<p>OP–Do you see him often? Or just know through phone or internet what’s going (or not going on)? Maybe he’s depressed or maybe not–but posters who say “he’s involved in 6 EC’s, he can’t be depressed” are simply wrong. Sometimes the only things which keep a deeply depressed person moving is something they truly love–it’s the only time they feel alive. It may be the only time they have that they don’t have to pretend to be happy. The rest of life takes too much energy. Literally. Everything else will go out the window–school, jobs, rent. No matter how important the effort just doesn’t seem worth it.
You say he was on anti-depressants before. It is quite possible that depression has caught up with him.</p>
<p>OP Update: More bad news today. Found out that since his gpa is now below the required level, he may lose his full tuition academic scholarship. Not sure yet though. If he does lose it that will require him to take some time off because we don’t have the dollars right now to send him without the scholarship. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. If he loses the aid we will require him to work full-time somewhere/anywhere. But maybe this will give him the rude awakening that he needs to get his “*#$&” together.</p>
<p>Sorry about the bad news. I hope you can pinpoint the problem and help him find the right direction to take. I can’t help going back to your saying that he has been treated for depression before-having to leave college may be what he needs to get the right treatment if that’s what’s going on now. I DO know someone who was able to keep busy and effective in some areas while sleeping till noon and failing other things. Good luck to all of you.</p>
<p>*Quote:
I’m sure it is not substance abuse. He has a few beers now and again like any college student but I know there are no drugs involved.</p>
<p>=================
Why are you sure of this? I don’t think it is unusual, for example, for an alcoholic to say that he “has a few beers now and again.” Did he get fired from his job because of absenteeism? If so, you really can’t rule out substance abuse just because you don’t think that’s in his nature.*</p>
<p>I agree with Hunt. The loss of his job is suspicious. And people with addiction problems LIE all the time…a few beers, a couple glasses of wine (hey, have you seen folks fill up those HUGE wine goblets and call them “one glass of wine”? lol)</p>
<p>Seriously, if he had a drinking problem, do you think he’d say, “well, I’m drinking a 6 pack every night.” ??? NO. </p>
<p>and, he’s young enough to think that any drinking is just college stuff and controllable. </p>
<p>Do you know if you know the truth as to why he was fired? Is it possible that he told you a “story”?</p>
<p>More bad news today. Found out that since his gpa is now below the required level, he may lose his full tuition academic scholarship</p>
<p>Yikes.</p>
<p>Does the school look at the whole year’s GPA? Or can you lose it because of ONE low semester? (if so, that’s a STRICT school!!!)</p>
<p>He is a college senior due to graduate this spring.</p>
<p>oh poop. This isn’t good. if he loses his scholarship then he may never get his degree. It’s not easy to get a degree from another school at this point. He needs to get his degree from THIS school since he’s so close to finishing. </p>
<p>If he loses his scholarship, can he take classes online from home and graduate?</p>
<p>Oh, cbug, I’m sorry to read that.</p>
<p>cbug-
Mom of another gifted student with subtle LD’s here
I suggest that your son ask for a leave of absence for a semester and have him come home to figure out what really is going on and what to do about it. As smart as he is-he may have poor planning skills due to an executive function disability- which can cause lots of problems in anyone, including the gifted.
