<p>OP, you are indeed in a difficult spot. The one thing I would caution you against doing is forcing him into a school he doesn’t want, because he will be miserable and won’t get much out of it. I agree that a full ride is tough to pass up, but if it is a full ride at the wrong school…then it doesn’t mean much.</p>
<p>As a side note, I am not sure where you live, but you mention your son might be interested in a big city school. My boyfriend was top 10% of his class with 2200 on his SATs and went to St. John’s University (Queens, NY) on a full scholarship, which he got automatically because of his stats. His suitemates got similar offers, and your son sounds like he might qualify. It is a very nice school, and the app is no fee, no essay :)</p>
<p>One of the things our GC said, which I’ve seen prove out so many times, is that there is so much growing that occurs between November and late March, then graduation. See where it goes. Be proud and enjoy.</p>
<p>Oh please…we offered our kid a car and a condo to go to the school where she got the most merit aid. However, we did the “parent thing” before the applications were even sent (sounds like you did too), so any acceptance that met our previously discussed criteria was hers to choose from.</p>
<p>She did NOT choose the inexpensive school…no car, no condo. But you know what? The college she did choose was fabulous, and really suited her very well. She graduated with a double major in four years, was involved on campus in many ways, made wonderful friends.</p>
<p>Our kid didn’t take bribes! Maybe yours isn’t interested in them either.</p>
<p>Honestly, our usual outright bribes are like ten bucks to do something. I think D1 laughed at me, at one point when I tested the waters about the State 30 minutes from home. “Sure. If it’s an SUV.” Yo. No SUV.</p>
<p>What does it teach your kid if you change the rules on him now? I think it is a poor example for you to set rules and then change them when you figure out that it is more advantageous for you to do something else. The lessons aren’t good ones – they reflect on the character of you as parents (and may cause him to lose respect for you), and give him permission to try to slide changes through in his own life later on.</p>
<p>I get that there are circumstances that could cause the rules to change (serious illness or death of a parents might be an example). But to me it just sounds like you don’t want to spend money that you had initially put on the table.</p>
<p>I said little early on in the acceptance cycle when my son was applying. He knew I wouldn’t sping for the $60K school, and I knew it would have required the parent card to send him to our very good state flagship.
Towards the end of the process, I talked for probably just seconds a day, pointing out the good things about the school I thought was better for him (and he got a substantial scholarship to), and some not so good things about the other school (like he would need to take out loans). We reminded him that the scholarship money would NOT be on the table the next year, but if he was unhappy he could likely transfer to the other school. At the end of the day he picked the school with the slightly better price tag, for multiple reasons. I never took the decision out of his hands, and once he made the decision I even started pointing out the benefits of the original one he was leering towards. It was certainly an ordeal. My younger son on the other hand, is all about saving money, and loves our state flagship.
Good luck, it’s going to be a long several months.</p>
<p>dusktodawn, I’m curious, if your child had picked one of the private schools that you had already saved for, would he have been an entitled brat?</p>
<p>A student is not being an “entitled brat” when the parent says “here is what we can afford” and the student picks a school that fits within that limit.</p>
<p>just remember that a GI Bill is not money saved for college, it’s a benefit earned by the service member. A person who joins the military and their family deal with separations and moving sometimes every 2 years. That service member is gifting his benefit to his child and I believe should have a say in where that money goes. The child can take it or leave it. Maybe earn their own full ride.</p>
<p>Dusktodawn…my kids did not pick the least expensive options for college from their acceptances. However, they DID pick colleges to apply to that were within our criteria…both financially and geographically. </p>
<p>I’m am very sorry…but neither of my kids has an “entitled” attitude. I’ve known kids who went to far less expensive colleges than ours who DID have an attitude of entitlement…that they should get anything and everything they wanted at all times. Our kids went to pricey schools which were also within the guidelines we set when we were looking at their application lists. </p>
<p>It was when our kids were crafting their lists that we laid out any parent trump cards. And yes…if circumstances had changed, our kids would have adjusted.</p>
<p>In the case of the OP, the only circumstance that has changed is their kid got a sizable scholarship to a college. The family finances haven’t changed. I am sorry, but they are changing their guidelines midstream.</p>
<p>If their intent was that their kid was going to be REQUIRED to go to the least expensive net cost school, then they should have played their parent hand stating so right from the beginning of the college application process. Instead, they SAID they had the resources to pay for other options.</p>
<p>Yes…it is their money…but still. They sure set up a false set of rules if NOW they are changing them.</p>
<p>dusktodawn, you remind me of a poster we haven’t heard from for a while who frequently diagnosed other people’s kids as entitled brats. Wish I could remember the name … Gee. (P.S., was there maybe a number in it?)</p>
<p>I don’t see how the son is being an entitled brat by choosing a university that he was told would be financially acceptable right from the beginning. I think it’s unfair to tell him that he has the option to apply to schools within certain financial boundaries, only to change the rules at the last second (barring some change in financial status).</p>
<p>Dusktodawn…your own kid is applying to Quinnipiac which is not exactly a bargain. You are allowing her to submit that application. If along the way, she gets an acceptance with a huge scholarship, will your daughter be “entitled” if she chooses Quinnipiac?</p>
<p>I think D2D should reread the original post and others from OP. The DS has ONE acceptance, it happens to be a great deal. The rest is yet to come. </p>
<p>I am so with 1214mom. When something like this happens early on, we were very cautious not to hammer. It’s only one early step in a long process.</p>
<p>sorry if a struck a nerve with some here. In my defense, I never called anyone’s kid here an entitled brat I said we should teach our kids not to be one. Situations change, my point was that just because a parent outlined a scenario in the college process, that doesn’t mean they have to be locked in or “stuck” with it.</p>
<p>No but you very much implied that by NOT going where thr most money was for college…kids were entitled. And yes…I took offense at your comment.</p>
<p>I don’t think the OPs kid is entitled either. He still has pending applications. For all we all know, he could get a better offer. </p>
<p>And I will,say it again. The time to play the parent card is BEFORE the applications are sent. If you REALLY are going to insist that your kid go to the college with the least net cost to the family…then say this up FRONT…not after an unexpected offer comes in.</p>
<p>Each family and parenting style is different. There is no one right way. I changed my mind about things a lot when my kids were growing up. It didn’t scar them for life. They are thinking human beings who understand that perspectives evolve with new facts. I told them it was “mom’s prerogative” to change my mind about things.</p>