasts their whole lives....</p>
<p>We have been getting 4 or 5 calls a week from our freshman son, but they too have mostly been while he was in transit from one activity to another. I really like those calls though because I feel like it gives us a little snap shot of what his day to day routine is like. This past Saturday he called us at half time of the football game, where he was working the chain gang, to find out what the score of the Notre Dame game was! Short calls that he initiates actually end up providing a better feel for what is going on in his life than the longer ones that we initiate.</p>
<p>Alumother..intriguing tidbit about parallel play and males. Our son calls us whenever he gets into a Duke basketball game from the stands. We really miss him so much and it is great to share the fun. Helms2Lee..so happy you are relieved. Nothing worse than imagining your child is in some way at risk. I know I feel better! My S did inquire about "how fulfilling my life was" before he left home and I immediately starting looking for my hormones. Where did the years go?</p>
<p>^^^
Faine-</p>
<p>Maybe your son will breathe some communication germs onto my freshman at Duke!</p>
<p>^^^Typo--I don't know how to edit these posts after the fact!
I meant "Faline"</p>
<p>hang in there. East Campus at Duke is just extremely homey for freshmen only world and there is a lot of bonding in each dorm and hall. He truly is probably in a new dynamic family of peers (they don't call them Fresh for nothing.) They are fresh, talented, excited, and searching for their future identities and friendship support systems. My son loved his freshman dorm life and felt very at home there and I hope your S has a similar positive experience. The blue edit button under your post works for a few minutes after you hit Send. You can delete or make corrections then. lets see, besides reading the Chronicle you can also see the Frosh movie page for fun. Each dorm was given a budget and a camera and committees formed. Last year's movies for each dorm are online..they have a Movie night in January and you can get a feel for the East Campus humor and dorm competitions. The winning films are really good. I recognized my S in his dorm's movie briefly last January or so.</p>
<p>Thanks, Faline. I think that's exactly what's happening--that and the engineering curriculum.</p>
<p>Yes! I scoped out his dorm in advance by viewing the frosh movie from that dorm over the summer. Fun! </p>
<p>I forgot about the Chronicle...good reminder</p>
<p>Thanks again!</p>
<p>whew. maybe we are entering a new phase or it is just the alignment of the planets. I sent a brief query re a logistical/shared bank account question today and tonight (!) got back a 10 line email with some spontaneous news!!! Will no doubt be followed by three weeks of silence...but it made me smile...Have hope fellow travelers...It is just like when they were toddlers: just when you think you've got them figured out, they do something new...</p>
<p>and my son called me within 15 mins of "studio 60 on the sunset strip" ending.... to debrief. we're both big Aaron Sorkin fans... and watched every episode of west wing together for 7 years.... and all the Sports Night on dvd. I was so honored, flattered, ok, happy, that even though we watched this show tonight, that we've been waiting for for a year, separately, he still wanted to talk with me and compare notes when it was over.</p>
<p>nice news NYmom..glad to know your heart is also eased this evening by a good checkin with your S...</p>
<p>R eading this thread with interest as I'm having the same situation as OP with our daughter. She called several times the first week or so...first upset, but then she seemed normal. Shortly thereafter, she's been distant as in not communicating with frequency and also just doesn't seem like herself...kind of down, but says she's fine. We had a great relationship during HS and over the summer.....she was the type to say "Hi Mom!" if I was volunteering at school and she happened to walk by but I hadn't noticed...very smiley, bubbly etc. Just wondering if anyone else has had this change of personality with their Ds. We just returned from Parent's Weekend and she seemed distant then too....I called after we were home just to make sure she was OK and she said she was just tired. I didn't belabor the point and she didn't seem interested in talking. Afterwards, I found myself sobbing, alone in the dark. What's happening? Where'd my DD go? The physical seperation has been an adjustment but I've handled that pretty well and I've been pretty good about being supportive and non-judgemental. I wouldn't normally be too concerned but she's been this way for pretty much a month now. Any new advice? Especially from those with Ds?</p>
<p>I'm glad you mentioned tiredness. I think that's a huge, ongoing issue for all our college kids.</p>
<p>SuNa: True. We probably all should give that more weight than we likely do...it's easy for us (who can't stay up until after 10...lol) to view that as a lame excuse.</p>
<p>triplemom11.....write her a letter, tell her you love her, that you are there for her always no matter what, tell her you are concerned about her, tell her you love her again. Never hurts to hear it again and again ...especially in your handwriting...leave out the whole we are so proud of you stuff though in case she is having a hard time telling you anything. This first month of school is crazy...lots of excited sky high expectations and also lots of reality checks. Be there at the edge... available but not intrusive.</p>