Sounds to me like he may be a typical "twice gifted student- having both a Hi IQ and an undiagnosed LD [ It is a known fact that the “gifted” have a higher incidence of LD’s than is found among the “neurotypical” population.]</p>
<p>cbug, I am so sorry to hear this, especially as this is his last semester! I think you are right, maybe it is a blessing in disguise. Despite my earlier comments about depression being unlikely due to EC interest, I do think his treatment for depression before leaving for college is a red flag. Another red flag would be mood swings.</p>
<p>Is is just one semester left? He lives off campus. Can he take out a loan for the last semester, when he is ready to finish? I agree it can be hard to finish elsewhere, with this many credits, though some schools, including some state universities, take 90 credits.</p>
<p>Is his GPA this low from failing that one class, or did he fail others?</p>
<p>Like GT, I wasn’t seeing this situation as that far out of the normal range. Sleeping late, getting fired, forgetting the rent, are, to me in the ballpark, for someone with graduation on their mind, even more so. But add to those an abrupt decline in academic performance, and it is a different picture- for practical reasons as well as emotional concerns.</p>
<p>As for our kids getting off the couch. That PR job sounds great to me, but would a new college grad be hired? For the students I know, getting hired for a job like this can be a big problem. Many end up in restaurants etc. The problem is that working those jobs takes a lot of energy and it can be hard to move on to something else, even the most entry level, rock bottom job in a field that interests them. And wages are low, so it is hard for them to support themselves.</p>
<p>I feel that taking any job that is available and paying one’s own way at this stage can actually interfere with longer term independence. Things like internships and volunteering, or more career focused courses/certificates, can help with the longer term, but may require more parental financial support. It is even harder when we can barely afford to help.</p>
<p>I guess it’s a balance. But certainly it helps if our kids are functional and not depressed, not matter how much support we can give. I hope your son can move forward and it would seem that a counselor or therapist would be a big help right now for him, and by extension, for his parents too.</p>
<p>Is he depressed or anxious about growing up?</p>
<p>though some schools, including some state universities, take 90 credits.</p>
<p>Right, but most degrees require 120 or more semester credits. Having to do 30 credits elsewhere to finish the degree would be TWO more semesters at least. </p>
<p>They need to figure out how he can finish his semester THERE. </p>
<p>I would really be annoyed if this school pulled his scholarship for the LAST semester. It hurts the school as well to have him not finish. I’d appeal as high as possible.</p>
<p>I feel like I should answer because in many ways this describes me and lots of people I know, and I was a little surprised by the answers that have been posted. I’m a college senior at one of the best US schools. Three of my closest friends and I decided to move off-campus in order to have a pet. Me or my roommates have failed to pay rent or bills on time on a regular basis, because we forget or are too lazy have already spent part of the money we were given by our parents or any number of reasons. We have all come close to failing a class (or actually failed it) because it was way harder than expected, or because it met at 9am twice a week, or because the reading was too dense. We have all gotten overdraft fees because we hadn’t realized the checks do go through on week-ends, or did our math wrong, or judged it worth it to buy whatever now and pay the overdraft fee later (btw you can sign up for overdraft protection). I personally know that unless I have to be in class, or at the library, or meet a friend before noon, I have absolutely no intention of getting out of bed before that. I got fired from my work-study job because I just couldn’t get there at 9am, who cares I got another one in an other office the same day and it pays more.</p>
<p>I think those are just normal things people do when they are in college. There are too many things to deal with. Some of the most depressed people I know are those who worry a lot, do it all, and often don’t have social lives or good balance. I think all those things that you describe are fine, as long as one has some sort of plan for the future, a gpa above 3.4-3.5, and built some sort of social network that includes true friends, academic mentors, professional connections. </p>
<p>Flunking one class, paying rent late, overdraft fees seems fairly normal IMHO, as long as one isn’t messing with things that could actually have negative long-term consequences on your personal or professional life (e.g.: forgetting to send a thank you note for something important seems to me a bigger deal than forgetting to pay rent for a few days). I think that the one thing that puts everything together is having a career plan. Deciding on what he wants to do is probably what you guys could focus on, and I bet it’ll give him lots of motivation to do better.</p>
<p>Wawa-- thanks for your perspective.</p>
<p>There is a lot of runway between leaving home at 18 and being ready to be an adult at 22, and I’m not so naive to think that my kids didn’t blow off a class or two, or bounce a check, or sleep until noon while in college.</p>
<p>I hire for a living (and I hire a lot of new grads every year) and part of our hiring process is to systematically weed out young people who sound like you (although I’m sure you’re a fantastic kid). We are not running a summer camp for post-adolescents who think that getting fired from a job because they couldn’t get out of bed is a good outcome. I am always happy to hear a young person tell me about a screw up and how they fixed it and what they learned from it- hearing that bouncing a check taught them that it’s ok to bounce checks because you can always sign up for overdraft protection is not an answer that inspires confidence in someone’s maturity and decision making ability.</p>
<p>Thank you for your perspective though… and at some point, probably when your parents generosity runs out, you may need to get a grip on reality. Whether you’re working for Google, the Peace Corps, Spotify, JP Morgan, or helping the Gates foundation eliminate malaria-- every employer on the planet wants people who show up on time, take their financial responsibilities seriously, and can plan their social life so that they actually get out of bed every day.</p>
<p>Namaste.</p>
<p>Wawa - I would suggest you make a copy of blossom’s response to you, and stick it on your refrigerator, bathroom mirror, car visor, etc.</p>
<p>Oh, I wasn’t saying those things are normal in the long run. Just that when you are 20ish there are lots to worry about: choosing the right classes, reading everything on time, turning long papers in by the deadlines, your grad school and job applications, professional network, lsat, mcat, gmat prep, as well as trying to figure out you know, who you are, what are you values, and what you want/like. I think it’s not easy to do all this well and also be a put-together adult that always knows how to handle their finances and is on time to everything. So then, one has to prioritize. As a college senior, I don’t know that the priority should always be financial planning and being on time to work-study, specially around mid-terms or final weeks or grad/professional schools deadlines. </p>
<p>Also I think things are a little different when one is an adult with a steady income, and a credit card, and doesn’t get in situations like I don’t know, having a couple dollars left on their card and nothing in the fridge, because they had to miss work to study for a test last month, so didn’t get paid as much as planned, or finding out a textbook actually has to be bought new because the teacher wants everyone to have the latest edition, or because their phone broke and they had to get a new one. Being financially responsible and never getting overdraft as a college students is only possible for those who are never in emergency situations or can just have their parents bail them out (which mine couldn’t do). For instance I just had to pay an extra $100 because I must have let my monthly public transportation card fall out of my back pocket yesterday. I didn’t have them, so I took it out of my rent money, hopefully I can work that back by the end of the month. </p>
<p>I like studying late because it gets so quiet and it’s easier to focus and memorize better. Maybe that means that sometimes I’m late to/skip 9am classes or can’t sustain a job that requires me to be there early in the morning, as I learned the hard way.</p>
<p>Maybe I’m wrong but it seems to me like those should be priorities when you are in college. It seems like after college, your life doesn’t have to be regulated based on class syllabuses, library hours and application deadlines, so it’s easier to get into the sort of routine that allows you to stay on top of everything, but I think it’s very hard to do for people who live off-campus, have jobs, and study hard, especially senior year while applying to things, interviewing, testing, etc…</p>
<p>^ Interesting wawa and blossom. I must admit that both my husband and myself had our own share of screw ups during our college years and eventually (by mid 20s) we were on the straight and narrow and working very hard. So I know there is hope. However what one soon learns is that those screw ups follow you. For example, I worry about my son getting good references, I worry that he wouldn’t be able to rent future apartments, I worry about his credit rating, I worry that his gpa won’t allow him to get a good job, etc. If you think you can act up now and then wipe the slate clean when you graduate, think again. It doesn’t work like that. This behavior colors everything going forward.</p>
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<p>Yes. Learning responsibility is harder for some, but by the time one is a senior in college, more is expected than what the OP’s son or wawa is displaying.
I do think, cbug, that your son may need some professional evaluation considering that he has had some emotional difficulties prior to college. I’d just want to know what’s going on.</p>
<p>Well, Wawa doesn’t sound like someone I’d hire immediately. But I think the main point was that having set career goals and a life plan is what needs to be the focus. Everyone needs a path to follow.
Wawa, the difference is that OP’s son’s screw ups are damaging long range goals and are becoming difficult to fix.</p>
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<p>I think college seniors benefit from having a “what am I going to do next” plan and a general idea of what that next step might lead to. Having “set career goals and a life plan” may be asking too much. How many of us had “set career goals and a life plan”? And of those who did, how many achieved those goals and followed that plan? Things change in life. What seemed to make sense at 22 may not be what you’re doing at 32, and that does not necessarily mean that you “failed.” It means that you adapted to what you learned and what life threw at you. </p>
<p>If the OP’s son does not have a “what am I going to do next” plan and a general idea of what that next step might lead to, that may be part of the problem. The transition from college to whatever comes after college can be a difficult one. But I wouldn’t expect the OP’s son to have his entire life planned out.</p>
<p>^^^^ Mom2collegekids: You asked about the reason he was fired and if maybe he lied about it. Actually he was NOT fired for “non performance”. And he might say he was not fired at all. He was so wrapped up in one particular ED that was demanding 20-30 hours per week that he didn’t show up for some shifts. He was a favored employee that was doing very well in his sales. After he didn’t show up and they couldn’t get ahold of him, they called me (his emergency contact) to make sure he wasn’t hurt or dead. This was the first I had heard of any of it. They told me even after missing the shifts they still wanted him back. But since he never bothered to to even call them back . . . I consider him fired.</p>