<p>I agree. It must really be difficult for them, especially the freshmen. The kids are adjusting to a different routine in college. I remember at orientation, one of the speakers said, they become "nocturnal". It is not unusual for them to do an all nighter, especially when there are papers due, tests to prepare for, etc. No wonder they are so tired. </p>
<p>I used to worry also whenever my son did not sound too happy over the phone. I just had to learn to trust him when he says he is okay, just tired. Now he is a "content" (that's his own description of himself) junior, I understand where he is coming from. In HS, he did not have to worry about laundry, dinner, etc. Everything was there ready for him whenever he needed them.</p>
<p>Just a quick post triplemom,
I am a Mom of a senior daughter and a freshman son. My daughter is also a once a week caller. I was pretty unhappy when my daughter started college because I missed her so darn much. As other people have said on this thread, it's important to have her call when both of you can talk without interruption. Attend the parents weekend this fall if her school has one. Get out with some other Mom's that have freshman. You are not alone and it does get better!</p>
<p>My S is the opposite--he sounds SO happy & energetic, much more than he ever was at home or in HS. I'm so glad he's thriving (in the words of his cousin, who agrees she's never heard him this annimated before). He is so busy it's tough to get in contact with him, but when we are able to chat, his happiness is quite apparent, in his IMs to sister & conversations with us.</p>
<p>Exhaustion CAN be a factor among students, particularly if their living situation is noisier than they're used to and adjustments to the academics can be more than they anticipated. Meeting/figuring out the right niche (especially in a new setting) is also a major challenge for many.</p>
<p>I'd give the student time & space & trust them to let you know if they need help. If you have friends whose kids are also at the same school, maybe touch base with them & see if their kids have any info about how "the gang" from your area is doing (without specifically singling out your kiddo).</p>
<p>I expect I'll be a bit sadder when my D leaves, as she's the younger & shares more about how she feels & isn't quite as private as my S has always been. Get active yourself & share your news with your child--some folks have started new jobs, hobbies, etc. when kids left for college.</p>
<p>Good luck--things will improve!</p>
<p>Triplemom - as the OP, i can relate, even though mine is my son, and your's is your daughter. I truly sensed a change. In our case, he seemed not only down, but downright angry about something. For me, it got to be too much for me to bear, so i called him. (my prior note describes the call, and how i was brief. an how i got quickly to the point, and expressed my serious concern. When i started this thread, it was mostly because i was missing him, and was, as the thread title says, thinking we missed him and that he did not miss us. After a few days went by, i took the suggestion of several and setup a weekly call. That did not go well. Then, the more i thought about it, I seriously thought something was wrong. Some might say/think that i was too alarmed. But we have read those rare unfortunate articles of suicides in colleges, and i couldn't take any more. For me, communication IS THE most important part of a relationship. If i had waited, and there was a serious problem, i could never have lived with myself for not acting sooner. Surely, those on the thread could NOT have been blamed if I had waited per their advice, and there was a subsequent problem. But for me, i could not wait another minute. I literally called on the cell-phone from work, from out in the parking lot). For me, it worked to call him. You have to make the decision for yourself. </p>
<p>She is, as others have suggested, probably just fine. Turns out my son was just fine. She probably is tired, adjusting to a new schedule, new friends, new bed, new eating habits, new classes, etc. </p>
<p>My suggestion, read the many posts again. Give it much thought, and then do what you feel most comfortable with.</p>
<p>Regards.</p>
<p>I think kids probably go through a "subdued" phase too that is about not only fatigue but also about discovering who they are and who they are not. This is the time of year when they can be (or see other kids who are) dissappointed by their academic performance, or being cut from a team, or the pledging process. They are in a completely new, real world where all their old personas may not work as they did. (Anthropologists talk about the "liminal phase", crossing a threshold in to an undefined state before a newly defined role, etc. happens) I think they quite literally don't quite know how to relate to themselves, their feelings, and therefore old familiar us. I imagine they worry that we might be dissappointed that they don't (fill in the blanks)--or they don't want to worry us, they want to work it out on their own....So they withdraw into this middle distance and it really isn't about us. They are crossing over in some way and we have to just watch from the shore for awhile, keeping them in sight, until they get their balance and come sailing back (whew that is a mess of mixed metaphors...)</p>